Online Parent Support Chat

31.12.06

New discovery in accurately diagnosing anything...

Please see the new discovery in accurately diagnosing anything including different sub-types of ADD, which can help in prescribing more effective course of treatment:

amenclinics.com/bp/atlas/

This method can also be used to show how well any given prognosis is taking effect.

28.12.06

Am I Being Too Strict?


Hi Mark...

My 17-year old daughter, H_____, has been experimenting with drinking and was recently arrested for a DUI (twice the legal limit for intoxication). She totaled her car, but luckily she did not encounter anyone else on the highway - she just hit an embankment.

I only had liability insurance on her car, so there will not be any insurance money provided to cover the cost of replacing the car, and I'm a single parent, so I cannot afford to buy her another one. It took all of my 401K to buy the one she just totaled.

I have grounded her for 2 months, not allowing her to hang out with friends, etc., and this has been really hard on her, and she keeps wanting me to suspend the rest of the grounding as its been a month already and she's learned her lesson. I am sticking to my guns to make her learn an important lesson more thoroughly.

She is still allowed to talk on the phone, and she can see her boyfriend if he attends church on Sunday or Wednesday when she is there. Other than that, she's not allowed to see her friends. Do you think I am being too strict? What do I need to do to get through to her, as she is still quite rebellious?

___________

Hi D.,

I don’t have much to add. Are you being too strict? Well, 2 months is typically too long of a grounding-period for anything, including drinking and driving. I would say she has successfully experienced a “natural” consequence associated with her poor choice (i.e., lost her car).

One question however: What did she do to “earn” that car before she destroyed it? Or, was it a free handout? If she did nothing to “earn” her vehicle, then it doesn’t surprise me that it is torn up.

I “gave” my son a car – he had it destroyed within a two-month period. He had to pay for his next vehicle with his own money – now he washes and waxes the thing every weekend.

Mark www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

I'm nearly sick to my stomach...


Question:

I'm nearly sick to my stomach about my situation ...have a 15 (almost 16 yr. old) who consistently defies our authority. Of course, I could run down the whole list and check nearly every Bipolar/ADHD/ODD symptom. When do you know these kids need more help than you can give them?

__________

Response:

I would say you are at that point now (i.e., you probably need some outside assistance).

The solution to your situation will need to be twofold:

1. Pharmacotherapy -- you may want to take your child to a psychiatrist, especially if he has symptoms of bipolar

2. Parental interventions -- click here

15.12.06

ok... I have tried everything else I can think of...


Question:
ok... I have tried everything else I can think of.
I came across this website and decided to try this OPS.
What I really need is to hear from some parents who
thinks this works.

A little background about me and my son:

I am a single mom. I adopted my son when he was two year old. I found out when he was about 8 that he was victim of fetal alcohol syndrone. His behavior started to change about that time also. He ran away for the first time when he was 10, then again when he was 12. He is now 14 and completely out of control. He is a chronic liar and willie to the bitter end when confronted. He has stolen money from my purse on several occasions, he is completely disrespectful, He will not obey rules, thinks he can do whatever he wants and when he wants to. If he is grounded, he leaves the house anyway and does what ever he wants to do. I don't even know what age he started having sex at. I recently found a letter written to him by an 18 year old girl that detailed in a very explicit manner a sexual encounter she had with him at school in the bathroom. He does not think I have the right to discipline him and does not listen to anything I try to tell him. I found a pornographic dvd in the dvd player in the family room. I found cd's in his room that had filthy demeaning lyrics. The last straw brought me almost to the breaking point. I confronted him about the cd's and exploded into a yelling match with him. I had a roll of Christmas wrapping paper in my hand and I hit him with it several times. He yelled and me "hold UP' and shoved me into the wall. I think i was in a state of shock and I stopped struggling with him. I was on the brink of picking up something to hurt him. He ran from the house cursing me. He sneaked back into the house sometime in the middle of the night and had the nerve to ask me to take him to a football game the next day. There is a dead bolt lock on my bedroom door because I do not trust him. This is my last resort to charging him with incorrigibility.

__________

Response:
It sounds like your son has no respect for you. The ebook touches on this a lot. There's a chapter "Anger Management" that addresses this. You may want to check that out. -- C.C.

___________

Response:
I would agree. He has no respect for her. I went through this with my daughter. I discovered that being nice doesn't work. It's all about tuff luv. -- A.M.

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl

7.12.06

How does this site work...

Question:
Thank you for your response to ODD/ADD! My daughter has just about every issue listed. She is tearing our family apart and causing loved ones to stay away. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 7 and then just ADD about a year ago at 13. Taking Stratera and I see no difference at all. I have no control and counseling seems to hold no hope.


My daughter makes us feel as though we "owe" her. If one thing does not fit her we all have to pay prices. Her stepfather does not even want to be at home when she is. I wake up in the morning worried what will happen today and always fear pulling in the driveway after work. How does this site work and will it help me with my struggle to gain a "normal" life? Thanks


___________

Response:
Online Parent Support (OPS) has numerous resources. It is the #1 website for parent support on the internet. Members of OPS attend - online - a course that teachers them how to deal with their strong-willed, out of control teens and pre-teens. Plus they have access to ongoing parent coaching from the OPS staff.

LEARN MORE

How do you figure out if your child has ODD/ADD...

Question:
How do you figure out if your child has ODD/ADD
without all the costly Dr's appointments?

__________

Response:
If your child has only four of the following characteristics, she/he is
ODD. And ODD never travels alone, so it wouldn't be surprising if he/she
has some ADHD symptoms going on as well. 30% to 40% of ADHD kids also
have ODD:

1. Often loses temper
2. Often argues with adults
3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. Often deliberately annoys people
5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. Is often angry and resentful
8. Is often spiteful and vindictive

All of the criteria above include the word "often". Recent studies have
shown that these behaviors occur to a varying degree in all children.
Thus, researchers have found that the "often" is best solved by the
following criteria.

Has occurred at all during the last three months:
· Is spiteful and vindictive
· Blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

Occurs at least twice a week:
· Is touchy or easily annoyed by others
· Loses temper
· Argues with adults
· Actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules

Occurs at least four times per week:
· Is angry and resentful
· Deliberately annoys people

For a free report on ODD and ADHD, click here:
http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl2

I am the parent of two children...

Hello all.

I am the parent of two children. Both my children were troubled and life was challenging, to say the least, for several decades. I have a website devoted to parenting of troubled teens. See http://www.blackerandassociates.com/ and have an eBook available that addresses the subject of surviving the experience of parenting troubled teenagers.

Check it out! I'd be happy to pass along wisdom I've gained in the 20+ years of parenting troubled children. You can email me at:

http://john.blacker@blackerandassociates.com


Best of luck to all of you!