We are the indulgent parents big time. Today I am sad and angry. I am always afraid the punishment won't fit the crime.
Our boy who is 16 got his license. We don't help with a car until 17. We moved out into the country and although it isn't neccessary he got his license at 16. The deal was that he would pay the insurance difference of driving our vechicle. Also that his grades had to be a C average to be able to have the truck for the weekends and going to work.
He had a job all summer working full time. He basically blew most of the money on stuff. That was okay with me as a learning lesson. He works on and off now because it is seasonal.
Right away he starts getting all D and F's. Granted he has an IEP at school and struggles. WE don't think he puts in any effort though at home. No homework or studying to be seen. We even turned off our tv, except for basic channels. Limit the computer also. We talked to his school and they said he is capable of a C average. So that is what we said he needed to uphold. I have to say that my husband has given in to him with the truck, which makes it frusterating.
Today, in a nice manner I told him if he wanted to go out tonight that he would have to clean up his room. Closet and all. It is always a disaster with clothes etc. This is the only thing he has to do, maybe once a week. He won't do chores much, except for mowing and snowblowing, outside stuff etc.
He asked if he could have the truck. I said no. Haven't seen his grades and that we go off of two week progress reports. Otherwise he says I have all C's, every couple of days. I want to see consistancy. He seemed okay with it.
Next thing I know, he is gone. Not with the truck, but with his older brothers car. I call him on his cell phone and he is as calm as can be. He said he was running errands for his brother. To me it doesn't matter. He left without notice, took his brothers car and acts as if it is no big deal. I told him to come home. That we would talk and he would have consequences.
I want to follow through. My husband wants me to write everything up that I think we should do. The thing is, he will blame me later if it doesn't work. Because I am too strict or he just let him do what he wants anyway. In the mean time I have a husband that is pissed and angry at his kids all the time. All he says is that "I'm not doing shit for them". But never follows through. He doesn't want conflict. He avoids his kids, he is pissed, they are pissed and defiant.
I am probably to blame, somewhere in the picture.
What do we do? We already took the car away and he just takes one. I say, we don't allow him to drive our cars until he is 17 and can pay for one himself next summer. No matter how much we are inconvienced. I say, we don't take him where he wants to go on a whim. Or take him to his job. He screwed up, so why should we be at his beck and call. My husband says we should still take him to work etc. Yet, he hates doing it, etc. I am at a loss. HELP!
My Out-of-Control Teen