Online Parent Support Chat

26.4.08

I am so sick with worry about her behavior...

I have 3 children – daughter S 21, son E 17 and daughter S 15. The 21 year old has just graduated from university and has her head on straight. My son, although doing OK in school is often late and truant. He is also smoking weed daily and is probably dealing to his friends as I only give him money occasionally.

My greatest concern right now is my youngest daughter S. She hardly ever comes home after school, often does not come home on the weekends, does not tell me where she is, will not respect curfew, will not call, refuses to do any chores, is verbally abusive to me and her siblings. I know that she is abusing drugs, alcohol and is more than likely sexually active. She has no respect for authority, has been caught stealing, and is totally out-of-control. Her grades have dropped from high 70’s and 80’s to 60’s and is currently failing math. Recently she has started skipping classes and is often late for classes. To handle her truancy I have spoken to the vice-principal and S has been put on what they call a “blue sheet” which means she must get the sheet signed from each teacher and by me daily. She was furious with me about this and used a lot of colorful language. This was supposed to be implemented at the beginning of last week but she refused to do it. The vice-principal told her that she would be suspended if she did not comply and finally yesterday she told me that she has the blue sheet for me to sign. Also last week she called the caretaker a “bitch” so the vice-principal told her that she will have to do lunchroom cleanup and apologize. She didn’t comply to the lunchroom cleanup for a couple of days until she was told that she will be suspended. I am so sick with worry about her behavior and not coming home or coming home at 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning and not knowing how she even gets home.

My husband blames me for the poor relationship that I have with S and he totally refuses to take part in helping me set boundaries or consequences. He will not participate in any discipline so I am the one that removes cell phone and computer access and gets called a bitch among other things. I know that he too is concerned about what is happening but his approach is to layoff and that it will all go away when they get over this stage. I, on the other hand, feel emotionally and physically drained, don’t believe this behavior is acceptable and have a lot of difficulty focusing on what I have to do.

With S there is totally NO COMPLIANCE. Talking and discussing anything with her is met with “don’t talk to me and I am not listening”. I do not yell and scream anymore and try not to engage negatively – when she is rude I leave the room. Telling her she is grounded because she chose not the follow the rules is met with “F O and I can do whatever I like” and she just leaves the house and returns whenever. I feel helpless and she has all the control now.

She came home this morning between 6 and 7 a.m. as I checked her room at 5:30 am and she was not there. HELP!!!!!

My Out-of-Control Teen

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