Online Parent Support Chat

20.2.08

We feel so old and worn out!

I ran across your website while looking for help with my 14 yr old daughter. Me and my Wife have been struggling so much with our daughter and it's been this way for at least the past 3 yrs now. She's completely defiant to not only me and her mother but with all of her teachers at school. I always told her mother that this would happen because she spoiled our daughter so bad while growing up and allowed her family to do the same. I would say clean your room and her mother would say, "don't worry, I'll do it".. It was like that to just about everything and not that I was a mean or nasty Dad at all but I was raised that you listen to your Mother and Father! Do not back talk! Clean your room or just plain do what you're told and there would be a reward if all things asked were completed. That's what I've tried to instill in my children but where in the world have we gone wrong?

I try to teach my daughter and talk to her from experience because as crazy as it sounds, we were 14 yrs of age when she was born and although we were babies having babies, we did everything we were suppose to do and were forced to grow up fast...but I still remember what it was like and I constantly tell her that. She just swears to God that we know nothing about what it's like to be her age and yadayadayada..... It drives me banana's!

She' such a beautiful and intelligent girl but she's getting practically all F's in School. She's defiant to all of her teachers and swears they hate her and then she chooses to hang around kids who are even worse than her. Now, I understand what she's going through because I went through it 14 yrs ago myself but I never once dared to talk back to my parents, teachers or any adult. My grades weren't all A's but they were never under D's one time. Me and her mother honestly didn't have the opportunity to finish junior high or high school because we went to work to provide for her. We did go back and get our diplomas year later and have both recently finished getting our A.A's. We've tried to be good role models for her and our 10 yr old son but nothing seems to work. Our son on the other hand is a straight A student..a little hard headed at times but GET'S IT!! We have hardly any issues with him but we never throw that in her face and they both receive the same love and respect from us.

We tried taking her, games, TVs, cell phone, nice shoes and clothes she likes, computer privileges and tons of other thing away and it still doesn't seem to matter to her. She's now head over heals for one one the bad boys in her school and has used our home and her things as a canvas to graffiti his name everywhere and does not care what happens to her when we see it. I've told her that it was OK to like whoever she pleased but to only be smart when it comes time that she tries to have boyfriends. We've fought hard to teach her the right things to do and for God's sake, SHE GOES TO CHRISTIAN SCHOOL!!! but has turned it into some ghetto stomping ground because she swears she and her friends are so street. Me and her mother grew up the hardest streets and roughest neighbor hoods where we live and we swore to never put our kids through that but our daughter wants to act like a tough girl and talk slang and swears she lives in the hood. We live in one of the nicest areas now and the only hood she get's is from T.V. or music she may listen to.

Her grandmother has spoiled her since day one and does nothing to help us in this situation. She actually helps my daughter with talking to this boy and covering for her when she does something wrong and I'm not sure if it's a way to just slap me in the face because she may be secretly mad at me and her daughter for when we had her but I've tried to tell my wife to please talk to her Mother and tell her to listen to our request but it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. She says she'll talk to her but I see no change. I've tried Church, counseling and tons of on-line information but nothing seems to work! What else can we do? Please help me because I don't know where else to turn and on top of that I'm dealing with heart surgery I just had a couple of weeks ago and this constant stress is killing both me and my wife! We're not even in our 30's yet and we feel so old and worn out! Help?

My Out-of-Control Teen

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