Online Parent Support Chat

2.12.08

Problems with young adults living at home...

I am the parent of a 23 year old boy who still lives at home with us, i.e. with me, my husband, who is the boy's stepfather and my 21 year old daughter, his sister.

We have had endless problems with this boy over the years and he has been a trial since the very day he was born in fact. A quick background on him: he is intelligent, was sporty but gave it up, now plays in heavy rock bands, smokes and drinks to excess at times.

Hi room is a pig sty, he abuses our property when we are not around, and amongst many other things, speaks terribly to his sister .

Overall, my son is a good kid, I know that, but he has stolen from us in the past and I believe still does and he has a total disregard of looking after our property and adhering to my rules of keeping his room clean. I don't have a real problem if he wants to live in the mess, but our dishes are left in there and the smell emanating from his room drifts into our dining room which you walk through to the rest of the house. He also leaves his cigarette buts overflowing in the container I bought for him next to the couch on the verandah where he smokes, even though this area is used by others too and I have asked him on countless occasions to empty it, which he then does, but then leaves the garbage bag on the floor.

I'd love to throw him out but he has finally settled into study doing a University degree and we feel we'd like to support him in this. He talks about leaving home next year, but I can't see it happening as he spends a lot of the money he earns, drives a car etc.

What I am writing to you for, is I searched the internet on "problems with young adults living at home" and your website selling your book came up. I am wondering if your book is aimed more at younger children, adolescents in fact, not 23 year olds. Would this book help me? (I say me as the problems with him have always ended up at my feet. Others try, but give up quickly and it falls back on me again.) Over the years, there have been counselling sessions and earlier this year he was under an organisation as he was suffering depression and anorexia and found help for this himself. He is a lot better now and has told me that they taught him some strategies for dealing with his anger. He has always been very clever though when dealing with any health professionals and school counsellors.

My Out-of-Control Adult Child

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