Online Parent Support Chat
Sex is Cool - right?
Emails from teen parents who have a message to send to YOUR teenager who may think it's "cool" to have sex and get pregnant:
==> What troubles me is when another girl finds out that I have a daughter and she says "that is so neat." A car is neat, an outfit is neat, a baby is not. They take a lot of time and work. When you become a mom, you become responsible (physically, emotionally, and financially) for a child for the rest of your life. There are no weekends or summer vacations -- the child will always be there. And no matter how good your relationship was before you became pregnant, the father will most likely have gone on his merry way. If I had been better informed, I would have never had sex in the first place, let alone a child.
==> I got pregnant at the age of 14 and had no clue what to do -- people these days seem to talk of only two or three solutions to teen pregnancy, although most people forget another--adoption. It was the best yet hardest decision of my life. I look at all I am doing now and think where I would be with a baby. I was not and will not be ready to take care of a baby for a few years. Plus, the most important thing to me is that my baby has two parents who love each other.
==> I got pregnant a month before my 17th birthday. My son's father and I got married five months ago and we're already separated. I live in an emergency shelter for teen moms. I raise my son alone. My son will be a year old next week. In his whole life, his father has only taken care of him by himself one time. He does not pay me child support...I have only been out once without him. The rest of the time he goes everywhere with me. I only get four hours of sleep at night. I have no money because I quit work to go back to school, and I'm not on public aid at the moment. I miss my friends. I don't see them anymore because they have their own lives. All I do is sit at home...I love my son more than anything in the world, but it would have been a lot better if this had happened when I was like 27 instead of 17.
==> I recommend kids just staying away from sex all together unless you like waking up in the middle of the night and early in the morning, spending all of your money on that child and not having a dollar to spend on yourself. Just because my parents and family help me does not mean yours will. Think about it next time you go to have sex- is it really worth the lifetime responsibility for the 5 minutes of pleasure? My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me but I really wish I would of waited. So don't make the same mistake I did. Please use abstinence as your birth control method.
==> I am 15 years of age. I am 5 months pregnant with my 2nd child. My boyfriend is 17 years of age and has been behind me all the way. Even though I love my son and un-born child, I've missed out on a lot of TEENAGE things like dances, parties, or just having fun. I have 3 jobs now, and spend most of my money on food, diapers, and child needs. To all teens thinking about having sex, don't make the same mistake I did. It takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work.
==> Another thing that is so hard is not being able to go out with my friends as much as I would like to. Once a week just doesn't seem to cut it. I absolutely hate hearing everyone talk about that great party on the weekend or how they are going out of town over spring break. It just seems that I am missing out on all my childhood years, all the memories of being a teenager. When my daughter grows up and asks me what I did when I was a teen all I will be able to say is 'I changed your diapers and prepared your formula.' I really wish I could go back and do things differently. I am sick of the constant worrying about how we are ever going to live once we move out of my mother's house.
==> I don't want someone else to go through what I'm going through. I was 17 when I got pregnant. When I was 13, I was staying out until 3 am. I was going to parties. I was having sex, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. On the same day my boyfriend broke up with me, I found out I was pregnant. My son is going without a lot of things he'd have if he had two parents. You need a family. You need to be stable. I'm alone except for my baby.
==> At age sixteen, I became pregnant. Before my pregnancy, I was a cheerleader and involved with many school clubs. I had many friends and was enjoying my teenage years. I now ask myself, "What happened to me? Where did I go wrong?" Why was I now standing in line at the welfare office waiting for food stamps? Maybe because I was involved with a guy who was three years older than myself. My parents had forbid me to stay in the abusive relationship. My answer to stay with this guy was to become pregnant. I will never forget the tears that my mother shed when my step-father told her the news. That night, I left my home, my teenage years, and never went back.
[A while later,] I finally reached the lowest point in my life. There I was lying in a bed at a shelter for battered women. In the past, I would always leave the relationship [with the baby's father], but always return. That same night, I prayed for the strength and courage to get myself back on my feet. That was also the night that I left him and never went back. Even though my life seems to be going well now, there are emotional scars that I will carry with me each and every day of my life. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about my past mistakes. This letter is not in any way intended to prove how teen mothers can succeed, but rather to prove how one mistake can change the rest of your life! Enjoy your teen years! I never went to my prom; I never got to cheer at homecoming; I never went on my senior cruise; I never went off to college. These things I will never have the opportunity to do again, but you will. Please, think twice before change the rest of your life!
==> Hi. ... I am an 18 year old mother of a one and half year old son from Indiana.... I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone. I was very involved in high school with Cheerleading, national honors society, church, sadd, golf, save and many other groups. I was your average American teenage girl. I would say I came off to be a very confidant young lady. When I started my freshman year i got a boyfriend who was a senior. First mistake. after 2 months of dating we started having sex. We used protection when we had it but other times just didn't worry about it. I don't know what I was thinking. Getting pregnant never crossed my mind because you know it can't happen to me. But it did. Since then i got my GED and started college two years early and am doing very well. One thing that really bothers me is how my son's father has paid one month of child support and has only had one court date and no jail time. Not to mention he will come and visit him once a week for about a month then stop and wait about 9 months and start again and then just stop. no phone calls to see how he is doing or if he is even okay. I just think it is crazy how these guys can get off the hook. If i didn't take care of my son the way i do, i would be put in jail immediately and he would be put in foster care. It's not fair and our court system does nothing about it. Well i just wanted to write in my story. Right now I am becoming an advocate to teenagers about sex. I can speak from my own experience and help them. I personally think its hard to listen to someone who has not been through the struggles they try to warn you about.
==> I'm a 17 year old soon-to-be-father. I used to spend all of my weekends working during the day and partying at night. Running around, drinking, finding women. You know all that stuff I used to call the good life. Well, met a girl one night at a party...Long story short we started dating and found out 2 and a half months into our relationship she was pregnant. We had only been together for 2 weeks when our child was conceived. Luckily, I'll turn 18 a couple of months before my child is born. I've been trying to use the few months I have to learn what I can and get as prepared as I can be. My girlfriend and I already got the first step out of the way which is telling our parents. We had already decided to keep our child. It's taken some time to get mentally used to the thought of being a father, and I guess really I'm still not used to it. But emotionally not really, it changes on a regular basis. Sometimes I think I've got it all figured out, other times I'm stressed out and worried sick. I've spent a while looking around for information and I've been trying to find a good source for comments from other teenage parents and your site had many good quotes. It also provided some useful information. Thanks.