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17.11.08

I was called a fucking c**t ...

I am writing to you in desperation, sitting at my desk at work, not able to concentrate on anything but thoughts of my daughter H___ flying round in my head.

The weekend just gone has to be the worst on record, a typical scenario:

H___ has stayed over at Josie's on Friday night with permission, not a problem. However it was agreed during the week that we would spend Saturday and also Saturday evening together. I waited in all day Saturday and there was no sign of H___! I tried to call her mobile and it was on voice mail. She turned up later that evening at about 19:30hrs with Josie and only because she had popped into my mothers prior to arriving at mine and told my mother she would be staying at Josie's and my mother replied by saying that she needed to ask my permission and come and see me.

However when she arrived at my home, I WAS TOLD she is staying at Josie's to which I replied it would be nice to ask my permission. She replied I don't need to ask you anything etc .. I can do what I want. I pushed out of my own front door and locked out! When I eventually got back in my home I asked Josie to leave politely and said that H___ would not be staying over because of her rudeness. Josie left. I then told H___ she would be staying with me and she tried to leave, so I stopped her so she picked up the dog lead and started hitting me with it so we ended up having pretty much a brawl in the hallway.

I was called a fucking c**t, and a prostitute and told by H___ that because I have f**ked up my own life I am trying to control hers. This went on for hours and I tried to switch of and not react but she was relentless then trying to climb out of the window. I began to get very frighted as she was out of control and I called the Police. After all of this the Police leaving etc she put on her PJs and went to bed.

She woke yesterday morning ready for round 2! Saying she was going to Josie's that I am not her parent and she can do what she wants.

My sister arrived drove her to Josie's to collect her stuff and took her back to my mothers, who lives next door.

After splitting up with my partner I moved back to my mothers where myself and H___ lived. I left after approx 5 yrs ago but H___ has never settled in the flat as she prefers my mothers house (she has a double room etc and can get away with what she wants, and my mother feels its like a competition to win H___ over). How can I get to grips with H___ when she is permanently at my mothers! My mother has had enough of her rudeness also and after years of rowing between my mother and I over H___ we are now beginning to stand together. I am a single parent, working as a construction manager in a male dominated industry and currently undertaking a degree, struggling to pay the bills. I have sacrificed alot for H___ and given her absolutely everything I now realise this was wrong. I wanted her to grow up with family around her not with just me to stimulate her and now I feel that it has all bitten me in the backside.

H___ is now at my mothers thinking that it is another battle won and she has got away with her behaviour this weekend and will hang in there until she falls out with my mum and then will seek cover in my house with me. I bought you ebook last night and read over it. For the 1st weeks assignment I can do this but how do I deal with what has happened this weekend do I just let it go? At the moment I physically cannot, I can't even bring myself to look at her even though I love her so much and wonder how has all this happened, what did I do so wrong.

It is her 13th birthday next Saturday I don't even feel like buying her a present and normally I would be in debt just to give her everything she wants although she is not grateful for anything and is quite rude to other members of the family if she feels it is a 'cheap' present. She will never write anyone a card for their birthday and wont even wrap a present, she does not chores. My mother runs round her and then she expects me to do the same and I do as I want to make her happy (which sounds pathetic as I am not helping her to be independant).

What do I do now. She is in my mothers how do I deal with her discipline. What should I do about her birthday? I don't think I should launch straight into the 1st set of assignments and let this go as it is too big an issue to have Police round my flat.

H___ is fine in school, she has never been in any trouble, I know in comparison I should be grateful but if I don't sort this now it could lead to something worse. I feel like I have failed big time as a parent when all I ever wanted was to be a good parent and work and be a good role model I guess i'm trying to be the super mom.

Please help I should be out on site as we are handing over the building and I can't think about anything I feel TOTALLY DEPRESSED.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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