Online Parent Support Chat
I think natural remedies for ADD/ADHD are the best, but the problem is if you have a child who is truly ADD (like my daughter), you can’t take them off the meds while they are taking fish oil [a natural treatment for ADD/ADHD] because they’ll flunk out of school during the “trial” year.
I’m really in a dilemma with her, because she turns 18 this week and our insurance won’t pay for ADD meds for “adults.” She has 18 months of high school left, and then wants to attend college.
She has “outgrown” the hyperactivity over the years, but her ability to concentrate, especially if there is auditory/visual distraction, is very minimal. Coping strategies help some, but I have struggled with ADD myself for my entire life and know how exhausting it is. I also know the price you pay socially, personally and professionally when your strategies fail, and would like to spare her some of that pain. Unfortunately, I don’t see how that’s possible.
Here's the deal with all the ADD people I have ever known:
They cannot concentrate well on subject matter that is of little interest to them; however, they are mac daddy focused on stimuli that is of interest to them.
Case in point: I loved psychology in college. Everyone else had their little tape recorders and note pads and spent the whole lecture time writing. I just listened -- no notes, no tape recording.
The professor even cornered me one day and asked how it is that I am getting a damn-near perfect "A" in the class without notes and recordings. I just told him that I enjoyed the material.
Now you're really going to hear my bias. I truly believe that quote ADD unquote is nothing more than an extreme case of selective attention - think about it.
I'm sure daughter has some things in life that she catches onto very quickly and effortlessly, and I bet these are the things she truly enjoys.
In any event, you're right. In those worst-case scenarios where the child simply cannot function -- in the social sense -- without standard meds, she should be on them.
I believe that "academic problems" have more to do with social insecurity and a low-confidence level than a bio-chemical imbalance in the brain (kind of a low grade generalized anxiety).
I am a mother of 2 teen boys, 16 and 17! The 16 yr old has ADD, OCD, Tourette's, and has some symptoms of bipolar. The 17 yr old is hypermanic. We don't see depression, but tons of anxiety and worry about everything and everyone. Unfortunately, I am just recovering from my 2nd bout with breast cancer in March. I'm sooo very lucky to have caught it early and have a good prognosis, but it's been an amazingly hard road to travel with all of this extra baggage. To top it all off, there is a huge problem in our family due to my husband, their stepfather, and I do not agree on anything anymore. When rages come up, messes are left, or problems come up, his first instinct is to yell, threaten, and humiliate. He is very overwhelmed too. I love my husband and my kids and we need to try to work things out, but I don't know if I have the strength anymore. I have joined your support group this morning in hopes that I may find one person who can relate to something and! Give me a ray of hope. I'm sorry about my long story, but it's real. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Terri
Just a note to say I am so glad you are a member of Online Parent Support. You obviously have your hands full and are under a great deal of stress.
Let me provide some encouragement here. In my day job, I work with parents that – believe it or not – are in the same boat as you. All of my adolescent clients suffer with either oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD) -- PLUS some other disorder.
ODD and CD never travel alone. They always exist alongside some other disorder such as ADHD, Bipolar, OCD, Tourette’s, Asperger’s, Autism, depression, anxiety, etc.
So the program you are using (i.e., My Out-of-Control Teen eBook and Online Parent Support) is designed precisely for parents such as yourself. I’ll be available to help you along the way over the next several months – if not years.
It will be very important for your husband to be on the same page as you. So please invite him to learn the material along WITH you.
Now …I have a huge favor to ask. Please forward this email to any friends or colleagues who may benefit from Online Parent Support as well.
Thank you. I’ll look forward to hearing from you,
What can you do when your teen has "learned the system" so to speak and threatens you at every turn to call C.P.S.?
Our 15 year old seems to only be getting bigger and more cunning. We have dealt with 2 C.P.S. investigations which were dismissed, yet they took their toll of my marriage and life. I can honestly say that I am at wits end. Help!
When teens call the cops on the parent, it is always the case that parent & child are in a power struggle. And unfortunately, the kid usually wins in the end simply because he/she has very little to lose relative to the parent.
Power struggles can create frustration, anger and resentment on the part of the parent and the teen. Resentment can cause a further breakdown of communication until it seems as if all you do is argue with your teen.
In order to end such arguments, it must be the parent that begins to take charge in a positive way. However, the most effective step, to simply stop arguing, can also be the most difficult. It sounds quite simple, just stop arguing, but in reality, it takes discipline and effort to change the pattern of behavior.
By refusing to participate in the argument, the power of the "out-of-control" teen disappears. The teen only continues to have power over you if you allow him to.
To stop the power struggle, prepare yourself ahead of time. Sit down, after your kid is in bed for the night and it is quiet, and make a list of the times that you most often argue. Is it getting ready for school, doing homework, completing chores, getting ready for bed, etc?
For each situation, determine a few choices that you can give your teen. When preparing the choices, make sure to list only those that you are willing to carry out. If, for example, you are not willing to pick up your kids and bring them to school in their pajamas, don’t threaten to or they will know that they still have control of the situation.
Once you have decided on the choices you will give your teen, stick to them and practice your self-control to not yell. Walk away, leave the room, and wait outside if you have to. But an argument can only happen if there is more than one person. With just one person, it is simply a temper tantrum.
I hope this helps!
My child will be 18 in March and he is so out of control, drugs, cutting, school, disrespect, running away for months at a time -- you name it. Is there really something I can do for him before the "golden birthday"? My husband and I are at wits end. Out of sheer desperation we want to tell him on his 18 birthday “good riddens,” yet I know he'll never survive, and I don't want my child being another statistic. My son will NOT attend counseling and runs away if I suggest it. Someone please HELP!
It sounds like you will be reluctant to kick him out at age 18. Which means you'll still have to live with him and his behavior. Thus, please join Online Parent Support. Here you'll get the information, the consultation, and the support you obviously will be needing over the next several weeks, months -- and even years.
CLICK HERE to join. The sooner, the better.