Online Parent Support Chat

11.9.07

Could it be something is his food...?

Hi Mark,

B___ has ADHD. Never has had a problem in school or church. At home is another issue. No sooner he gets off the school bus he starts being angry and whole 9 yards. I have believe he has been ODD for sometime, he sees a psychiatrist and counselors but, has never been diagnosed yet. We have been looking into a scared straight program for him, he has been at the police station once but says if he makes another trip there, he would go away for 2-4 yrs. to a JDC. We have spanked, took things away. We have tried being consistent. Want do you think. He's been on 8 different meds in the past 4 yrs. Makes him meaner so we took him off. Could it be something is his food or what?

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10.9.07

He has several issues...

My son is actually 10. He has been out of control for a while. He has several issues including Aspergers, PDD, ODD Adhd, Depression, anxiety.. He hits me my mother who is 70, he is severely ODD. I am not sure where to start. He does not listen to anything. He has encopresis. He has gone through early puberty right before 9. He is a very large child 5 '4 160. How do you manage when they are screaming and throwing things. He acts like a 17 year old. How do you keep cool. The PHD have not helped, all meds have not worked. Seen a neurolist, nothing there, seeing a endocrinolist. Has been through 2 out patient treatments. Please I need some help.

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9.9.07

Essentially I'm one single parent...

Mark - here's my situation:

1) out-of-countrol teen (13yr daughter) - corrupted by internet
2) grave autism (9yr son) - nothing seems to be working
3) in-denial spouse (23yrs) - don't see eye-to-eye on anything
4) pressure-cooker job (cto of 6-yr start-up) - consumes all available bandwidth

On the plus-side (for this weekend anyway) your ptsp which I downloaded last night. So much of what I read rings crystal clear (the part on dependency and self-reliance). In typical fashion the wife dismissed it and has her own agenda.

Urgently need to take control of #1 (spiraling out of control) and #3 (empty, hopeless, relationship). Your advise to: a) take better care of self and b) not make any major changes makes perfect sense but regarding #3 - I think it's really too far-gone to leave alone or repair. Essentially I'm one single parent at loggerheads with another (we agree on NOTHING).

I clearly need some help and guidance and am seriously consider some local therapy for everyone. Can this be done long-distance? Do you know anyone on Long Island New York?

Plz advise asap...

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Hi,

Couples therapy may have some benefit, but I wouldn’t drag the children into the therapist’s office. That would just be another traditional parenting strategy that will have little – or no – effect.

You don’t need any lines of bullshit from me – so I’m going to cut to the chase:

If your wife is not on the same page with you on anything whatsoever, then this WILL be the kiss of failure re: your children changing unwanted behavior. I’m sure you know this though.

When parents are on different pages, the kids can easily and effectively play one parent against the other. It would be easier – and a lot less painful – to simply go beat your head against a brick wall than try to implement change with no support from your spouse.

First -- and most importantly -- do what your gut tells you to do. Having said that…

…now I’m going to tell you what I would do (this is not necessarily a recommendation per say):

I would not – and have not – stayed in a relationship that was ‘toxic’ for me. I’m not a proponent for “staying in a marriage for the sake of the kids.” This may go contrary to convention, but so be it. Life is too short to be miserable – or to simply survive from one day to the next. I expect a higher quality of day-to-day living than that.

There are many single parents who make significant headway with their child’s poor choices in spite of the fact that the other parent in the other home is working in the opposite direction. I won’t get off into this topic now though …it’s premature. I’ll simply leave you with this thought:

Do not settle for second best in life…not with your health (spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially or vocationally) …and certainly not with your children.

Change is tough & painful, but the reward at the other end is definitely worth it!!!

Mark

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8.9.07

I keep praying...

My name is L___ and I have three children, ages: 16(girl), 14(boy), and 7(girl). My major problem is with my oldest daughter. I am one of those have tried everything almost …from counseling to even signing her up and going to a program through our local police department. The last thing is that she went out a window in our home and took my car at 11:30 at night. Her and her brother both swear constantly. I am interested in your program but am scared that it will just be unsuccessful. I keep praying. It is and has been tearing my husband apart. My daughter is again threatening emancipation.

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7.9.07

They don't like each other...

I have my children and step children, they don't like each other, step children threaten to do bad things to my children, they lose temper, blame others for their mistakes, my children are reluctant for their education. I need advise, how to bring them in good terms. I have wasted time and energy trying to make them change.

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I have an out of control stepson...

I have an out of control stepson 16 that has lived w/two girls and he finally came home to go back to school. He is considered a 9th grader again and my husband does not recognize that his son has a problem. He loves to go out and stay out and drink & smoke. He has been doing this going on 2yrs now. What can be done?? Is it to late?? He has been in trouble with MIC and curfew violations already and has not learned from that experience. My husband says boy will be boys. He does not respect us or our home. He has stolen, lied, stayed out all night or wake us up @ 5 or 6am to come into the house and has stolen prescription pain pills from us and my husband still does not believe it. We finally put a deadbolt on our bedroom door to keep him out. I have a daughter (older from a previous marriage) and she did not do any of these things.

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4.9.07

Son is extremely challenging...

My son is 11 years old and is extremely challenging. I am treated like i have no right to question him about homework, or ask him to be responsible for his school work or even for his actions. Its everyones fault but his own. He becomes irrational and starts screaming and crying and ripping things out of my hands, slamming doors. I try to give him everything I can and try to teach him right from wrong and how to be a better person. However I find myself yelling to talk over him. I am stressed out and I have got to turn this around. He really is a bright child and funny he just has a poor attitude when asked to do chores, homework, etc... I need help. I want my good boy back. I am so upset that I cant figure it out on my own.

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