Online Parent Support Chat

30.3.08

He is very disrespectful...

My name is Patty and I have been reading the information on your website about out of control teens. This is the second time I read it and well it's sounds promising. But let me tell you a bit of my situation with my son.

His name is Carlos and he just turned 13 today...He is very disrespectful in the sense that he does not do what he is told, he lies, about everything even when I catch him in his lies he still lies! We live with my fiance there are 5 of us; my two older boys including Carlos and my middle child Alex are not my fiance's sons just the little one we have together. Anyhow, Louis (fiance) talks to him about his attitude,tries to make him understand that he needs to change his behavior and attitude. He has been so patient with Carlos but my son is getting worse. He is defiant, liar, he mistreats Alex verbally and physically all the time. He has gone as far as acuse me of abusing him physically.

I was under investigation with children services. I was drug tested both of us...It has just been overwhelming. They didn't find anything kind of abuse here at our home so the case was closed. The social worker found out that it was all Carlos doing this. I am sorry my e-mail is so long but I am at that point. He is always telling me he doesn't want to live here because we are too strict especially when it comes to his education.he wants to run around free like most teens nowadays and I have told him that's not happening. He is rebellious and always finds a way to do whatever he pleases. Talks back to us. Plain and simple has no kind of respect for authority and thinks he knows everything.

Can you seriously recommend that your ebook will help me straighten out my son, frankly I don't know what to do. I don't want my son to grow up a loser, jailbird, or even dead..I am home motivating him to keep learning in school it's important for his future as well as be a decent person and learn respect so that he will be respected and not be looked down to...

Mr. Hutten I would really appreciate a response, and like it says in your e-mail $29 is really nothing compared to what discipline schools, therapy, boot camp, etc. can do. By the way I have tried boot camp and therapy (counseling) very very disappointed...the system well what can I say about is disappointing.

Patricia

My Out-of-Control Teen

26.3.08

Seems teenagers and divorce is its own beast...

Have 2 teenage sons and going through divorce. Boys are very smart, but now getting failing grades in school. Disney Dad disagrees about consequences/privileges, etc. and I’m at a loss here. Last night 15 y/o took off to dad’s house angry, still there and apparently not coming back any time soon. He’s on spring break and was furious that he couldn’t spend most of it hanging w/friends even though his grades suck. Dad is taking him on a trip in a few days, and now that he’s over there...well, he’ll get lots more privileges of all kinds that he’d get w/me.

God it hurts!

Seems teenagers and divorce is its own beast.

My Out-of-Control Teens

I have given him too much and have made his life easy...

I need to get to work on my son. He will be 19 next month. I am a single Mom who adopted Alan when I was 39. He was just 6 days old. He was such a special gift for me so being older and more established, I have been in a position to over indulge. I know there is hope. He is a great son, I have not ever worried about his company and he does not drink or partake in drugs. My big worry is his laziness and irresponsibility. I have given him too much and have made his life easy, but I am one who generally tries to avoid conflict. He now has a girl friend, his first. She has just turned 16, and as I said he will soon be 19. We are in Columbus, Ohio....and the laws are what they are. He is a very sensitive young man, and has had low self esteem do to school bullies, so the interest offered by this girl, who is a user, means a lot to him. I know she wants to have sex, and see what she can get from Alan and I need advice on how to handle it, because I do not want Alan to be alienated or sneak off, because I do not know the proper way to handle this puppy love situation. It has only been 3 weeks now, but I can tell that he is getting attached. What can I do?

My Out-of-Control Teen

24.3.08

I feel like I need to be extra concerned...

Hello, I'm not sure I am having as much trouble as described on your web page but I feel like I need to be extra concerned about some my of sons behavior. He is 16 and has pretty much seemed to have felt like he needed a girlfriend in his life or he was empty. Since he was in kindergarten he has had girlfriends. All of them have been short term. As far as I know the most he has done is "made out" probably some "heavy petting". We have been homeschooling him since the 6th grade. He has a very active social life with ballroom dance and being with him friends. We are not as close as we were when he was younger but still we talk about everything. Sometimes more than this mother thinks she wants to hear. My question, does your e book talk about respect and relationships and moral issues? I need some outside (of family) reinforcements I suppose.

Have you guessed that he is my only child (I have three much older step children that my husband & I raised ) I had him late in life and he was a miracle pregnancy, I'm sensing Empty Nest Syndrome coming on... :(

My Out-of-Control Teen

23.3.08

He has shot beer bottles in his room with a BB gun...

He has thrown things around the house while in a rage. He has shot beer bottles in his room with a BB gun, which caused me to remove all of them. Now, to get back at me, he has stuck hammers, chisels and knives in the bedroom wall. I am going to expect him to do the repairs.

His plans are (at least for now) Marines ROTC. His grades are good. The last couple of weeks have been hell; but we had this problem start up a couple of years ago. We knew the problem people he was getting weed from so a good friend of ours home-schooled him until this January when he returned, albeit doing much better. We thought "yes..we have our son back!"

Then he got lonely since all but 1 or 2 of his old friends were the old drug crowd. I suspect he has resumed some weed but am not sure. I could do a CVS drug test tonight. He has spent all weekend with our pastor (young, about 21 years old) who he relates well with while my wife and my two girls are in NY at the in-laws. They will be returning tonight.

The marine recruiter invited him there to work out with the candidates weekly and in act daily to do various things. He cannot do paid-for work anywhere until he turns 16.That occurs April 29. Plus, being a CPA I have to work crazy hours. Its hard to thing that only several weeks ago he would not watch a new movie/DVD until I got home. He wanted to spend time with me. Then the party denial incident and I'm am the bad guy.

Oh well, sorry for going on so long but that's whats happening here in MA. From what I have read so far your book is right on the money, i.e. feeling lonely, us getting depressed and feeling like failures, looking at military schools as options (OMG are they expensive).

Just another work day for me but he is getting dropped off here around 12;30PM EST and we'll probably head home unless he wants to go out and eat somewhere with me. We'll see.

22.3.08

This is NOT normal teen behavior...

Good evening, Mark:

Ashley has violated probation four out of the last five days.

Monday-she was late for school and missed first and second block.

Wednesday-she overslept and missed first and second block again

Wednesday night-I went to church, Gregg came to chaperone. Ashley said to Gregg at 7:45 she was going to church with her boyfriend. This is very out of character as she has only gone to church once in four years!! I do not believe that she would be the only ANGLO sitting in a SPanish church either!!! She came home at 10:45. Said she went to church with her boyfriend and then they went to Macaroni Grill. She came in with her make-up all smeared and her hair all disheveled. She is on probation adn not allowed to go to dinner with boyfriend, especially at 10:00 at night!! She did not answer her phone, nor did her boyfriend.

Today (Friday)- she did not have school. She told me last night that she was going to do some community service this morning at the Humane Society. She slept until 2:00 this afternoon. I tried to awaken her several times starting at 11:30 A.M. as I told her the security alarm serviceman was coming to repair that alarm system that she and her brother had distroyed. He came at 2:00 and he had been in all rooms but hers. She went ballistic because I wanted her out of her room so that he could get in there to check the window. She was cursing and screaming at me in front of the serviceman and slamming doors. I GAVE HER HOURS NOTICE!!! Then the serviceman used her bathroom to urinate. We were both unaware of this. She went CRAZY as he left the seat up and dripped urine on the rim of the her commode. She was yelling about it in his presence and cursing. When he left, she was calling me an f--ing idiot and told me to clean the seat. She and I were arguing the whole time.

She did not come home tonight. She called her Dad screaming about me asked to stay with him and then called her Dad and she is staying with her boyfriend. Evidently Gregg was fine with this. This is a violation of probabation. He is 21 and contributing to her delinquency as are his parents if she is actually staying at his/their house.

For some reason, she thinks she can do as she pleases, even when she is on probation, that there are no rules and parameters and if there are, she is above them. That is why we are where we are.

This is NOT normal teen behavior. No person should go off the deep end because a serviceman wants to get in her room and used her lav!!!

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Hi Debbie,

Can I suggest you report all of this directly to her PO. Probation Officers love parents who help them supervise their clients.

It may take a while for your daughter to realize that she is standing on a higher level of accountability.

I'm glad you have assistance from probation. However, bear in mind that the wheels of justice turn slowly. Thus, consequences may not come as quickly as you would like.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

17.3.08

Is there hope in your book for us?

I was online doing some research when I stumbled across your page for your book.

I am divorce/remarried. I have a 10 year old and a 16 year old who will be 17 on the 25th of this month. Both are boys. My ex-husband and I were married for 17 years. We had a very bumpy marriage. He is in a relationship right now and it is not a stable one but the kids are ok with it. Anyway, my question is.....we are having big trouble with our teen son. He hates school, always in trouble in school doing detentions and extended days. Getting bad grades. He could do better if he wanted to but he chooses not to. He finds being the cut up and having fun is much better way to go. He is very smart though.

He has a girlfriend and they are having alot of problems. He lost his job a few months back due to his attitude problem, him and another girlfriend had broken up and he was mad at the world. His dad and I share custody of the kids. They spend every other week with us. The teen and his dad fight alot. The teen thinks he is old enough to make his own decisions and he ought to be able to come and go as he pleases. He drives his car very fast. We found out he has had sex. Maybe several times. With a couple different girls that we know of. That has been a big problem with him and the girls. He is a very jealous type of person. Gets that from his dad. He is VERY moody and very disrespectful. Right now things seem to be spinning a little out of control. His father and him are at it real strong and my teen just don't seem to care about nothing and he just says everything in life is going wrong right now and he just wants to give up. He has mentioned driving his car into a telephone pole or jumping off a bridge. My ex-husband wants to file un-ruly child against him and take away all his privlages from him, the car, cell phone, home phone, computer.....Do you think all this seems just or will it push our teen farther over the edge? Is there hope in your book for us?

Thank you,

Angela

My Out-of-Control Teen

16.3.08

What do I do when he refuses to do anything I ask of him...

My son is 17 years old and a junior in high school. He has been exhibiting all the behaviors you describe in out of control teens for the last couple years. Since he is still a minor till January I can't kick him out, but he refuses to comply with house rules. What do I do when he refuses to do anything I ask of him, but he still is allowed to live here? We are trying to follow your program by letting natural consequences take their course but it is getting worse as he's in jeopardy of failing high school, he just took the high school proficiency exam to get out of high school, but I doubt he passed it. Three years ago he was an aspiring professional athlete with a very bright future and a very different life, when he turned 15 it's like one day we're fired and he's in charge and it's been downhill slide ever since. I have no trouble in letting go of the rope and watching him slide, but how far do you let it go?

My Out-of-Control Teen

First things first...

I'm new to OPS and not sure how this all works. I just downloaded the book. Will get to reading it soon. Here is our situation:

We have 2 sons, D (17), and J (12). They are adopted (and we have told them this all along). We got D when he was about 2 or 3. We got J when he was born. They are half brothers. We also homeschool.

I've been pushing D to get a job ever since he was 16. He has applied at a few places but no responses.

He just finished his curriculum we had for this year and we cannot get him to do any more. So we got a book to help him prepare for his GED. He did a little of it and has now quit that. He says he don't care about that anymore. He won't take any steps to look for a job other than apply online. He won't even finish his last 20 hours of driving he needs to get his license. He won't communicate about what's going on in his head to not be motivated about anything. We began paying our boys for chores. He shrugs that off and doesn't really care if he gets paid. He still does the few chores we have for him, although not without being reminded many times.

I finally asked him Thursday if he would commit to 2 things for me between now and Sunday. 1. Pray that God would help him sort out his thoughts and give him some direction. 2. That he would type up a plan for his future (for the next year or so). I don't care if it is 3 points for 20 points, just have some sort of a plan. Then show it to us Sunday afternoon and mom and I will help him meet the goals he has. I said, "Will you do this?" He just shrugged his shoulders.

What I intend to do is review his plan, help him add some detail, and then setup some time lines to meet the goals.

If he does not show us a plan, we intend to give him ours, which will consist of getting him a car, his license, a job, and a budget. We will tell him that since he apparently is done with school then he is now an adult and needs to take the responsibilities of being an adult. Once he turns 18, if he isn't in school, our health insurance will not cover him so he will need to have a job to get his own, etc.

Now, what do we do if he refuses to get a job or his license? We can't just through him out of the house and force it on him. And this is not a good example for his brother. David is a really good kid. I just have no clue why he is doing what he is doing.

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks.

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Hi D.,

I noticed that you just started the program yesterday. This is a four-week course. I would ask that you simply work through the four weeks - and then come back with some specific questions. I don’t want you to implement a bunch of new changes too quickly. If we did, it would backfire.

A good analogy would be that of a large buffet dinner. You wouldn’t want to consume all 5 courses at once – you’d get sick and throw it all up. I want to spare you from a bad case of parenting-indigestion. First things first.

I can see by your email that you will need to make quite a few changes, and I’m tempted to offer up solutions immediately. But I don’t think this will be in your best interest. I have found that patience is key in the early going.

Simply do session #1 this week (along with the implementation of session #1 assignments) – and nothing more. If you have any questions about the material at any point, please email me. Then in four weeks, we’ll trouble shoot and look at some concrete recommendations per your specific situation.

Also, BE SURE to watch all the Instructional Videos [Online Version of the eBook].

I look forward to hearing back from you in the near future,

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

He said it is like being in the HOLOCAUST...

Hi Mark:

It has been many weeks of high drama.

Bart was in juvenile here in Naples for three weeks until this past Tuesday.

He was transferred to Thompson Academy, a mod risk, non-secure Youth Services International Facility in Pembroke Pines, FL 110 miles from home on the East Coast near Hollywood/Fort Lauderdale.

Bart just called. He is only supposed to get to call on Wednesdays, but the other kids were watching a movie and he said he was sitting biting his nails and a guard told him to go make a phone call.

He said he is one of three white kids out of 136 total there. He said the place is very run down, tiles are missing and broken on the floors, water fountains don't work and there are blood and feces stains on the towels. He said there are fights all of the time. I could hear one going on in the background, you could hear that echo off the walls like you would expect to hear in a facility like that. He said it is like being in the HOLOCAUST and that they shaved his head. He wears a red jumpsuit. He asked me not to bring the grandmas over for visitation as it would be too upsetting for them.

He is blaming me and the input that I gave as to the craziness that has transpired over the last several months. He said many of his thug friends here have more and more serious charges than he does and they are not in a program.

Ashley was going to go with me on the first available date on the 29th, but she is not 18 and she cannot.

I truly feel SICK!

This whole thing is a nightmare.

Thanks for your support.

D.

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Hi D.,

I think you fell for more manipulation. I'm sure he exaggerated the circumstances there.

My program through probation is called SHOCAP (Serious Habitual Offender Community Action Program). Many of my juvenile clients are either in DOC (Department Of Corrections), on the way there, or they have recently returned from there.

I make regular visits to various DOCs in Indiana. While not ideal, they are - for the most part - safe. I haven't had even one client return home with a horror story. I doubt that Florida is that much different.

Your son will be fine. I'm glad he's there. This is the wake-up call he desperately needed.

When you play with fire, you eventually get burned. Better that he get a 1st degree burn now rather than a 3rd degree burn later.

Mark

Online Parent Support

14.3.08

My son tends to be very strong willed...

My son tends to be very strong willed and I am glad he's independent.

I have a husband who holds him accountable as I do. We sometimes have difference of opinion because I feel we need to give him parameters, guidelines etc. In the past we didn't have to now he's starting to socialize more, like girls etc.

My son is 14 years and now I see the signs of him being vocal, he's now taller than me 5'10 to my 5'3'. We give him a cell so he can keep in touch with us. We took his phone away because he didn't come home on time or answered my calls. I told him if he doesn't come home on time or call me, I will come looking for him which I did. He became irate and I told me I embarrassed him. I warned him that I would do that if he followed my rules.Since then he leaves me a note and calls me. He only hangs out in the neighborhood and I know his friend and family. Just an FYI: he was in a friends house with 3 girls unsupervised and I told him I don't want him in anyone's house without parents.

The other thing I am struggling with he has a non-chalet attitude about his homework. He says screw school...I try not to argue with him. He's says that I act like a bitch because I am always on him about his homework.

I told him we had an agreement if he wants his phone, i-pod privileges he has to hold his end of the bargain. Do his homework within an hr. , have his homework done before 9p etc. He tells me he has homework and I start honding him because he hasn't done it so it ends up that he's doing it at 9p and so tired that he doesn't want to do it. He very smart, but I feel he's not being challenged. This is his last year in 8th grade.

For most part, my husband and I have been raised the same with very high standards. What is very difficult for me is that he work swing and I work during the day so I end up being the disciplinarian during the week. After reading your comments I walked away and stopped playing cat and mouse. The other thing is my son is an only child. I now decided instead of arguing with him, I will let my husband deal with him when he gets home.

I don't want to go on and on..hope you can make sense of this. I just don't want my son to get frustrated and I want to continue encouraging him to be the best that he can be.

My Out-of-Control Teen

He seems to be the one kid I can't get along with...

I am a retired teacher having spent the majority of my career working in an inner city school with kids who were wanna be (5th and 6th graders) gang bangers, victims of abuse, neglect etc. You get the picture. I've had good rapport with both the kids and their parents. Now I have my 16 year old grandson living with me. I've spent hours researching his behavior symptoms and he comes closest to ODD. No, I don't have a medical degree and don't like labels, it's just that from what I've read this seems to have most of the behaviors he is exhibiting. Is this something you address in your e-book? He seems to be the one kid I can't get along with and don't know how to get a handle on it.

My Out-of-Control Child

I think he is jealous of the 13 year old...

I ran across your site in hopes to find something I could try with my 15 year old son. I have 4 boys ages 7,10,13,15. My problem is that the 15 year old literally hates my 13 year old. He is mean in the way of words, arguing over silly things. I think he is jealous of the 13 year old because he has friends he can hang with and the 15 year old cannot make friends. So I was hoping this program can help in showing me how to handle those situations and how I could help my son make friends.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Today he kicked one of his teachers...

Hi, I am wondering if your programme will be suitable for young children? my son is nearly 5 and a therapist I contacted over the phone has said my son likely has ODD, her advice to me was to be strict and firm but this is making him more angry. Today he kicked one of his teachers and swore at the other - he is only 5 and we have been through a terrible time in the last 2 years i don't think I can take anymore. Please, it seems your programme is tailored to teenagers but if you can give us any help or direct us to a programme for his age group, or really any advice at all I would appreciate it so so much.

My Out-of-Control Child

9.3.08

We are at our wits end...

We have custody of 2 boys that we are adopting. We have had them for 3 years and 1 month. The are 6 years old and 3 years old.

Caleb, the 6 year old, was diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, sleep disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, RAD, and bipolar effective disorder. I have found help for ADHD but no one around here can help me with the rest of his problems. They only thing that they want to deal with is the ADHD, which I believe is under control, now. But the rest of his issues are now stronger than ever.

Kyle, the 3 year old, was diagnosed with ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and disruptive behavior disorder. He also has alot of medical issues, which as he is getting older seems to becoming more of them. He was very sick when we got them. The doctors told me that if we would have gotten him two weeks later they wouldn't have been able to save him.

The boys are biological brothers. They are also were my husbands sister's children...

We are at our wits end, especially with the 6 year old. I no longer can work. We can't find a sitter to watch them and I am constantly having to deal with the school over Caleb constantly getting in trouble.

My Out-of-Control Child

8.3.08

I have an out of control 16 yr. old son...

I have an out of control 16 yr. old son. He is constantly truant, doesn't come home for days on end, has been caught shop lifting, is verbally abusive to me, and our local school nor police will do anything to help me. I have even called DHS myself and they can't warrant any help cuz I haven't abused him!! Now what?? He's threatening to runaway and hasn't gone to school for almost ten days. He will not listen to me, will not go get help and I have no family to turn to.

My Out-of-Control Teen

He tries to make my son look bad and spreads false rumors about him...

I am living with a woman we moved in together and she has two boys my ex wife gave me my two boys and before we never had problems until my two arrived. Its the situation where now her kids never do their chores they constantly dis obey they lie to their mother but when I call her and tell her about their misdoings she says well your kids do to and its just a escape for her to punish her children, they get told to go to bed at a certain time and they are up til 2 in the morning and late for school and she caters to them but see mine dont have these problems they know i will punish and when she punishes her kids they are let off the next day and then back to causing us the same problems again and again but instead of her backing me up she gets mad at me and says just let it go. Everyone tells me her kids are doing this because of jealousy and my kids are now receiving some of her attention but she works from 11-9 everynight and just goes to her computer and doesn't even spend time with her kids.Its the same fighting for the last five years and everyone says its like that when two people move in with different children the mom gets protective. Its just amazing though how she lets her kids lie and we have proof of their lies and she wont do anything but when one or two of my boys do wrong she loudly verbally hands it to them. What is your opinion I try to be there for her and since shes not home she gets mad at me because I tell her everything her kids do and we end up fighting because she constantly makes excuses instead of punishing and it keeps coming back and we constantly fight. Her 16 year old boy goes to school and tries to make my son look bad and spreads false rumors about him.

Online Parent Support

Is this oppositional defiance?

Hi,
My name is Amanda and I live in New Zealand.
I have a twelve year old preteen daughter who is really bright and has started high school this year.
We are poor financially but I have always seen to it that she has had everything she needed and wanted.
For example she had ballet lessons, tae kwon do and a term of piano lessons.
I trained in primary teaching.
As a single parent with no family support and having survived a dreadful upbringing by a parent with psychiatric problems who has constantly been a destabilising influence.
We have had to shif around a lot to avoid stalking and ongoing harassment.
I was unable to go teaching due to having no before school childcare.
I stayed at home and have been there for my daughter pretty much all the time except when I finished my studies when she was in daycare and later when I did some course updates with evening classes.
I have done my best to build some support for my daughter by attending a local church.
My daughter refuses to do or strongly resists doing pretty much most of what I tell her.
She has started getting detentions this year, has her uniform in a disgusting state and refuses to keep her room clean or do chores for any lenght of time.
She is a clever kid.
It hasn't helped that i have been recovering from chronic fatigue and the emotional issues arising from my own upbringing.
I have also had therapy myself so that I could be a better parent to her.
After getting therapy myself I still don't feel prepared to manage her behaviour.
I can't take her anywhere in public because she either humiliates me, disobeys, or makes a drama including saying things to make me sound like a bad parent.
My worst experience at tae kwon do last year was when talking to one of the rich mums at our club, crystal said she wanted her to be her mum.
Crystal doesn't respect me for not having a job.
when I worked part time it wasn't stable financially .
Now she is more than a full time job herself and i feel like her slave.
I have already done a parenting course and at the moment crystal is experiencing a lot of negative consequences for her actions.
She created a drama on parent night last week because she didn't want me to go.
At her past schools i have always gone the extra mile with going to all extra activities.
Now I'm getting to the point where I know it won't make one single bit of difference.
I have had enough of the constant lying.
I have had enough of the disrespect and rudeness.
I want to do another course or something forward moving this year so I can get a job that will support us properly.
I don't think that is possible with her current behaviour.
She hates me nagging her but won't do things automatically herself.
She is routine resistant.
She has heaps of anger.
She plays games.
She actually reminds me of my mother which is really scary because that level of manipulativeness is sociopathic in my mothers case.
I have done my best to be a good example.
I don't smoke or drink.
I can't be in a relationship because she tends to take over.Well thats one factor.
Time out or rewards don't work and grounding isn't great because I'm stuck with her even more.
She is pretty lazy even though ii have taught her pretty much everything form self care, uniform care, her chore, some cooking and so on.
Although I'm a qualified teacher she doesn't want me to help with her homework.
From when my daughter was little my mother has made several serious false allegations with the authorities about me.
Crystal realises this.
last night i gave her time out on the back door step cause she was dissing me and saying nasty things under her breath.
She starts banging on the door and suggested she would go to the neighbours.
She also slams doors when she is annoyed.
I feel powerless at times.
Today I spoke with a friend of mine from church who may let crystal stay there short term.
Explaining why she has certain consequences/punishments for her actions doesn't work.
Asking her to do stuff doesn't work.
Explaining what will happen if she breaks a certain rule almost seems to make her want to break it.
When I was a child I wouldn't have dared treat my mother that way or she would have beaten the crap out of me.
Crystal has never experienced extreme poverty because we have government support.
She always got more clothes both new and hand me downs than I ever did and more toys and more entertainment.
I put her in the best schools possible.
All I got was one spoiled brat who has no idea how her actions hurt me, and has no idea how hard it has been for me to magically produce a new high school uniform, orthotics,braces for her teeth, new shoes and so on.
As a bright child she does well at school naturally except average at matth.
She applies herself only if she wants to.
She has had some concentartion problems in the past but she seems to be a little better.
If I want her to do something that is good for her she doesn't want to do it.
Now she has no after school activities or lessons, she spends all day doing one task.
If I let her she would read 24/7 which is great unless she is up at midnight, doesn't do homework, is late for school or late for going out even though she has been given a going out time warning.
Sometimes i feel that she gets a kick out of hurting me and is quietly laughing to herself.
We have done lists every year since she was little to encourage independence but she only does what she thinks is important.
In the past she tended to pick the friend who would be the worst influence on her( one stole her lunch regularly, and another at another school stole her winter coat and her place on the dance team and her new friends).
I hope to god that her friends this year are better.
AAAArgh!!!
Is this oppositional defiance?

My Out-of-Control Child

7.3.08

She's extremely defiant right now...

I have an 8 year old girl who is extremely defiant right now. Its nearly impossible to get out the door in the morning for her to go to school and me to work. I am a single parent struggling to get by. Please help with any suggestions. Sticker charts and rewards as incentives for good behavior just don't work anymore. What are some reasonable consequences for her behavior so she is accountable?? I can't leave her home she is only 8.

My Out-of-Control Child

6.3.08

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I came to teach this morning thinking I needed to do something proactive instead of reactive with my 16 year old….

He was diagnosed at an early age with ADHD and ODD. Good looking kid, lots of athletic talent-Big Man on Campus attitude…..you get the picture. He is a tough kid to parent. My husband (Braden’s stepdad) has been great but is tired of the “drama” all the time and the stress that it creates. It only happens with me so I am the one that needs to do something.

Braden doesn’t do anything I ask him to do. He seems indifferent to feelings or needs of others which I don’t get (my 18 year old son is the total opposite). He will NOT put away his clothes, pickup after himself, won’t get out of bed in the morning (this am I was screaming at the top of my lungs after an hour of trying to get him up), won’t do his homework(he’s failing Algebra-he blows off the assignments), he grunts when you talk to him or gets irritable and won’t answer then the minute he wants something he’s mister communication and sweet…..how annoying and how he totally controls our lives-HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He takes Concerta and we have seen a psychiatrist for years but at $150 an hour and nothing much changing I’m out of time , money and patience..

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