Online Parent Support Chat

14.12.08

Should we allow him the privilege to earn the use of the car...

Hi,

I recently joined your program on line. This is the first time in several years that I think I have found a possible solution to correct mine and my sons behavior. I realize that I have made mistakes in over indulging my son. He is 17 and seems to be completely out of control.

My son, myself and my husband(my sons step father) live with my parents, so my parents have helped co parent my son since he was four (my sons father died when he was four). In September my father decided he could use my mothers car as long as he maintained a certain grade average. From day one he did not even try. Over the past few months my son has failed two classes, been suspended from school for showing up high, has skipped classes and has been getting worse. Last week, before I came across your web site my father and I took away the car privileges and when my son refused to take out the garbage we took away his cell phone. for two days he refused to go to school until he got the car back, when I said tell me if you are dropping out or not because I need to sign papers at the school, he decided he wanted to go back.

My father went away for a few days this week, and I went away over night. I came home to find out that my mother let him take the car and her cell phone to go out with friends. She tells me that he is very remorseful and did a bunch of chores for her and felt that he could use the car for this weekend, however when his grandfather gets home he could not. I spoke with her at length about interfering in his consequences, she however is a very weak person.

My question to you is now that we have taken away all that is important to my son, should we allow him the privilege to earn the use of the car or do we stick by what we first said which is you will never have access to the car again. Also, what happens when my son refuses to do anything, which he has done in the past. I will tell you however that today for the first time in along time, he helped me unload packages from my car and cleaned up a mess without any back talk. I do know however as I start putting some chores into effect I am going to receive some resistance because he rarely shows up at the house, he goes right to a friends house after school. I would like this to stop, hopefully with the chores that I put in place.

Sorry this is so long, but this has been going on for a long time.

Thank you for this website and your help.

Online Parent Support

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