Online Parent Support Chat

28.11.08

We are thinking of putting her into boarding school...

We are parents of a beautiful 13 year old girl we adopted when she was 5 years old. She has been with us for two years prior to the adoption in foster care (since she was almost three).

We have climbed many mountains and I, especially have cried rivers because of various behavioral problems she has. I'm positive that we can somehow overcome all these terrible obstacles we have to face but we do need some assistance and help. We have prayed about her problems, talked to her, begged, disciplined, tried sending her to her room, taking away privileges and nothing seemed to have really worked. First the doctors diagnosed her with ADHD and after about two years of Nerotherapy, Ritalin, special diets etc., the young lady doing the nerotheraphy with our daughter suggested that we should look into the symptoms of AD and see if our daughter does not maybe rather fit in with those symptoms than having ADHD. We feel that it is much more spot on than any other diagnoses doctors have made and after she has spend about a year and a half with a psychiatrist having a hour session each week, we are still in the situation where we feel like pulling out our hair due to desperation and worry about her and the future.

She recently stole about R500.00 from my mother-in-law visiting us and tried do spend it at school and even gave it away to all that she came accross trying to get rid of the money before coming home. After that there were more incidents but not as big and from us rather than someone else.

The Psyciatrist suggested we take her to the police station and arrange for one of the constables to just lock her up a short while in order for her to see what consiquences her actions can have. It helped in a way although she stole money again on occations after that and once admitted after a short sermon from me that she took it but could not get rid of all of it. She's manipulative and wants everything her way. She will scream at us when we try to discipline her (almost like she is our parent and needs to teach us the lesson) She does not show remorse and even after punishment will do the same thing again.

We read an article where the adoption parents annulled the adoption and sent their daughter to a security home where they'd visit their daughter on week-ends and take her home on holidays only but that is not an option at all. Our daughter was nog given to us to give back to a system that will only break her even further. We know that she had a lot of hurt before coming to stay with us but we feel we just need some advice on how to help her overcome the bitterness and hatered she has unconsciously and have a real nice life with people that loves her to bits.

She's very intelligent but her school reports showns different. She does not want to study but due to us having our own business and both of us working full day, we can not spend the time needed with her to do homework. We try as many times as possible to fetch her from school and help her but then she tends to do the helplessness act and we end up doing it for her which is also wrong. We had to get my mother-in-law to come and stay with us to help out but it seems they (our daughter and my mother-in-law) are even more fire and oil than anything else.

If she passes, she'll be going to high-school next year (grade 8) and we are thinking of putting her into boarding school.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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