My 16 year old daughter behaves badly. She just has no regard for the rules and boundaries that we have set for her. It's school holidays in Australia and she is out everyday. I told her that I had no issue with her going out and enjoying her holidays but in return I ask her to let me know when she goes out and when we should expect her back. She walks out whenever she feels like without telling us and comes home very late at night usually after 1 am. She often asks me for money and I usually say that I'm happy to give her some but I ask for her to be considerate and inform us of her comings and goings as well as completing her chores before she goes. She then usually just walks out without getting any money. I've told her that I refuse to reward her for bad behaviour. We don't get the profanity as much only because she doesn't talk to any of us much anymore.
It was my birthday a couple of days ago and she didn't come home for that. I called her and told her that I would really like her to come home for a family dinner which my son had cooked and she said that she was out with her friends and won't be coming back for it. I told her that I felt very hurt by that and thought that she would make an effort because it was my birthday and was told to "get over it".
This afternoon I saw her throw a cigarette butt in the garden. I've told her many times that there is to be no smoking on our property but she has no regard for that rule either. She told me point blank, I'm going to keep doing it and you can't do a thing about it. I told her that she had to pick the butt up before she goes out, which of course she didn't do.
Grounding doesn't work. She scoffs at it and has never completed it. In fact she laughs and sometimes says, why don't you ground me again. The sitting down together for dinner doesn't happen but my husband, son and I still do it.
I refuse to give up on her. I feel that she now behaves and talks badly to us because it's become a habit. I've heard her talk to her friends on the phone and she is her usual self. We can't figure out why she is so hostile towards us. I told her the other day that if we were a dysfunctional family or something traumatic had happened, then we could understand the acting out and bad behaviour, but in this case, nothing has happened and for the last 2 years, our lives have been hell because of her. Her 19 year old brother has lost all respect for her. He is the total opposite of her, has a heart of gold and is very caring and considerate.
My Out-of-Control Daughter