My Son is 11 and has been difficult, if I'm honest, since he was about 1 year old. We have reached a point where it is now causing a problem within our family. We have never done anything about it, thinking that it would pass, but as your quite rightly say, it hasn't and it probably won't. We kid ourselves by thinking he is improving, but realistically, he isn't. We have good days and very bad days!
He had a very difficult time at primary school with his peers, they knew he was easily wound up and took advantage of the fact, the school did nothing about it. I asked for counselling and was refused, as the school didn't feel it was necessary. I also tried to get help locally, but with no luck. He changed schools in September moving on to secondary school, year 7. Things have improved and there are no issues there, he is a model student and is doing very well. He is also a fantastic drummer.
Unfortunately, at home is a different story. He is so angry. Fights with his brother all the time. Accuses us of loving our other son more than him, will not obey rules, argues, shouts at me, blames everyone else for his bad behaviour, etc, etc. It is causing problems for us because my husband and I do not know how to deal with it. We end up shouting back and taking away pocket money and privileges, but this does not seem to work either, the message doesn't seem to go in at all. We just end up feeling guilty and frustrated.
He hasn't been diagnosed with ODD, but the symptoms you list are almost identical to his. He has a lovely nature really and can be a very sweet boy, but his temper gets the better of him.
Sorry for the novel, it all just came out!
My Out-of-Control Child