My daughter attacked me last week then walked out for many hours...

My daughter has lived with me since her father and I split up about five years ago. I moved away from the area where her father lives from England to Scotland and this causes logistical problems. Whilst living in Scotland I was married to my second husband who was extremely abusive and I ended up a mess, negative self esteem and self harming. I was level headed before I split up from my first husband. My daughter has witnessed a lot of what happened. I am now in a steady relationship with a good man but who has never had children let alone teenagers. My daughter seems to think that she is now the adult/leader of the pack and does as she pleases (out with friends drinking, lying about where she is staying, etc etc). If I make a stand she threatens or does physical violence so I feel I have no control. My new boyfriend (who doesn't live with us) finds this difficult to watch as he would love to see her being a decent teenager and treating me the way she should but feels he cannot get involved and that the responsibility should lie with her father. Her father has a new family and has never been very supportive where discipline is concerned and has shirked his responsibilities for many years, long before we separated.
My daughter attacked me last week then walked out for many hours. The police had to be called because she was potentially a missing person. I felt I had no option but to give myself a bit of space and send her down to Dad's. I don't want to lose her and I want her back where she belongs but I need to gain control as quickly as possible in order that she grows up to be well rounded, I remain sane and finally, the strain its putting on my new relationship stops.

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