Online Parent Support Chat

7.7.08

17-year-old smoking pot and doing mushrooms...

My son is 17 years old and smoking pot and doing mushrooms all the time, my son's friend told me this and how everyone is distancing themselves from him but not the ones losers that are not going anywhere. The friend Tyler said he would help us in any possible way. Today Chris my son told me that Tyler said that we want to have an intervention and that he will not come home if this is going to happen, this was just said when I say him at the coffee shop. Tyler was telling me everything that is going on with Chris. I am so confused and so upset. He was with a girl from the store and I said to him to come home and not to worry I was not having one. When I was looking at your website and you were saying that this behavior was been building. I sat down and really thought about this and yes you are right. I have a strong willed child and had trouble with him at babysitters where he would not listen to them or the rules. If a parent made a comment he did not like he would be mad at them and pout. If he was having supper with them and they asked him to remove his ball cap he would be made. In grade one the teacher said he would not know when to stop talking he would keep on going and it would get the class going. He likes to make his own rules. This behavior seemed to be dormant in the last years, when he would come home from school and be by himself for an hour I was not having the complaints any more. From time to time I would hear the odd remark about him not listening in sunday school for one of the kids etc. The other night he told me that didn't I know he has been a bad kid all along?

In March, he was acting up out of control and did not want any rules here, that the other kids were doing their own thing and I was not letting him do what he wanted. I told him that this was my house and my rules and if he did not like them he would have to find other living arrangements. He was skipping school, he got kicked out of some of his courses at shop - co-op placement. He moved in with a friend who's parents split up and Brian the friend was telling his om off all the time and this is what Chris started doing to me. At Brian's he ran the street, never called us, out all night and coming in at 11:00 or phoning the mom and telling her he was staying for the night some where else. This bad behavour started back in Sept. he had a girlfriend and it was on again off again and she told him that she was going off to university and that they were the next thing to engaged and he was to wait for her and that they would have this long distance relationship. He would make out a time to see her to go to a movie etc.and at the last minute cancel he found out from her best friend that she had older guys that she was seeing all the time.

When they broke up in March, she told him that he was not her type but that the other girls liked him and that she thought why not but she really likes bad boys instead. He has a real ego problem his friend Alex told me today, that appearance is everything and he now went out and got a tattoo (now he wants to get it removed and redone to something else - skulls and bones) and the other month he was bugged us to buy him a motorcyle we said no so he went and asked my 80 year old aunt for the money. She phoned us and I said don't do it. Alex said he is getting very aggressive with the group of friends that he is throwing a fit if he doesn't get his way. They are all getting to the point that they are sick of it. Chris said to Alex he is not getting the respect that he thinks he should be getting from the group and now he his getting very aggressive with them.

Chris had a friend since grade 2 that in grade 10 beat a kid to death. I would see Chris dressing like this kid acting like this kid. This boy wanted to join the Crips gang and Chris thought this was a great idea and this was in grade 5 this kid would be telling these things at the sleepovers. I was horrified!

When Chris came back home after the March - 5 week stay at Brian's he came back, we had him sign a contract on the rules. He lasted 2 days and he was staying for the night at someone's house on a Sunday night and I said no this is the end of the weekend get at the books. Off he went, I locked the door and left a note on the door that he could come over at talk to his father and I on Saturday when we were both home to discuss this issue. He broke into the house and found I had put out his clothes on the bed with a suitcase. He wrote me a note saying that he was only staying out one night and that he was surprised to see his clothes ready to go and that he was sorry that he was not the boy he was before and that he would be over on Saturday.

The behaviour has not changed, at his work the supervisor is sick of him and his bad attitude he doesn't want to do this, he doesn't want to do that etc. She said he hates all authority. This was a kid that was a good employee always there working for 3 years now. He would be sweeping etc. anything to keep busy. She is going to reduce his hours because of his attitude.

Last week we were going on vacation, Chris has stated he didn't want to come on vacation with us. So we told him he had to stay at friends down the street at Jan's.. They are like family, their son is 1 year older then Chris and has his head on straight. He was yelling and screaming at us and staying it was just like when he was gone. (I think he was referring to when he was locked out the last time for 6 days. I never called looking for him when he was gone for the 6 days, the time at Brian's I was in contact with the mom all the time on what he was doing.) He stormed out of the house and told us he was not going to Jan's he was going some place else and off he went. I phoned the place where he was going to Mark's place and told the Mom that I had a place for him and she was very rude to me. I phoned Jan and said he probably was not going to be coming, 10 mins. later he was talking Jan's saying he would not be over at 8:00 like I had arranged but at 8:30. He lasted 1-1/2 day there. He some how had an extra key we didn't know about and got into our home and took my car. Jan my friend who's house he was at got a call from one of the neighbours about the car gone. She phoned him and told him to get the car back and to get his butt down to her house or she would be phoning the cops and she sat him down. He told her he is a every closed person, then he told her he was doing anything and everything that is out there pot, mushrooms everything. That his Dad doesn't talk to him and that I think everything has to be perfect etc., that he is just DONE. etc and that he could not stay there and be controlled that he needs his freedom and off him went. She called me in the middle of the night I called him and he told me that he was mad because I wouldn't let him stay in is own house then he said the comment like it was like before when he was out. I arrived home last night and told him to come home and we would talk, he said he was too tired to talk this morning I told him that I care about him and that if there is a problem that he showed come to us for help and guidance, he said I heard this all before and I have been talking to Jan.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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