Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
I have a 17 year old daughter that has been pampered since she was a baby. I've always called her my angry child. When she wanted to eat as a baby, I had only so much time to get to her, if I crossed the line and waited just a split second too long she would scream the house down and then almost refuse to eat because she was so upset. I would have to give her a bath and do whatever I could to calm her before she would nurse. Now this behavior continued on into her childhood.
When learning to walk, if she tripped on a chair ...she would kick the heck out of that chair. Or if she fell or whatever, it was always someone else's fault (who ever was close by). Throughout her childhood we tip toed around so as not to upset her, because if she got upset and angry everyone paid for it. The strange thing is, that her school never saw that part of her. They had no idea that she was angry. But let me tell you, when 3:30 rolled around and we picked her up from school, she would slam doors and be miserable because of the bad day she had. I always assumed that we were her sounding board and she held it in all day and then would vent when she got home.
Just a little history on my daughter...she hit her head when she was 1
½ years old and apparently did some inner ear damage. Since then she has only 10% hearing in her right ear. We noticed that she wasn't speaking properly and was missing all the quiet letters. She started seeing a speech therapist at the age of 3 and continued on through out elementary school. Because of her hearing problem she had aids in her classroom and in elementary school they used a special system where the teacher would where a microphone and there were 4 speakers in each corner of the room. And although all children benefited from this, everyone knew it was there because of my daughter. So needless to say she was picked on "as the poor little deaf girl".
She spent some pretty horrible years at her elementary school, which made her have a lot of baggage. Her self-confidence is in the toilet. She washed her hands until they were raw and bleeding because she was told she had germs. If she drank from the water fountain at her school, all the other kids would line up at the other one because "my daughter had germs".
She was forever going to the washroom during class time and it was because she needed to wash her hands. She never went on school field trips unless I went with her, and even family outings she hated to go along.
She was always concerned about bathroom breaks and what if there was no soap in the washroom. She was always worried if we had enough fuel and would there be bathrooms along the way to stop at. To this day she still doesn't want to come to restaurants with us to eat. Don't you think it is strange that a 17 year old doesn't like to shop? ...she doesn't. And when she absolutely has to come with me, I can tell she gets very agitated and when she has had enough we have to go or she makes it miserable for me the whole time.
We have had her seen by social services (psychologists) and also a psychiatrist. She just got to the point where she was counselor-ed out and wouldn't go anymore. She was diagnosed as a high anxiety with obsessive-compulsive behavior problems, but that is as far as it went. He did put her on a very small triangle pill that was for anxiety and it seemed to help, but she said they made her sick and wouldn't take them anymore.
She has no friends except one girl who is 2 years younger than herself. She does well in school and the teachers have seen improvements with her social skills, but it doesn't change her behavior at home. This one friend comes to our house rather than hers, I assume it is because of my daughter.
I could go on and on about her, but long story short is I am scared to death for her. What will become of my daughter? Where will she fit in out in the real world? I fear she will never leave home, and yet am fearful of what will happen to her if she does leave home. Does this make sense?
I love her so much and have always protected her from as much hurt as I could. My heart bleeds for my daughter. If I could have bought her friends, I think I would have (that is how bad I want to see her happy). I always had the feeling that she was the type of child that would either go back to her school with a gun and shoot everyone, or turn the other way and kill herself. I do not see her happy very much. And who can be happy when you have no friends. She frustrates all of us in the house, because she walks to the tune of a different drummer than the rest of us, and we need a lot of patience when dealing with her.
She gets frustrated and angry very easy and then ruins our plans for the day. She will go to school, church, doctors, dentists and once in a while to a restaurant with the family, but that pretty much sums up her activities outside the home.
When at home she is on the computer, watches TV or listens to her music. I know in my heart I over compensated for the fact that she had no friends, she was deaf and had these problems, but how do I correct it know when she is 17 years old and graduates next year? Can you please give me advise on how to handle this situation?
Posted by Mark Hutten, M.A.