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27.8.08

I have always seen signs that have bothered me about her...

I have a 6 year old daughter that I adopted from China 5 years ago. She is our only child. We know nothing about her except that she was found on the side of a road at 11 days old and sent to an orphanage with no heat and we believe that her hands and feet may have been tied to her crib at times. She could not sit or hold her head up when we got her at 11 months old, but we hired physical therapists and she is now a star in almost every sport she plays at her level. We thought the physical stuff would be our only challenge, but we were wrong.
She was always strong willed as only the strongest survive in the orphanages. She is very intelligent, in school, but more about people. In PreK and Kindergarten she got straight A's and the teachers told me she was a leader and would do well anywhere she went.
But I have always seen signs that have bothered me about her such as continually hitting my father when she was age 2-4. I thought it was a phase and did discipline her. When we would go to my parents' house, I would give her a lecture before we would arrive, telling her to be nice to her grandfather. She would go in their house, give him a hug and a kiss and turn to me and say, "are you happy now that I am being nice to your father?"
As she has gotten older, people have decided that it is cute because she is very small in size and she is tough, physically and mentally (and she is). She doesn't fear anyone in the playground even if they have 2 feet on her and defends herself and her friends if need be. She was never real warm and fuzzy toward people other than close family and I thought that maybe she is just that type of person.
Lately, there have been a few instances where she is arguing with adults or ignoring those that ask her questions, telling others on her teams what to do (using physical force if she feels she has to or yelling at the kids for doing something wrong). Everyone thinks she is just really competitive, but I am very troubled. Twice now, when I have asked her to stop doing something at the baseball field, she has picked up objects (one a ball and the other a rock) and threw them at other children. Thank God she missed in both instances. I did punish her for both things, threatening to take away sports, tv, etc. When I punish her, she seems more concerned with the punishment and how long it will be than feeling bad about hurting someone. She cries and tells me she won't do it and that she loves me, but she does it again anyway. Her lack of a "kind heart" toward others bothers me as I am the opposite of this - I will bend over backwards for others. I tried the approach of being extremely calm and telling her I wanted to help her through this. I asked her what she was thinking about when she aimed the rock at her teammate's face. She says she doesn't know.
I am thinking about therapy, but I don't even know what is wrong with her.

My Out-of-Control Child

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