Online Parent Support Chat

9.11.08

Teenage boy has been brain washed by father...

My sister is in a desperate situation, is this book any help for a mum with a teenage boy of 15 who has been brain washed by his father nearly all his life, he has been told time and time again that his mother doesnt love or care for him, finally after many years of physical and mental abuse she has found the courage to divorce her husband, only to now feel she has lost her eldest son forever. He is filled with hate and anger and seems to blame his mother for everything, he bully's her and has no respect for her at all. His father wants him to go and live with him but my sister fears the worse as he will be left to just do as he pleases as his father works long hours and what time he is not working he is in the pub. His father encourages his bad behaviour and treats him like an adult rather than a child, he hardly goes to school and when he does he doesnt do anything. Recently he's argued with my sister causing damage to the home and leaving my sister devastated, he has gone to stay with his dad and she feels she's lost him forever and doesnt no how to approach him as he's not made any contact with her. Can you please help, can you please, please not make this a money making scheme we are desperate and this is peoples lives in your hand, she doesnt have much money as she is now a single not working parent struggling to make ends meet and feed her other two sons and still being kept within her husbands control and constant threats. If your program is for the less extreme situations then fair enough but i don't want to give my sister anymore disappointments i don't think she could cope with it and it could push her over the edge.

My Out-of-Control Teen

1 comment:

Fae said...

I am in the same situation as your sister. I was surprised to hear that someone else might know the hell I deal with every day. Fortunately, I am surrounded by friends and family who offer great advice. The first thing they tell me is to have absolutely zero contact with my ex. He has proven time and again that he only wants to pick my brain in order to twist it and use it against me with my son. I am also told to develop an upbeat, friendly relationship with my son so that he enjoys our time together. It may be the only normal and happy time he knows. We are not to talk about his dad at all. This is hard to do because I want him to see his dad for what he really is. I think he is figuring it out on his own and will one day have to come to terms with it. It just takes time and maybe that is the healthier way for him to cope with this. In the meantime, I struggle with not giving in to my own fears and worries. It is very hard but proves to be the best for my son and for me when I am successful at it. Tell your sister to have some faith in her son. If he is like my son, he will see the truth in time. He needs her unconditional love right now. The hard thing is that you can only help them when they let you. This means learning to stand by and watch them struggle and fail. I do well some of the time and fail miserably others. When I fail, I apologize to my son and tell him that I love him and that I'm trying. So far he has responded positively and we continue to maintain a relationship even though his father continues to sabotage it. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and at times it almost sinks me. Your sister is luck to have you to talk to. Sometimes she probably feels so alone and afraid to talk to friends and family for fear of their judgement and rejection of her or her son. She wants you to love her and her son. It sounds like you are doing a great job being there for her. I know my friends and family make all the difference to me. Sometimes I just need to hear that "I'm" not the crazy one. Tell your sister to hang in there and keep the faith. In TIME her son will come to see the truth if she will remain strong and positive for him.