Online Parent Support Chat

9.9.08

Nothing has helped her or us...

I am seperated 11 years. Married after 3 years by myself with my two children, then age 3 and 1. My daughter has always been hard work, very confident and yet sensitive. She has taken the seperation hard all these years and not really accepted my husband. She worships the ground her Father walks on and for years I encouraged them both to see him regularly. Over the years my daughter has become violent and head strong. Jealous of her brother and evil with her words against him. I won't go into the details of what she says as it is too awful to write down. My son has been affected by this a great deal.
Over the past 6 months my daughter has become worse. Hurting me and actually drawing blood on a couple of occasions. She has lost her close relationship wth her Father which has in turn made her behaviour worsen over the past month. He said he doestn't want to see her unless she is good....she is a teenager not a dog! This has hurt her deeply.
I just learned today on her refusal to go to school that she has been self harming and she putting this down to the arguments that we have and her hatred of me. I am worried sick and in the UK there just isn't the support for parents who care about their children. Unless your child acts this way in school or in a public place or is in the hands of social care there just isn't any help. I have informed the school on her refusal to go in and they are going to call me back regarding this but other than that I have no one else to turn to.
I do blame myself for a lot of the behaviour as I do not ask anything of my children other than they keep their rooms tidy, are good in school and do their homework when asked. Everyday there is an issue with my daughter. One thing or another. Her room is always a mess unless I do it, although she did do it the other day and I praised her up for that as I was so happy she had done it. I support her in everything she does, school, concerts, friends sleepovers etc. We run around for her so she is safe and we know where she is but we also give her the independence that she needs by letting her take public transport to some of the places she wants to go to and all I ask in return is a call to say she is safe. My daughter says I am too controlling. I don't let her drink or smoke, all the usual things that get thrown at parents. I totally understand her thinking but I don't understand why she hates me this way.
The atmosphere in the house is so bad and so sad and not a happy place at all and I love my children so very much. I really only wanted to have a happy family life, nothing more and I have tried so hard to support and nurture them but it is backfiring on me and it hurts so much. I don't know what to do to help my daughter. We have been to councelling on several occasions and also participated in 'journey' work. Nothing has helped her or us.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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