Online Parent Support Chat

13.7.07

It is really frustrating for me at this point...

I was browsing through the web site. I am a mother of one beautiful little girl (4), who never really gives me any problems, except that she is cheecky, like most girls.

My actual problem is that my fiance's son is making life very difficult for lots of people. He is 7 and in grade 1. He ignores everybody and cries over almost every little thing. His mom and dad (my fiance) has been separated since he was very small and by now he should have been used to traveling between the families on weekends and holidays.

He is a very smart boy, but can’t sit still for one minute. He makes as if he doesn't hear you when you are talking to him. I have find that if I make him look me in the face, he listens and that helps.

I have to mention that he still pee's in his pants at home, school and sleep. He not even pee's, but sometimes he has a number "2" in his pants or during sleep. I know that some people say that there is a problem when kids do stuff like this. I have thought of every possible problem that could make this child do stuff like this and am still not sure why. I sometimes feel that he is to "lazy" to go to the bathroom/toilet. He will sit and play and then have to run, otherwise it is to late. He has been doing this since the beginning of the year. I am not sure if it is because he started school this year or perhaps it could be because his mother had another baby the beginning of this year.

Just to inform you, he is 7, his sister is 4 and baby brother a few months. My daughter, who will be his step sister is also 4. He receives a lot of attention from myself, fiance and our families. When we buy stuff for the kids, we buy for both our children so that there is no fighting, but still he always have to complain about what we bought him. He never really thanks you for the gift unless you ask him to say thank you.

He also says that the other kids have more toys than him, which is not true at all. He has lots and lots of toys, even a computer. He has toys and his own clothes at his mother’s house as well as my house. He sometimes lies to us, saying that his mother didn't want to give him money for school things like "market day or for school trips". I have given his mother money for the school trip and she asked why am I giving the money, to which I responded that he told us that she didn't have money for him to go. She was never aware of the day of the trip because he never gave her the newsletter from school and she never told him that she didn't have money for him to go - or that is just what she says, I don't know.

He always wants to play with the other kids toys, but when they touch or play with his toys he yells at them. He sometimes break the other kids toys or play to rough with them. When I want to speak to him about sharing he throws tantrums and sometimes he'll even say that I don't like him. He sometimes tells us that if we don't buy him stuff, we don't love him. I have tried to explain to him, that love cannot be bought and that we love him even if we don't always spoil him.

He gets lost in shopping malls that sometimes it takes us 5 - 10 minutes to find him again. Sometimes he takes stuff of the shelves and brings it to you. When I tell him to put it back, he starts crying about the thing. You have to excuse me for mentioning all this stuff, but I am not use to this. My daughter does not do this stuff or cry about stuff in the shopping malls or get lost at times.

We have read notes in his school books from his teacher that she actually has permission from the head master to send him out of her class because he makes it impossible for her to teach the other children.

I know that we have to take him to see someone to evaluate him, but no one seems to listen to me. I feel lost as how to deal with this. This child really breaks my heart at times and I have noticed that my fiance and I are distracted from each other every time his child is there. We fight, which we never do. He disciplines my child (it is not his child) when she needs it, but sometimes lack to discipline his own child. When I question him about his son's behaviour and the fact that his child ignores me, he always tells me that he does that to him too. I don't feel that this is the right way to react to this child problem. I have spoken to my mother in law, even my "sons" mother - but no one does anything about this.

It is really frustrating for me at this point. He has spent the holidays with us and I am loosing it very fast. I work long hours. Leave home at 06h00 and return at 18h00. I have to do all the stuff mommies do, cook, clean, bath the children and do washing at nights - I can't still deal with a child you ignores me flat when I try my best to get through to him.

He has really bad eating habits as well and this causes me to tell him every night to eat with his mouth closed, or to chew his food properly. He sometimes stuff his mouth so full that he can't even chew the food. He always makes a pig out of himself when it comes to sweets and stuff and this is very humiliating when we are visiting people.

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