Online Parent Support Chat


Younger Brother Bash

My 16 year old feels it’s his right to bash my 14 year old when he wants. My 14 year old wants me to kick him out so we can have some normality. I need to protect my other three sons from him as he is unpredictable uncontrollable and unapproachable. He steals from the whole family, causes damage to our rented premises, has served 9 months in custody and is on probation. I don’t want him locked up again but I don’t want him here either, unless he changes and gets some help. He has nowhere else to go because no one else will take him, and I will never kick him out. Will your program really help me - we are all desperate?

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It is only a matter of time...

I have a 13 year old daughter who has been a challenge since birth. Her anger and aggression have always been and issue. Her seventh grade year was very very difficult. She is disrespectful to me and her step father. She is verbally abusive to her 11 year old sister. To make matters worse, she has not seen her father since January. I found out March that he is under house arrest for one year for dui and has lost he license for 10 years. Help!

She is hanging out with the wrong crowd. How can I encourage her to find new friends? She has not gotten into any real trouble, but I really believe it is only a matter of time.

My husband and I have discussed the possibility that she has ODD. I believe that she has mild ADD and had a least one teacher in elementary school say that she thought so as well. When I tried to discuss this with her father he accused me of wanting to medicate her because I couldn't control her.

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It's Gettin' Worse

My 12 year old daughter lies more than she tells the truth …she is on meds and in therapy, but she seems to be getting worse. When i confront her, she plays dumb or says ‘yes everything is my fault’ …she hurts her younger sisters [not bad] but i am scared it will worse as she ages. She has unrealistic views of money, she is overweight and pretends to diet, yet i find candy wrappers all over -- i have found steak knives and matches in her room.

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He has been diagnosed with ADD and mood disorders...

I've never written to you before. We have had so many problems with our middle child K___ who is now 17 years old. He has been diagnosed with ADD and mood disorders. Last week because of so many instances we had him admitted into the hospital. K___ is very good at manipulation and after just a few days there he already has many privileges. The nurses find it hard to believe that K___ has problems because he is so friendly and respectful. But as K___ has said to us "If I be good, I'll get to go outside, etc.” Don't know what to do but don't have much time to write.

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Son Fits Criteria for ODD

My son is 15 and fits the criteria for ODD, however none of the profiles described sound like him. He was difficult to discipline as a younger child, but I didn't recognize him in the profiles given. He has severe anger and outbursts and is extremely defiant. He swears at me, calls me names such as bitch, slut and whore, punches holes in the walls, has dented my car with his fist, throws things, leaves the house without permission and generally controls the household with his outbursts. He smokes pot regularly and is failing in school with excessive truancies. While he may have ODD and probably depression as well, I think that I have allowed these problems to go on far too long because I do not know how to handle them. My son does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants because he knows I can't stop him when I am work all day. When I am at home, it becomes a power struggle that he usually wins. How do I take back my power and put a stop to his teenage terrorism? HELP!

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My 17 year old daughter has runaway ...

My 17 year old daughter has runaway to her grandmothers house because she doesn't like my live-in boyfriend. She has put her boyfriend's parents as an example of what I and my boyfriend should be like to make her want to come home. We are ourselves and feel great frustration with this. She does not want us to be together she says it is either him (my boyfriend ) or her. I have, since she was very young, seen her run to grandma when she didn't get her way with me and now am very upset by this whole situation. I do not feel that letting my boyfriend go is going to fix the problem is only going to make me more frustrated in the future.

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Things are totally out of control.

Things are totally out of control.

My eldest son has made a few text message contacts for money. Has as yet not made any attempts to change his negative life style. Although he says he loves me and his brother and that we will be a family without his father soon. Don't know when he expects this to occur.

My husband walked out on me and my youngest son end of February. Said he has no love towards the relationship and has made no attempts to contact his younger son (14) in the near five months he has deserted us. He has totally exited the relationship and family in a very cruel way. Left without telling me, withdrawing money over an undisclosed period of time. Opened his own bank account on his younger son’s birthday in February just before leaving us all. This is all too familiar with his family history. His father had affairs in his early forties, but stayed with his wife. My husband’s uncle had affairs and left his wife and two young daughters in his early 40's along-side my husband’s grandfather who did the same leaving his wife and two son's and daughter. All of which have had affairs more than one marriage at the expense of their loving and devoted families. I should have seen the sign and not take up with my husband.

Our family is now in a mess emotionally and financially and my younger son is not coping with all this as I am not. A family destroyed by a lack of or more like a total disregard to keep our family together and support each other by my estranged husband.

I don't know what to do anymore.

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I don't see a big improvement...

ADHD seems to only affect my son at home with behavior problems and bad language. He will be 9 end of Aug. Psychiatrist put him on Abilify, a mood altering med. Really don't see a big improvement [at times I do], but we have gotten more consistent in consequences when punishing him also.

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Teachers cannot cope with the challenges he presents...

My son L___ is twelve and gifted but boredom at school leads him to join in with the chaos that surrounds him. After numerous meetings on how they should handle him I am mortified that teachers are undermining him as they cannot cope with the challenges he presents.

All the while his education is suffering as only two members of staff are willing to try and extend him. I am so frustrated and at a point where I feel I could do a better job educating him at home but then he will miss out on the social side of life that school gives.

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Your informative site "My out of control teen" and "Online Parent Support" is awesome! The fee is worth it; for what I get out of the ebook and monthly updates is priceless. You are VERY appreciated. I have learned so much, and look everyday for anything from you. You are definitely concerned with informing and helping parents.




It is really frustrating for me at this point...

I was browsing through the web site. I am a mother of one beautiful little girl (4), who never really gives me any problems, except that she is cheecky, like most girls.

My actual problem is that my fiance's son is making life very difficult for lots of people. He is 7 and in grade 1. He ignores everybody and cries over almost every little thing. His mom and dad (my fiance) has been separated since he was very small and by now he should have been used to traveling between the families on weekends and holidays.

He is a very smart boy, but can’t sit still for one minute. He makes as if he doesn't hear you when you are talking to him. I have find that if I make him look me in the face, he listens and that helps.

I have to mention that he still pee's in his pants at home, school and sleep. He not even pee's, but sometimes he has a number "2" in his pants or during sleep. I know that some people say that there is a problem when kids do stuff like this. I have thought of every possible problem that could make this child do stuff like this and am still not sure why. I sometimes feel that he is to "lazy" to go to the bathroom/toilet. He will sit and play and then have to run, otherwise it is to late. He has been doing this since the beginning of the year. I am not sure if it is because he started school this year or perhaps it could be because his mother had another baby the beginning of this year.

Just to inform you, he is 7, his sister is 4 and baby brother a few months. My daughter, who will be his step sister is also 4. He receives a lot of attention from myself, fiance and our families. When we buy stuff for the kids, we buy for both our children so that there is no fighting, but still he always have to complain about what we bought him. He never really thanks you for the gift unless you ask him to say thank you.

He also says that the other kids have more toys than him, which is not true at all. He has lots and lots of toys, even a computer. He has toys and his own clothes at his mother’s house as well as my house. He sometimes lies to us, saying that his mother didn't want to give him money for school things like "market day or for school trips". I have given his mother money for the school trip and she asked why am I giving the money, to which I responded that he told us that she didn't have money for him to go. She was never aware of the day of the trip because he never gave her the newsletter from school and she never told him that she didn't have money for him to go - or that is just what she says, I don't know.

He always wants to play with the other kids toys, but when they touch or play with his toys he yells at them. He sometimes break the other kids toys or play to rough with them. When I want to speak to him about sharing he throws tantrums and sometimes he'll even say that I don't like him. He sometimes tells us that if we don't buy him stuff, we don't love him. I have tried to explain to him, that love cannot be bought and that we love him even if we don't always spoil him.

He gets lost in shopping malls that sometimes it takes us 5 - 10 minutes to find him again. Sometimes he takes stuff of the shelves and brings it to you. When I tell him to put it back, he starts crying about the thing. You have to excuse me for mentioning all this stuff, but I am not use to this. My daughter does not do this stuff or cry about stuff in the shopping malls or get lost at times.

We have read notes in his school books from his teacher that she actually has permission from the head master to send him out of her class because he makes it impossible for her to teach the other children.

I know that we have to take him to see someone to evaluate him, but no one seems to listen to me. I feel lost as how to deal with this. This child really breaks my heart at times and I have noticed that my fiance and I are distracted from each other every time his child is there. We fight, which we never do. He disciplines my child (it is not his child) when she needs it, but sometimes lack to discipline his own child. When I question him about his son's behaviour and the fact that his child ignores me, he always tells me that he does that to him too. I don't feel that this is the right way to react to this child problem. I have spoken to my mother in law, even my "sons" mother - but no one does anything about this.

It is really frustrating for me at this point. He has spent the holidays with us and I am loosing it very fast. I work long hours. Leave home at 06h00 and return at 18h00. I have to do all the stuff mommies do, cook, clean, bath the children and do washing at nights - I can't still deal with a child you ignores me flat when I try my best to get through to him.

He has really bad eating habits as well and this causes me to tell him every night to eat with his mouth closed, or to chew his food properly. He sometimes stuff his mouth so full that he can't even chew the food. He always makes a pig out of himself when it comes to sweets and stuff and this is very humiliating when we are visiting people.

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He talks about his father like he is dirt...

I need help: My fiancé has a 16-year-old son. Who is very disrespectful and somewhat violent. He lived with his father for the past 3 years and has been very unhappy since day one of being pulled from his mom. His mom lives in another state. This year he went back to live with his mom and the school year has been a joke, his behavior is horrible and in school suspension is the norm. He is rude disrespectful and talks about his father like he is dirt. His father said he is going to make him come back to live with him this school year.

The son is telling anyone that will listen that he will run away if his father forces him to live with him again. He does not want to live with his father. I am worried because this child always talks about not liking his father and wishing he was not living. He is truly out of control and I don't know how to help his dad. I think that his son can become violent, I have seen him have several outburst, cursing and saying very disturbing things. He said his father messed up the last 3 years of his life because he took him away from his mom.

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This gives me hope...

Thanks Mark...

I am just reading through the Ebook and am quite surprised, but relieved to know that there are lots of other parents and kids out there with the same type of problems. This in itself gives me hope that our family can get through this with advice from yourself and other parents who have been through it.

Thank you for making this information available - I feel it will be very beneficial.



'My Out-of-Control Teen' eBook


Special Needs Camps

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My home life is so out of control...

I am having problems with my son who just turned 18 in Jan 07, and graduated from H.S. in May. My home life is so out of control between my 18yr old, husband and me. We are going to counseling, my son and I, but things seem worse. He is now saying he wants to move out. I don’t want to loose my son. As a mom I need help, and support from other moms in my situation. Thanks.

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He's refusing to go to a summer camp...

I have a 13-year-old son who is refusing to go to a summer camp for gifted and talented. He filled out forms in April, but says he only did so to get me to leave him alone. I say he could have refused to fill them out as easily as refuse to get in the car and go. Five to six hundred dollars of the school's money has been spent for this. I do not have a lot of money. Neither does my son. He does have quite defiant behavior, but also seems to be a little clingy sometimes. Help!

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In or Out of control?

My daughter will be 20 in two months time …she is what can be best described as strong willed …we do not have screaming fits anymore …perhaps because my husband and I have no control.

She is at university and has never had grade or social problems …she still lives at home, although she probably only sleeps there twice a week …the rest of the time she sleeps at her boyfriend or a friends house. When she is at home, she is either on the phone or emailing her friends …she seldom interacts with the rest of the family, although dinner time has always been a family affair (when she is home).

She drives around late at night and we feel she puts herself at risk. She is supposed to clean the house to earn extra money, but doesn’t do a good job …when I speak to her about it, she becomes defensive and tells me her friends do nothing in their homes …I keep quiet for peace. Her bedroom is disgusting …she makes her bed once a week when she does her chores.

My husband and I are getting less sleep than when she was a baby …we lie in bed worrying about her safety …often when we phone her …it goes to voicemail and when questioned she tells us that her phone went dead, or her battery was flat, which is totally acceptable after the fact, but we didn’t know that in the middle of the night. Out of control? I think she is very much in control, but it is wearing us down.


I'm at the end of my rope...

I am looking for help with my two teenage boys, who have recently been diagnosed with ODD. I am a single mother, out of an alcoholic marriage for 2 ½ years. My children behave a lot like my ex, and I am now coming to the understanding that it was not only the alcoholic environment that has caused the turmoil in my home, but also a pre-disposition to this condition, handed to my boys by family genes.

I feel at a loss to control their behavior, they have not respect or concern for my expectations, and I believe I am going to have to quite school this summer to supervise them...which will keep us in the poverty we are currently experiencing. I feel somewhat hopeless about getting and keeping a job, due to the extreme needs of my children. One missed 6 months of school (refused to go) and the other has been suspended so many times I have lost count.

I am desperate for any advice on how to parent these children, I am not abusive, and they are not afraid of any consequences I might impose. Their main pleasure in life is playing an online game called Runscape, and most of the terrible arguments and fights are about the computer, getting off when their turn is up, and sometimes even things that are happening in the game itself.

I feel like I am often "at the end of my rope"...and am getting very little joy out of being a mom right now.

She Hates Me

My daughter lost her dad 4yrs ago and has always hated me since she has got to the stage of steeling from my purse of which I have caught her twice …she won't help …she resents her brother …and when I confront her she goes into a raging temper and smashes her bedroom up and sometimes things in the house …my things.

i have tried to get help from the doctors and school but i just get letters saying she's on a waiting list. She has been through a lot as i was in hospital for 6 month and now i am disabled. She then had to under go an operation, so i would imagine she hates the world.

We do have times where we say sorry and i feel we have had a break through, but till the next time, she has smashed hoovers and stuff and has broken her brother's keyboard through frustration.

She used to go to her dad’s parents, but refuses to go because there are nothing but pictures of her dad and she say's no-one will stop going on about him and that she wants to block him out - i'm totally lost …i don't know how to help her …i can't imagine how she feels cos I still have both my parents …i just want to help her now so she can see
life is'nt all bad.

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I don't know what to do or where to turn to...

I have 3 children. My oldest child (girl) will be 12 in a couple of months, she has ODD only, my middle child (boy) is 7 1/2 years old, and he has been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, my youngest child is 7 months old (girl), and has no problems. My older 2 children belong to myself and my ex-husband, we had a rocky marriage and we divorced in 2004. Could any of these contribute to the situation? Right now their father is doing contractor work in Iraq, and they have been living with me full time, but when he returns we have to go back to the custody arrangement of 1 week with him and 1 week with myself, does this make it harder for children with this type of living situation? My middle child has been recently put on medication for his ADHD/ODD, but my older child is on nothing. I did tell her therapist at our last meeting, I have almost gone to far as giving my older child on Lexapro because of how she is. I need help, and I don't know what to do or where to turn to.

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Kid Doesn't Finish School

My 16 year old son didn't complete the last year of his compulsory schooling. We tried everything to keep him going. Until that year he had an excellent attendance record. End of year 10 he was predicted A* and B's across the board, that was when he decided he wouldn't go again. Now, we do not give him any money. Whatever he wants he has to earn. Unfortunately he doesn't want very much. We provided him with work in husband's factory. He went once, but will not get out of bed this morning. We are forever encouraging him. Shouting doesn't work at all.

How can I get through to her?

My daughter is almost 17. She is an honor student and also has a part time job. The problem is she is 'dating' a boy who does drugs and drinks. She was forbidden to see him six months ago and we just found out she has been lying and sneaking around to see him behind our backs.

We bought her a used car for her upcoming birthday and told her it was with the condition that she stay away from this boy. Otherwise, it would be taken away. Now she has threatened to run away (again) if we take away her privileges, and she said she will not live here anymore.

There is alcoholism in the family and she cannot put herself in that environment. Her father (alcoholic) left when she was 8. I've already had to call the police once about 6 months ago when she ran away and slept overnight in this boys car. How can I get through to her?

He became violent...

My much younger brother 'G' has just turned 16 and lives with my father and grandparents. Recently he has become very rebellious, climbing out his window at night, girls climbing in the window at night, refusing to go to Tafe and work experience, refusing to be home at curfew, calling my father names such as ‘Dickhead’ and ‘idiot’ and generally abusive, name calling. Last night he refused to return from the movie when told to do so ...when my father went to collect him, 'G' became violent and my father was forced to restrain him as he kicked in the door of my
dad’s brand new car. He then took off into the night and refused to answer his phone. Finally today he answered to me, but refused to tell
me where he is and will not return home.

As I am married with children of my own, I don’t feel that him coming here would be the solution. What should we do? He has no money, no Job, no spare clothes, and only his bike. I can only imagine the dramatic fairytale he has told whoever he is staying with. Should we just let him go, to fend for himself he old enough legally to move out? Please Help!!

Run Away Problem

My 15 year old daughter has run away ...we did all the things you recommended not to do - i.e., threatened her with grounding and calling the cops and changing schools ...she has called us and told us that she is not coming home for a long time. I have contacted all her friends and their parents ...she has contacted her brother through her MySpace saying the same thing ...she is not coming home for a long time, what can we do now?

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