Online Parent Support Chat

5.8.08

She is going to cause someone real damage and end up in the judicial system...

I am a very desperate parent of a female "tween" (aged 12yrs 6 months), living in Blackpool (a seaside town in the North West), England. I have previously lived in London where my daughter was born and we moved to Blackpool, my home town, 2 years ago.

My daughter has always been "difficult" and at the age of 7, saw a psychiatrist in London who thought she had ADHD. Her father, who does not even agree that ADHD exists, walked out and therefore my daughter was left untreated. At the same age, the teachers at her primary school noted that she was of above average intelligence and at the age of 8 was doing the work of 11 year olds. Unfortunately, because of the education system here in England, my daughter was not allowed to start secondary school (age 11) early because due to the law, they are not allowed to, which has caused endless problems with my daughter and schooling. She is now at secondary school and again is achieving results of a student 3 years ahead and whilst they are trying to give her work to challenge her, there is only so much they can do.

Her behaviour is now at a point where it is totally unacceptable. She has violent rages where she will completely trash her bedroom, smashing everything that is breakable and making dents in walls and doors. On 2 occasions she has physically hit me. She refuses to do anything that is asked and has "attitude" all the time. She has been seeing a psychologist for this for the last 8 months and if anything, her behaviour has become worse rather than better. She is a highly intelligent person, she also thinks in colours which I believe is called synesthesia. There is also the question of a diagnosis of Asperger's which she is in the process of doing tests for but I am pretty sure she actually does suffer from this; she is very clumsy, she acts inappropriate when meeting people, she obsesses and is anxious about everything and is obsessed with everything being on time and will "flip" if it isn't.

The family dynamics are that her father left before she was born and the first time Alicia (my daughter) saw her father for the first time at the age of 4 and has had regular contact (every weekend) until the age of 10 when we moved to Blackpool. However, she has never had a particularly good relationship with her father although she does with his long-term partner and the twin boys (aged 2) that they have. The twins are diagnosed with borderline autism and are slow learners. The relationship between my husband of 2 years has been turbulent as he was an alcoholic, however he is now in recovery (11 months).

I am at my wits end with her and don't know what else to do. All the psychologist will keep telling me is that she will get worse before she gets better and she will be a problem for a few years yet - i'm not sure how worse it could get other than her actually killing me! I must also add that I am disabled with a spine disease and therefore unable to walk properly.

I can't defend myself when she hits me as she is the same height and build as me 5ft 8 inches tall and medium build (american size 12).

I am so desperate now that I can't even contemplate another 2 weeks of this, let alone 2 years and I am really worried that one day, she is going to cause someone real damage and end up in the judicial system.


My Out-of-Control Teen

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