Online Parent Support Chat

30.8.07

I have never abused my child...

I have a 15 year old girl completely out-of-control. ACS has become involved questioning my discipline stating I have used corporate punishment. She now gets to do whatever she wants and ACS has made no attempt to help the situation besides railroad me and focus on the irrelevant. I have never abused my child. Most recently, my daughter started to stay out passed curfew and steal from me and other family members. I confronted her about it. She became very hostile to the point I had to push her away, which resulted in two minor scratches to her neck. ACS has filed family court petitions against me to terminate my rights along with criminal proceedings. My daughter gets to stay out to in the morning, etc and dares me to intervene by threatening to call ACS with false allegations. I am trying to do all I can do to save my family but my hands are tied. I feel lost and confused on further actions to take if I am allowed any.

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He does not want to listen...

I have a 9 year old step son that we have custody of since 2002. He does not want to listen to what i ask him to do in a calm voice ...then it turns into a fight. He is also teaching my 3 year old to run away from me when he is in trouble. What do i need to do?

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What do we do?

I have an 18 yr niece who just recently graduated from school. Her boyfriend broke off their relationship before prom time. She continues to go after him til this day. The sweet happy attitude has changed dramatically and she is violent to her parents and her little sister (who is 12yrs). She has left the house twice after she became violent for no reason. She always returns home within a day or 2. The car, phone, tv, computer, etc., have been taken from her and she still acts out. She has punched her mom and sister. What do we do?

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Love Bite?

Hello, My 14 yo daughter came home from school today with a love bite on her neck. She said that she agreed to it but would not tell me who did it. Another mother told me that being bi-sexual was 'all the rage' at this school, according to her daughter. I do not know what to do. I suspect it was a girlfriend of hers.

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My daughter became pregnant at age 15...

I have searched the web for any related articles on how to cope with being the parent of a teenager who is now a mother. We have always been close and I am a single mother (and now grandmother to a wonderful 2 year old girl). My daughter became pregnant at age 15 and there are many details surrounding that which I won’t go into at this time. I remained supportive, loving and positive for her throughout. We have had many disagreements through the years and some of them volatile but never abusive or lasting. She moved in with her boyfriend at a young age since they shared a child and she moved back in with me 8 months ago because they finally ended the bad relationship. I have bent over backward to help her throughout these past 8 months and she will do great for awhile and then go off the deep end. She will be loving and hard-working one minute and then complain about my help and be combative the next. I continue to struggle and need to know if there is any reading material out there some where for us single mothers who are parenting teenage single mothers. This is not a unique situation in this day and time.

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How do I deal with this?

My 14 year old daughter has been grounded for 7 days. Today I was in bed ill and my daughter asked me what was for her school lunch. I told her she would have to make her own today. She then proceeded out to my car and went through my wallet looking for money. I had no money and she was angry at me for it. How do I deal with this? Do I extend her grounding? I was totally shocked and disappointed.

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29.8.07

We are at our wits end...

We have a 17 year old daughter who is the love of our lives or should I say was! She abuses her mother verbally, swears at her, calls her names, tells her she hates her and that we are both bad parents. She constantly abuses her curfew and has even struck her mother. She has left the house twice and said she is never coming back but she has returned each time. She wants to go to alternative High School so she can graduate early and leave home! There is constant drama at school and amongst her friends. She has been suspended for four days last year for fighting in school and has even used the F word with one of her teachers. We are at our wits end emotionally as well as physically. HELP!!!

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26.8.07

This is all so funny...

My 15 yr. old daughter has been drinking every nite for the past 3 weeks...she's been picked up by the P.D. but she thinks its a big joke. We recently got evicted from our apartment because her and her friends were being loud...we had 3 chances but she didn't stop, she thinks this is all so funny. I am a single mom trying to do the best for her but I don't know what to do anymore. Can someone please offer me some suggestions? Thank you.

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23.8.07

He has no respect...

I have a 14 year old son that smoke's he does not do well in school and stays out of school a lot. I try do discipline him but he get a big attitude problem when you speak to him, he thinks that he knows more than you do. He has no respect and speaks to me just like he wants. He has the way of irritating you so that you feel you can not take it anymore. He keeps on with things even if you ask him to stop he does not until you lost you temper. He like hitting and hurting his little brother of 9 years. Me and his father divorced when he was very young and his father was a big roll model in his life and now has made a mistake and is sitting in jail. He does see him often. I am married again and he does not have respect for the stepfather. I know what he is capable of in school.

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16.8.07

Nothing Works!

I have a 7 year old that stays in trouble. Lying is her biggest area of concern. She minds her dad for the most part but will not mind me. If I ask her to do something she will tell a lie and say she has completed the task. She had issues masturbating from the age of 3 on until she would make herself bleed. I mentioned this to the doctor and he did not seem concerned. She refuses to wipe herself off after going to the bathroom so her panties stay soiled. She had difficulty in completing her schoolwork last year. She did it right and had wonderful penmanship as long as you sat right there with her. We tried spanking, it doesn't work. We have taken things like TV away, not video games, no going to parties and doing fun things. The behavior still has not improved. We don't know what else to do.

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Anger Problem

I am writing to you for some advice on teen anger. I live with my boyfriend. He has an 11 year old son who has pretty bad anger at times. For example when he's angry he uses foul language, has little to no respect for adults, every time his dad says that he's grounded or takes couple things out of his room for a while, the boy says that he doesn't care cause he gets grounded all the time and he doesn't have to apologize for what he says.

At times he gets so angry that he talked about killing himself and/or stabbing his dad and me, or he says things like he wants to kill himself. He is seeing a psychologist but it seems that he is not doing much for him. These episodes are happening a lot, like few times a week. He also blames other people for anything that doesn't go his way, he twists words around and says sometimes that someone said certain things when they didn't, he says that everyone is a liar when he sometimes doesn't get what he wants. Personally! I somehow see that he wants to be in control of everybody's life, especially his dads. How do you help this troubled teen? It seems like he needs more than psychologist.

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14.8.07

I am so unbelievably drained...

My 16 year old daughter is making me crazy. Since she was 14 she has lied, stolen, destroyed property, been expelled from school, done drugs and alcohol. She lived with her Dad for 8 months, then spent 5 months in a strict Christian facility for troubled teens (which kicked her out in January). Since she has been back with me she has continued to disrespect myself and her stepfather, as well as all the other things listed above.

I had her arrested in May for smashing mirrors and furniture in my home and for shoving me. 5 days county jail did nothing to change her. She spent another 5 days in jail in June for punching me in the face and pushing me to the floor.

She left home 3 days ago and is staying with friend because she "can't take this house". (My husband had tried to send her to her room when he found out she was stealing money from his briefcase.) She refused to go to her room and walked out. The police can't bring her home because of her age, and the judge we have gone before for her 2 charges (which have yet to be resolved) refuses to release the psychiatric report from her first jail stay. I was forced to hire an attorney to defend her for the charges of hitting ME, yet the judge won't even release the psych report to her attorney for her defense! There is nothing I can do.

Over the last 2 years, I have sought family counseling, probation diversion, anger management, and even residential treatment for my daughter at the cost of many thousands of dollars. I have been a member for almost a year and their advice and support has been invaluable.

I am so unbelievably drained from all the drama with my daughter. Her twin sister has suffered from being in the background because of the chaos of my home. I am legally and financially responsible for this child but I can't make her come home and I can't find out what a psychiatrist recommends as far as treatment.

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10.8.07

Daughter Problems

Our daughter lies, steels, uses alcohol and drugs, skipped school and then stopped going, destroyed property or ran away in reaction to any limits reinforced, had a brush with the law over stealing and assault. refuses to follow rules, stays out at night without permission and hangs with kids on the streets.

She has been raped. This year we have her in boarding school. The school is threatening to kick her out. We will always love her but can’t have her home again. She has control and knows it. Each term break we try to start afresh which goes well for the first few days and then the language, bullying and hanging on the streets takes over.

We have sought professional help and she is on ADHD medication. On this, medication her grades have improved and with being in boarding school she is getting to school. Two major positives. My regret is we didn’t do it sooner when she first started to change. The professional advice has been you have done all that can be done, let her go.

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9.8.07

Wish me luck!

Hi Mark,

Just an update. M______ was home when I got there to drive him to work (the heavy rain may have helped!). He asked if he could use the car to drive to work. Told no, got immediately on the phone to ask Dad. I got on the extension and said I already said no. M______ got upset and said "then I'm not going to work". I calmly fixed his brother's lunch and was sifting through the mail. He after a few minutes grabbed my car keys (to MY car) and acted as if he was leaving. I didn't react. I stayed in the house. In about 5 minutes, he came back in, swearing at me and pointing out that I am making him late and to hurry up. I again let these comments slide.

Picked up from work, got home about 9:30pm. Nice conversation on the way home, he ate dinner, etc. Then he asked to go to the movies. Told no, he was not going out as part of his consequence from the night before. He immediately goes to his Dad, and Dad verifies with me, and we say no. He states he's going anyway, is angry, throws a shoe at the ceiling, makes a big mark, and there is now 2 new dents in the hallway wall near the bathroom ( I didn't actually see him do it but they weren't there earlier). He denies the dents but admits to the mark. He then grabbed the house phone and acted as if he were making plans. (Covered up this call with another so we could not use "redial"). Reminded of no phone use. He said he was going to go "work out". Told no. He had on work-out clothes. He is leaving (now about 9:30pm), so I tell him if he leaves the property I will file runaway. He is in and out of the house/garage/yard for awhile (as if waiting for a ride). Finally I don't see him anymore. I go out into the yard several times and don't see him or evidence of him being around.

Husband is not really supportive of me filing runaway as he feels it will only cost money and not change anything (did spend 1 night in Juve in March '06 for dom. assault, then 6 mos probation), and further states he will not attend any court appearances, etc if it should come to that. Husband also starts talking about just letting him go, he can't deal with it anymore, etc. I say "NO--that is exactly what he wants and it will mean he wins and I will not back down from what I originally said. We have done it that way so often before he is hoping we cave." He reluctantly agrees, but does want me to go by the gym first to see if he's there. I do go by the gym and of course he's not been there all night. I try several of his friends, and they say they have not see/heard from him. His "ex" girlfriend (possibly not "ex" as they are again talking daily and trying to see each other as often as possible) hangs up on me. I do go to the police dept. and file.

As soon as I get home about 11:15pm, we get a call on our house phone from a girlfriend of his "ex's" cell #. She claims to be the older sister and has a complaint that M______ is threatening her sister through e-mail, has been for awhile, and she will go to the police with them as she has kept them. I encourage her to do so, and ask why did she wait until 11:30pm on a Tuesday to contact us. She then further asks for my e-mail so she can forward them. NO WAY am I giving them this information!! I know this is the girl, not sister "pranking" us. She then proceeds to say "what king of parents are you, can't you control your child, blah, blah, blah", as in mocking us. I shortly hang up and they never call back. (This girl lives about 4-5 miles away, or an easy jog or ride if my son was there.)

Just after this call M______ is knocking on the door--about 11:30m. We tell him that we reported him. He claims to have been hiding out in the yard all this time. We tell him we don't believe it and why coincidentally did his friend just so happen to call out of the blue, and right after I tried his "ex". He is sticking to his story. I call the police department as they have to send an officer out to verify him being home. He tries to talk to M______ awhile. He tells him straight out he doesn't believe the yard story either. He tells him, he needs to evaluate what he wants his life to be like--even in a few short years. He tells him he has a lot of positives going for him, but if he chooses the wrong path, it will be job security for him. We are told this will be turned over to the juvenile division and written up the following day. We will be contacted about it later. M______ is told he may not leave the house tomorrow, and consequences start over. He is like a "deer in headlights". I don't think he really believed we would go through with it. Not sure what will happen next!

Again, I am at work and have not heard from him yet. I am hoping to stay focused and strong. Wish me luck!

J.

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I think I found something very important in this email: You said, "We have done it that way so often before he is hoping we cave."

I believe this is why he continues to relentlessly test the limits. He has found that if he protests long enough, he gets his way eventually. It's just a matter of time - one more temper tantrum, one more threat, just one more verbal outburst, and good old mom and/or dad will wave the white flag.

Keep up the pressure (and take care of you 1st ...that's right - 1st),

Mark

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8.8.07

I just don't know what else to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a mom of three, two boys and a girl. My oldest is 15 That's B___ Oct of 1991, C___ June of 1993, A___ April of 1996.

My son B___ thinks SORRY fixes everything. His dad and I are divorced since 1998 I remarried 2001 and my new husband is more than good to all my kids. Its just that B___ will NOT MIND. For instance My kids go to there dads for 8 weeks in the summer. There dad lives in Ohio. So his dad and I made it so I would get the kids back so B___ could play football well I got them back on Sunday Aug 5th came home the morning of aug 6th 2007 he had football 3-8:30 pm on that day.(( My Mom had a Drs.Appointment that I was gona take her to see if she had to have sugary or not. She lives in Ohio))Her app. was on Aug 7th 2007. But I came home because B___ said he wanted to play football. Well my grandson is 16 he was gona play football as well, well the two boys went to football and my grandson couldn't play because of his grades. B___ calls me and tells me this I told him to stay there I would pick him up later. Well He comes home and tells me he wasn't playing football. I take him back the next day he wont get out of the car. I missed my moms app.because of B___ wanted to play football. Now he don't want to play and I missed my moms app. and he don't care. He thinks his way or no way. He thinks money grows on trees.

I need help with him. I don't know what else to do. He has gone to hit me before he has it my husband before and his dad. I just don't know what else to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I live in Michigan and its 3.5 hours to the kids dads house and I take them there every other weekend. B___ has punched the wall and put a hole in it. He doesn't like the word NO. Please help me with him. I don't want the other two seeing this and thinking its ok. Then they will start doing it to me. HE gets mad at me then he wants to go live with his dad. He gets mad at his dad he wants to come back home.


My 15 yr old Son has all of these:

lose his temper

argue with adults

refuse to comply with rules and requests

deliberately annoy people

blame others for his mistakes and misbehavior?


My son has these as well:

touchy and easily annoyed by others

angry and resentful

spiteful and vindictive

Lied to me all the time

Destroyed property

Refused to follow any rules

Hanging with the wrong crowed

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3.8.07

She is most times a good kid...

My 15-year-old daughter, who smokes and has tried marijuana and alcohol, will get very angry on occasion and leave home to go out with friends despite her parent’s objections. I do not know what the consequences should be for such defiant behavior. She is most times a good kid and has a summer job, which she enjoys. She gets decent grades and is on the school cheerleading squad. We would allow her more freedom if she would show some more mature behavior.

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