I did sit down and tell him that I have made mistakes parenting him in the past and I am sorry that I have missed opportunities to teach him how to act. But I love him very much and want to help him with his behavior therefore some things are going to have to change.
I told him that being suspended from school and "getting" to stay home is way worse than getting to go to school and get an education so I gave him a long list of chores he has to do today instead of being at school. I tried to have my best poker face and not allow myself to argue with him. He told me he did not love me anymore- that he wanted to go live with his dad. In the meantime I told him he needed to stay in his room for the rest of the night - well he pushed and pushed and came out of his room over and over ... and I blew it. I yelled at him that he had better not come out of that freaking room again! He said what if I have to go to the bathroom and yelled well do it in the floor but you better not come out again! (he had already gone to the bathroom 4 or 5 time from 6pm-9pm as a ploy to get out of his room) So isnt that a lovely thing to say- ha! I tried but keeping calm when they are pushing sooooooooooooo hard is very difficult.
Well after I told him he would have to pee on the floor- I went in a few minutes later and told him good night and that I loved him (which by the way I have done everyday of his life) and that we were going to make it thru all of this. He said your just being nice now cause I told you I dont love you anymore. I said no I am telling you good night and I love you because I do - but your punishment stands.
This is a GREAT start. When you relapse (i.e., revert back to old parenting techniques such as yelling, getting angry, etc.), remind yourself that "relapse" is part of the process and is to be expected from time to time.
He loves you - he just doesn't like you right now. And that's o.k. because you are not a "buddy" - you are his "parent."
Keep up the momentum,
Online Parent Support