Online Parent Support Chat

2.6.08

She was charged with "petit larceny"...

I am a 50 yr old mom in Rochester, NY. My husband and I have an appointment with a psychotherapist on June 6th to discuss our 17 yr old daughter. We have 2 daughters - one 15 and one 17. Our 17 yr old, M___, has always been difficult having tantrums as a little one and just difficult to console, but the pediatrician never thought so. She was always afraid of things, so I enrolled her in many different fun children's programs to try and get her out of her shell. Her sister, C___, has the opposite temperament and is quite content most of the time - thank God!

M___ is a Senior, and the last few years have been difficult as she has made some undesirable friends that she has not really wanted to share with us. Our girls were raised going to a Methodist church weekly where I co-teach Sunday school. M___ has not wanted to attend for the last few years, but unbelievably attends the Youth Mission Team for a week away each year.

She has full use of our 10 yr old car, cell phone and state of the art computer at home. She works part-time at a farm market in our town. The part that is upsetting me so much is we cannot seem to control her going out at night and staying out all night. She comes home the following morning. She refuses to tell us where she is going and who she is with. We have always stressed this, but she is extremely defiant. She threatens us that she will keep us up all night if we don't allow this. I have wanted to take the cell phone, car and computer away. My husband does not have a temper or a strong hand and she knows she can get away with this. He is very gentle and really doesn't know how to handle her. I called the police 2 yrs ago when she left our house to meet someone and she was not in her bed at midnite. They just came in to give her some scare treatment, which worked for a while, but now things are worse. I really don't want to get the police involved again.

I have had many sleepness nights and my concentration is not good because all I can think about is this disruptive kid. She swears using the "f" word when she is angry and I feel no peace in my house. I hate to admit it, but I sometimes have a hard time loving her. She says, I don't care about you or your feelings when I say how much I worry. At times, in an angry rage, she says, I wish you would die. Can you believe this talk? You probably can because you specialize in this. I could go on and on. Lately, she has been skipping gym and study hall since she feels they are a waste. There are only 3 more weeks until the end of school and I don't know how the school will handle this. I get a call from school about her absence. I contacted the guidance counselor and he was to talk with her about this. She was always a top achiever and great student until 1/2 way through 11th grade. She is all set to attend the State College at Brockport in September, but that worries me about her actions.

We travel to nice places twice year and we have been fortunate to visit family in Ireland where my husband is directly from. I think she resents that we don't have much family and uses that as an excuse. I only have my dear 88 yr old mother and 63 yr old brother nearby. My brother suffers with bipolar disorder and has for years and lives at DePaul Adult home, so that they can monitor his medications.

She does not even want a graduation party like all her friends are having. Why is my daughter so different?

The worst thing that has caused me so much anxiety is that she did something so low, I cannot begin to express that she did this to our family. She was charged with "petit larceny" for attempting to steal $200.00 worth of bras at our local Kohs. I have been so upset over this. My husband took her to court and we paid an attorney $1,500.00 to get her out of this mess with 16 hrs of community service. She goes to court again on 6/19 to finalize the charge.

I often want to leave and go live somewhere else. She and I are just not good for each other and it saddens me so much.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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