Online Parent Support Chat

12.3.07

Please, please, please help us.

Mr. Hutten:

We desperately need your help with out 18 year old son. He is still in high
school, but recently transferred to an alternative high school to assure he
would graduate. Of late he has decided he cannot put up with all the
"bullshit" at home and has left the house. He is still going to school, but
stays here and there with whomever will put him up for the night. He tells
us (his father and I, his mother) that he will call us and let us know where
he is staying, but he doesn't call. Just a week ago he came home (after
another of this kind of week) and told us he didn't want to be a loser
anymore and that he wanted to graduate and turn his life around. About this
same time he met a girl at his school who, by her own mouth, has no morals
and is extremely sexually active. After only two days at home, there was a
huge blow up at home between he and his 17 year old sister about this new
girl friend. He left the house in a huff and said he cannot live in our
house as long as his sister is there.

He has been into drugs but says he wants nothing more to do with them
because he thinks they are ruining his life and causing him health problems.
He was in drug rehab last year.

I don't know if he is still doing drugs (he thinks marijuana is not a drug),
I would test him, but he's never at home. He is on probation for a
non-drug related misdemeanor. He is violating his probtion by doing
drugs, drinking and breaking a court ordered 10:00 pm curfew.

Everything has gone to hell since that blow up. We decided to try a type of
intervention to see if we could get him to take some quiet time and think
things over and come up with some goals and a plan for those goals. He and
his dad checked into a local hotel for a few days to work on things. That
was Sunday afternoon. The plan was for his dad to take him to school, me
to pick him up and stay at the hotel with him until Dad could get there and
then I would go home to be with our other two children. I picked him up
from school today and took him to the hotel. He said he wanted to go get
some fresh air and smoke a cigarette. When he didn't come back after a
reasonable time, I went looking for him and found that the girlfriend was
there with him. I told her she could have a few minutes and she had to move
on. I went to the room and waited. He did not return. In the meantime he
had called his dad and told him he wasn't going to put up with all this
bullshit. He was packing up his stuff and leaving. He hasn't left the
hotel, I just spoke with his dad. They are getting around to go to dinner.

We are at our wits end with this kid. He is very ADHD and very immature for
his age. He does not have the financial means to live on his own. He is so
determined to be on his own. We want that too, when we know he is ready and can responsibly make that happen.

He seems incapable of making good choices. He's the kind of kid that is
just a trouble magnet.

Should I contact his probation officer? Will they put him in jail? Maybe
that is where he needs to be.

Please, please, please help us. As I have said, we are desperate.

Here's Help

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