Online Parent Support Chat

1.5.08

When he gets mad it's like he's a completely different person....

I have been searching and searching the net for some kind of advice. It started when my teen just turned 15 and started a new school. All hell broke loose, he thought he was a grown up now. He was hanging out, not coming home on time, talking back, yelling, throwing things, telling me what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it. Last year we had a fight and when we fight he always very defiant and tells me things like "I don't want to, I won't", "do you give up yet", "just be quiet" etc. I told him to go to his room and he refused. He came at me yelling in my face and putting his hands in my face. I got the phone and told him I was going to call my boyfriend to come over and diffuse the situation. He took the phone from me a threw it across the room, when I took my cell phone and told him I was going to call the police, he took that phone too. I grabbed his arm and he pulled away from me, my nails scratched his arm and he now has a scar. After that I vowed to never let it get like that again and it hasn't gotten physical but he still tries to dictate what he will and will not do and the last argument he punched a hole through a door. He still comes to my face yelling and puts his hands in my face. I ignore him and tell him I will not respond till he calms down. We recently had an argument because he was on the computer while he was supposed to do hw, he stays up late every single night doing work because he refuses to do it uninterrupted. Then he gets 2 or 3 hours of sleep and does it all over again day after day. I don't understand why he doesn't see his way isn't working. When I told him to get to it the 80th time he got nasty. He deliberately continued doing what he was doing and ignored me, turned his music up real loud and said "just give up already" over and over. I told him when he was done acting like an infant, I'll come back. I didn't know what else to do. This is part of our aim conversation the day after that.

(4:17:44 PM): but why do you need to be on my back anyway
(4:17:48 PM): why can't I just deal with my own junk
(4:17:49 PM): in my own way
(4:17:53 PM): you're not the one going to school
(4:17:53 PM): I am
(4:17:58 PM): you're not being affected at all by what I am doing
(4:18:03 PM): in the way I do things that have to do with schoolwork
(4:18:17 PM): if you were being affected by it, too, then I'd say it's alright
(4:18:20 PM): but you are not being affected
(4:18:24 PM): you already have your job and your stuff

He has a short fuse, whenever things don't go his way. He is never accountable, everything is everyone else's fault and he has yet to say sorry to me about anything. He acts the same way with his girlfriend but he at least says sorry when they fight. He is respectful to all other adults and authority. He says things like "you know how to push my buttons" "You must like seeing me lash out" "watch what happens" One time I took his ipod away and he called me useless, stupid, meaningless. When he gets mad it's like he's a completely different person. He hates school because it makes him work harder than he wants to. He never says sorry or admits to being wrong about anything. Those things hurt and all of this is breaking my heart. I want to be strong and deal with this.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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