Online Parent Support Chat

21.3.07

I feel abused by my own children ...

I found out about this on-line book a little too late. I am a new subscriber and I need serious help. Three years ago my 2 youngest daughters began acting up in January 2004 - they were 7 and 8. January '04 was full of bathroom messes = toilet paper messes, clogged toilets, soap and shampoo messes, toothpaste messes, etc. February '04 had more of the same, but also more than once a day. At night, my oldest daughter and I got pieces of whatever stuff could be found on the floor shoved up our noses. (We are VERY sound sleepers) February '04 was also had attempts made to hurt our cat - cat in toilet with lid closed and bubbles poured on cat during night. March '04 had much more of the above, but also destruction of Playstation, answering machine, telephone, and some clothes; pictures; games; etc.

One night in March '04 I was awakened by my oldest daughter because someone poured nail polish all over the lower half of her body and blanket. About a week later, almost the exact thing happened, except rubbing alcohol had been used. In March '04 began the fires created from the stove = 3 fires, until I learned how to turn off the gas supply behind the stove at nighttime before bed. In April '04 I finally was able to get a family counselor. Unfortunately, he thought my children were being normal children - he felt that I was either not giving them enough attention or that I was giving them too much attention when they misbehaved. April seemed to go slightly better though because I started taking everything out of the one bathroom, except for a roll of toilet paper. The other bathroom I locked up every night. Plus, of course, I continued to shut off the stove at nighttime.

About a week and a half into April '04, I woke up in the morning to discover a big, drizzling bubble in the ceiling. One of my children had used the toilet paper in the bathroom to plug up the sink drain and the overflow. My landlord who knew already about the previous fires, the family counselor, and how hard I was trying - had no choice but to give me an eviction notice. I spoke with my 2 youngest children's father about everything. He did not believe me, he thought my oldest daughter was doing it. (By the way, so has almost 99% of the people I have talked to since then!) He agreed happily to have our girls live with him.

At first it was just on a trial basis, but we made it permanent after a couple of months because he did not have any problems with them. (I had them every Saturday and Sunday, but I still experienced problems with "messes") July 2006 their father and Step mom split up. Their father moved in with his Mom and he brought our girls to live there also.

October 2006 his Mom kicked their father out, but kept our girls. When that happened, I started picking up the girls after school on Friday and then taking them back to their grandmother's on Sunday night. So far their grandmother has had no problems with my daughters, but I still do sometimes on the weekends. Two weekends ago one of my children cut my oldest daughter's hair while sleeping. Whoever did it had taken my haircutting scissors from the bathroom during the day and had hidden it for later use at night. Everyone had seemed happy that night, but my oldest daughter had woken me up after only an hour of sleep - her hair was in pieces and strands all over her pillow and the scissors were about a foot away from her pillow on the floor. Now their grandmother does not want them to come over anymore. She said that it is not fair for me to think one of my youngest children is acting up unless I have proof. Plus, my youngest children are telling their grandmother that they have NEVER done ANYTHING.

My middle daughter claims that I mostly think it is her doing stuff because I do not like her - and her sisters hate her too. (None of that is true) Anyway, this is where I am at. I am in hell. I have been for the last three years. And it seems that most people think I must be a horrible mother - probably deserving my hell.

Ironically, I feel abused by my own children who I love more than anything. Even more ironically, people used to praise my parenting skills. Last year, some of the same people who used to praise me told me that it is probably for the best when I told them that my two youngest children acted up and were living with their father.

I am not doing well at all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated - or even if you could say a prayer for me.

Thanks

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