Online Parent Support Chat

27.2.07

Worse Problems Ahead?

I noticed your eBook offer yesterday while doing some research online so I am still reading through. My son is 13 years old. He has always been quick tempered and harder to "influence" then my daughter, but since beginning Junior High this past September I would have to characterize him as "out of control". Thankfully, he is not leaving the house, defying curfew, drinking or taking drugs, so I am sure the situation is not as bad as others, but I certainly want to turn things around before it goes in that direction.

My biggest concerns are; he is extremely defiant. Everything is an argument and he responses to just about everything you say to him in what can be described as a "growl". He always seems angry at me, at my husband, at his sister, at his friends. He comments when you ask him to stop yelling or stop talking like that is " well stop annoying me". He doesn't want to be told what to do (get up for school, get dressed, get a shower, do your homework), but he will not do any of these things himself without being told repeatedly.

The other big concern is that he is totally unmotivated at school. He was an A student all through elementary. Now, he does like school, he absolutely refuses to study, his grades are dropping rapidly and getting homework done is a nightmare.

So far I am trying very hard to stay on the positive reinforcement side and away from the punishment side of parenting but things are just getting worse. I grew up in an extremely controlled environment. My mother ruled via fear and we basically did not think for ourselves, just did what we were told. The household was extremely stressful with huge arguments between my parents all the time. We basically shut up and survived until we grew up and got out. I don't want that kind of household for my children. I don't want to resort to yelling, threatening or punishing to get compliance, but I am very afraid that what is now defiance, rudeness and lack of motivation will end up being far worse problems if this keeps up.

I am willing to try your eBook methods. Any advice will be helpful.

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