Online Parent Support Chat

11.10.08

Son is severely over-indulged...

I want to raise my children to have them go out in the world with confidence and my husband wants to control everything they do.

My husband is angry at his immediate family and has decided that instead of dealing with the feelings, will stay away and have nothing to do with his siblings. They are mean spirited and I can see that he feels powerless and vulnerable, therefore he has written them off. My son is a great kid. He is a good person and well liked but has always been very difficult.

After reading the quiz questions, I can see that he is severely over-indulged. My husband is a micro-manager (above us all) and we (mostly my son and myself) have spent years trying to live with my husband.(therapy etc..). My daughter (11) has taken on the role of peacemaker and that concerns me as well.

The worst thing my son has ever done is cut a class (admittedly) yesterday, with the excuse that he had not done the work and would have failed a presentation that he had not prepared for. (He lies about having done his work). I have been told to "always believe him when asked about his work" by a therapist who I do respect. (In this case, we differ in opinion). He believes that if you don't trust the child, it will create an untrustworthy person). I'm not sure what to make of this and feel confused. My fear is that once this sense of entitlement personality has developed, is it too late to change?

My husband is in too much pain to let my son fail, and I have seen and tried to fight this for my whole marriage. I believe that my husband needs to go to therapy and try to see what his "well meaning" parenting is creating. He was raised by a holocost surviver (child) and a father who is in total denial (He'll see what he wants only). I'm not sure if I want to continue this marriage because no matter how much I do to try to create a self-sufficient child, I get undermined by my husband. I'm scared.

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