My wonderful grandson has (FINALLY) been diagnosed with ADHD and ODD. My daughter has been attempting to get some help for him since before he entered school. Everyone admitted he was strong willed, and perhaps ADHD. WHen he entered kindergarten, they even tried a drug, but there was no significant change in his behaviour. He will be 10 this summer and is finishing grade 4. He is in the 88th percentile academically, but has difficulty processing verbal instructions. My daughter's husband has suggested they find a foster placement for him because he "is ruining our family". I have convinced them that "He is your family", and although I know he can sometimes make life a living hell for his 6-year old brother, I believe they need to stick it out together.
In his grade 2 year, he had a tremendous turn around in his behaviour which I attribute to a wonderful teacher. His teacher attributed it to his gaining maturity, but by the middle of his grade 3 year, his behaviours were back, and have been getting worse ever since. He is being excluded and teased by other children at school and is unable to maintain friendships because he cannot control behaviours that annoy and anger others.
He also has a really heightened sense of entitlement and persecution. This weekend we taught him to cut the lawn (with close supervision) and said we would pay him to do the front lawn. Right away, he tried to bargain for double the amount. We stuck to our guns, and with each successive amount he came up with we countered with the amount we first offered. He finally agreed to the payment we offered, but then complained bitterly the rest of the day that he worked his butt off for the little bit of money we gave him.
When playing a game with us, it was looking like his grandpa was going to win the game because he had the most money collected. He threw a king sized tantrum, flailing fists and legs, hitting the couch and screaming at the top of his lungs, I never win anything. This went on for several minutes. We endured another similar tantrum the next day when we played a game and things didn't go his way. There were several smaller power struggles/tantrums over the weekend. All the time playing the game he burped and passed gas. Even when we told him the game was over if he repeated the rude behavour he did it again and we followed through. No consequence seems to work so we have had little leverage in changing his behaviour through time out, withdrawing privileges.
My daughter was also a strong willed child and had a very stormy teenage hood, including pregnancy with the little boy I have just discussed, when she was 17. Our youngest grandson doesn't seem to exhibit the same behaviour, although he is starting to holler and fight back when his brother repeatedly pokes at him and says "You suck" over and over to bug him.
My Out-of-Control Child