Online Parent Support Chat

23.11.08

I am really OVER INDULGENT in all of this...

We are a family of 4....Me, my wife,a son Dave (17) and a daughter Renée (15).

I am the bad guy.....demanding stuff and trying to keep them in check. My wife, well, she is the loving mother.....if I find things that could improve in my kids, she would always say things like....there only kids....he is just a teenager....it is just a phase....they will grow out of ot...etcè It makes my relation with my wife with a lot of tension lately because we come from 2 different family.....mine was with the strap and very stricked...and her everything was ok. Now, she would tell me that '' look, I didnt turn bad and we were raised different then you''. Well, I agree. If I am pissed off at something thaT MY SON DOES OR DID, SHE WOULD ALWAYS TRY TO DIMINISH IT....TO THE POINT THAT If I took action, she seemed desapointed that I try to give a consequence to our kids. We don't see eye to eye on how to raise them...it's hard for me to accept this...and it is driving us apart.We have been together for 29 years and married for 19.

Tks for hosting this site and thinking about us parents who seem to have lost control of our teen to the point where there is almost hate between him and I. Yep, I can't stand him and he can't stand me. It has been going on for a long time....since he was about 10...doing all kinds of things for him, being there for him even if he was desapointing me. Yes, I am sure I was wrong in many aspect. He now turns 17 this month and couldnt care less what he does....I think that when he will leave things could settle down a little in our house. He always talks back, always thinks I am fulll of it, he thinks he's the smatrtest of the family,won't EVER say he was wrong even with his friends. Now, don't get me wrong, he is not a bad kid....no drugs ( Yet ), maybe has a beer with his friends once in a while, but I don't think he is a very bad kid. But, he wants to rule in the family almost to the point where he is trying to raise us all.....really....umbearable. I did struggle physically with him before...a few smacks behind the head....but now, he is as tall then me ( 6'2"") and has been doing martial arts for 5 years now. He could kick the s***t out of me now if he wanted....but he never hit me before....even if he really wanted to before.

I will just tell you 1 thing that happenned this week and you will kind of understand how pissed off I am at my son and my Wife.

Dave my son, doesnt study very hard this year. He just received his report card and does not have good grades. We have been telling him to concentrate on his last year of high school so he can go to college. He is smart and would like to go in science. Well, not with those grades. So, he never talkes to me because he doent really have his way with me.....so, I overheard a conversation with his mom and I heard that the grades were just passing....57% in Math...when i went into the kitchen, I said my 2 cents that this was unacceptable and that it showes that he does really study. He started to say that he now realise it and that it is gona change...it scared him a bit to have those grades.....even my wife was desapointed.....so, having a boiling caracter, I told him that because he does not study or take this seriously that he would miss his martial art class for a month......well, hell broke loose....told me why, told me it is gona change, told me that this was stupid, told me that I was wrong in doing this....hitting walls, being pissed off....even my wife was almost on this with me. She went to his room to calm him down because he was crying litterally ( 17 ) saying to his mom that martial arts is his life and so on....now, they were talking loud. Anyway, my wife comes out of the room and the first thing she says to me is......you don't know how to talk to your son.......well, I looked at her straight in the eyes and said to her.....I dont want to hear this from you again, he is not nice with me, you take care of him.....

I was really upset at my wife...she didnt think all nof this would change things if we give him a consequence.....well, she went back into hyis room and they talked softly for about 30 min.

I talked to my wife the next day and asked her what happenned in there ....she told me that he realises that he has to put in more efforts....I said ok and then I said ...so what about his martial art.......she then said, well, we talked about it and we cam to an understanding that he would continue it thill Christamas and then we would see. I said what.....you over road my or our decision without consulting me....I was very pissed off....I havent taled to my wife in 4 days now....feeling completly put aside of my son's life now. Of course, you can see that he can do whatever he wants with his mom.....I am tired of this.....everytime there is a disagreement with my wife, it is betwen my son and I...she is tired of this and so am I.....I feel that our marriage is in jeoperdy here because of all of this.

Your help is needed in all of this and this is why I have purchased your program. Now, I really want to step away because I am really OVER INDULGENT in all of this....and so is my wife I am sure. Now , she doesnt know that I just bought your program.....to tell you the thruth, I don't know how it could work if I am the only one doing it......now, to tell her is out of the question. I am at the silent treatment stage with her and it does not bother me that much....but it is driving a wedge between us.....she thinks I am always wrong in dealing with my son cause we don't see eye to eye and she will always side with him. He can manipulate her...she has a very very big heart....

My Out-of-Control Teen

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