Online Parent Support Chat

30.5.08

They are tired of him being dishonest, disrespectful, lying and stealing...

I happen to see this on the internet when looking or resources on how to deal with my eldest son. He is truly out of control, he is smoking marijuana and taking perscription medicine. I had to relocate him from home in Tallahassee florida because of his involvement with gangs. I moved him back home with my mother and grandmother because they asked me too and now they are tired of him being dishonest, disrespectful, lying and stealing. I am at my wits end and my son has so much potential when he applies himself in school he is a straight A student. But now he does not care and it hurts to see my son doing this to himself. My son has a lot of hurt that he is holding on to. He wanted to meet his father but I have not been able to get in contact with him because he tried to strangle my son when he was just 4 months old. He never wanted my son so he did whatever he thought he could get away with. I love my son and is afraid that I will be burying him before long if he keeps on this track of life.

My Out-of-Control Teen

He exhibits about 4 or 5 of the "symptoms" of ODD...

I have been researching about ODD mostly on the Internet because my 14 year old son has recently been diagnosed with it. Our main problems are with school as well as other authority figures and not with home life as much. He is not violent or threatening, and he is very bright. He recently began counseling, and his therapist does NOT indicate that he is AD(H)D. He does not believe that medication is the solution for my son. He exhibits about 4 or 5 of the "symptoms" of ODD and he is extremely strong-willed. At the same time, he is very loving, very generous, very sensitive to other peoples feelings, and he loves his dog. It is primarily when he is confronted by an adult to comply with some rule that he exhibits this destructive behavior (ie; school). He does love to argue, and he thoroughly enjoys pestering and pushing people's buttons. Normally, however, he does this in a joking and light-hearted manner. He is about to enter high school, and i want him to be successful, but the prognosis on the Internet is not very reassuring. before i delve into spending additional money on every book or seminar or parenting class out there, i am a single parent who just wants to see my child succeed, but i am about at my wit's end with the public school system and their unaccommodating, archaic teaching styles especially where boys are concerned.

My Out-of-Control Child

Is he an irresponsible, self-centered kid?

I have an 18 year old son, a senior, (not to mention a difficult, type A, headstrong 14 year old girl who has made parenting the biggest challenge of my life and is what actually led me to you in the first place), who has me really concerned. He was always fairly "easy", reserved, a little shy, but started coming out of his shell last year with the typical stuff-some partying, reduced school effort, attitude, and so forth. He's always been, I'm embarrassed to say, pretty lazy as far as helping out around the house, earning $, etc., but we've stuck with our expectations, ie. chores, despite his disagreeable attitude.

Two summers ago he worked his tail off at a restaurant, and we thought he'd blossomed from the experience, felt mature, had $ etc. We live WAY out in the boonies and he has along drive to school (about 30 miles each way!)and last year (his junior year) we payed all car insurance, half car repairs and all gas for miles to and from school. When summer rolled around, he refused to increase his work hours (he worked one 4 hour afternoon a week) and wouldn't take us up on any offers to earn $ around the house. This year we said we'd pay all insurance again, but only half gas $ for school. (was this fair?) which is $50/week, leaving him $50 to pay.

He finally got a job waiting tables 3 nights a week at a place near school, but another 15 miles in the opposite direction from home! Then he started staying at his girlfriend's on the nights he worked because it was a 50 minute drive home at 10:00 at night, then even on the nights he didn't work he stopped coming home. It felt like I had no son, he stopped calling to let me know not to expect him for dinner until after the fact, though he used to be very considerate about that. After several weeks of arguing with him, my husband and I presented him with a compromise: be home for dinner on the school nights you don't work, one night you do, and on Sunday night since it's a school night. If not, no more gas$. Unfortunately, he did not take us up on this offer. Now he's quit his job because it's too far away and his wages and just all goes to gas. He's "looking" for another one, so he says. He pretty much comes and goes as he pleases.

He was accepted to some colleges, but is deferring admission for a year, which seems right since he's an able but very unmotivated student. We told him that if he chose to stay at home when fall rolled around, we'd expect him to pay room and board. We know he wants to be anywhere but home, which is right for his age, so it's kind of a moot point but he has absolutely no plans other than to buy land in south america, or try his hand at being homeless in Manhattan (he's a Jack Kerouak fan, but I think he's missed the point) but we just wanted to let him know. Now he is infuriated and hurt that we would even think to ask him to kick in any money, and uses that as a reason to be unpleasant, show up even less, and claim to have no need to work.

I guess effort and motivation are pretty low for him-maybe he fits into the indulged child you describe? We are pretty laid back parents, but really value being a family, while understanding his need to cut ties, but I am really worried at his lack of ...I don't know what. Am I just a mom who's morning the imminent loss of her child? Or is he an irresponsible, self-centered kid?

My Out-of-Control Teen

I do not want this monster back...

I am a very concerned parent who lives in the United Kingdom. When my daughter turned 12 - 13 she became an incredibly rebellious teenager. She is now 15 (16 in October) and has done everything on your list including the latest problem of making allegations against my husband and myself that we hit her. We were interviewed by the police yesterday and no further action will be taken against either of us. She has been in the care of social services for almost a fortnight when she first made the allegations. We will be meeting with her and social services next Wednesday and although I want my daughter home, I do not want this monster back and I certainly do not want her 16 year old boyfriend anywhere near us. I have a 13 year old son who is extremely distressed by all the goings-on.

My Out-of-Control Teen

29.5.08

He still lives with me and he is 22 years old...

I have problems with my son Timmy for the last past 4 years: After he graduated from High School, he keeps having problems with cars: This is the third car that he is driving.

1- I gave him a really nice car for his graduation and one month later he had a car accident and completely destroyed it.

2- I gave him the insurance money and he bought a very old car: With this very old car, he had lots of tickets ($5,000 of tickets – Most of them were for speeding).

* He went to Jail because he couldn’t pay for his tickets.

3- Just before he went to jail, he bought a very expensive BMW ($570 per month).

When he got out of jail, I got a loan of $5,000 on my name to pay off all his tickets. Timmy paid me back for a year ($440 per month). But now, he didn’t claim zero on his pay checks so he needs to pay back $1,500 on his income tax. He also broke his windshield, and he cannot pay for it. His Safety Inspection is due this month and he can’t pay for it. He also has a phone bill, two credit cards bills. He goes play all the time. I pay for his car insurance every month.

(Las September 2007, I paid another $500 for Court for him and now he has another Court Fee of $500 for April 2008)

He speaks to me very badly. He still lives with me and he is 22 years old. He works for 4 years now and never saved any money. He never cleans his room.

I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I would like to help him again on his bills but every time I do that, he creates more bills.

Please give me some advices. What do I need to do?

Thank you,

Patricia

My Out-of-Control Teen

28.5.08

I feel so fed up with it all...

Me and lizzie live alone and I can't understand why we can not live in perfect harmony. I have reflected on my own actions and methods of handling situations in our relationship and can honestly say I feel I am a younger mum and am relatively cool and think I balance good parenting whilst remembering Lizzie is growing up and I need to give her more freedom, responsibility and treat her more like an adult in general. We have discussed this on numerous occasions, at times we can get on just great however most of the time Lizzie is moody, very ungrateful, shouts, ignores, snaps, makes demands and lies. In short lizzie bullies me, she is bigger than me and does not fear me in any way. I feel so fed up with it all, it is like being in a bad marriage, it can start at 7 in the morning or 10 at night and I do not have any support network at all.

My Out-of-Control Teen

i was addicted to meth from the age of 15-38...

my name is shannon. im a single mother of three teens. I dont have a high school diploma and i have limited parenting skills as i came from a VERY disfunctional drug addicted family. So please bear with me my comp. skills are still a work in progress. My son chance is out of controll. im about two more arguements away from calling cps. i just cant handle any more. he has ocd he is 13. first some background. i was addicted to meth from the age of 15-38. i am now 39 i have been sober for almost a year. in this past year i have worked steady (i have no skills per-say so i have waitressed and now work at a convience store), i filed my taxes, have a home,and pay bills, all the things i failed to provide for my children in the past i now accompolish, to the best of my ability. i have little to no parenting skills, but i love my children with all my being. my son is out of controll,and i dont know what to do. i need help so very badly and dont know where to turn. i just dont know what to do to fix or understand why he is so hatefull and manipulative.

My Out-of-Control Teens

27.5.08

My husband does not come to my defense...

I've been struggling with my 17 year old son for 2 years both at home and school. I'm wondering how I can continue to parent this boy when I have a spouse who refuses to support me or impose any discipline regardless of the crime. Within the last few days, my son told me that he was going to kick me in the face and knock my teeth out and my husband stood by said and did nothing. My son continually throws in my face that it is his father's (my husband) money that pays for the house and I have no say as to what happens here. Again, my husband does not come to my defense.

My Out-of-Control Teen

25.5.08

The only future I see is one that involves jail...

I am really not sure if my son has ODD, but we are having severe problems. He has been on ADHD medication for two years and we have seen some slight improvements in behavior. However, for the most part he is completely out of control. Every website I have gone to about ODD has a list of symptoms and every symptom given matches him.

He is destructive, argumentative, will not take responsibility for his actions and is very immature for his age. He refuses to follow directions on a daily basis, has extremely low grades in school, and no self-confidence. He used to take rocks and scratch our vehicles, but has since stopped doing that and now destroys things like my daughters' toys, his toys, his furniture, his walls, things that may take a couple of days for me to notice. He purposely annoys me, his father, and his little sisters. We can not take him out in public because he will purposely do things to embarrass us or draw attention to himself--even when he is on his medication. He seems to be very remorseful for his actions once he is yelled at or punished, but then will return to the behavior shortly after or the next day. At this point, he is literally more work than our twin girls who are two. He usually on responds to shouting--if I use a calm voice he just tries harder or does something more severe to annoy me. It really seems as though he enjoys getting in trouble. It's just tiring!

I am at my witt's end. My husband and I are seriously thinking of sending him to a camp for troubled kids because we have no where else to turn. The medication seems to do nothing if he so chooses, although it is much more manageable if he is on it (Daytrana patches). He is much more compliant on the medication and will do chores more easily, but there are times when he is on the patches that I can see no improvement in behavioral problems. He has NEVER had a year in school where he hasn't been put on some kind of behavior chart. Time and time again he is put in ALC and sent to the principal's office because he can not keep his hands to himself or keep from aggravating other students or because he is being utterly terrible to the teachers. He is overly aggressive and many times his "friends" or their parents will tell the teacher that he has been pushing and shoving and hurting them. He can be the sweetest child, but then there are days when I can't stand to be around him. His behavior has become a cancer in my home and it is affecting everyone negatively. We are desparately trying to raise our daughters in a chaos-free environment, but my son seems to only want to function in chaos. Behavior charts don't work, he has no understanding of other's feelings, or the value of things. We have tried rewards and punishments and nothing works. We are just looking for some help.

My son is a good kid and has lots of potential and I want him to have a good future. At this point the only future I see is one that involves jail.

My Out-of-Control Child

24.5.08

I just want to make sure I do the right thing...

I have a 14 year old son who is suffering from anxiety/ depression amongst other issues. This all started in his last year at high school, he doesn't want to go to school anymore now and he's only got a year left, he is very moody and disrespectful to me and I feel I have always been there for him. As a family we have just had a bereavement my brother has passed away only 4 wks ago and this seems to have kick started my sons behavior again. My son's father and i separated when he was 3 and I am now married with a 9 year old son also. My marriage has been rough and my husband has no relationship with my son at all which I know is one of the biggest problems, although I don't feel this is my sons fault as my husband has never made an effort to get to know him and i feel guilty for letting this happen. My son was always very quiet when he was little but as he got older started to come out of his shell a bit more and has never been a horrible child and still isn't just very mixed up and I just want to make sure I do the right thing. At the moment he went to his dads and i have to arrange a meeting with them to discuss his future I don't know what attitude to adopt he left last year for 2 mths because of my husband and it made me very ill but this time nothing has happened between my husband and him, it just seems school related and bereavement, sorry this is so long winded but I found you this morning and feel so desperate.

My Out-of-Control Teen

I feel I can not cope with him...

I have just sent my 15 year old son to his fathers for two weeks in desperation, and now feel I've taken the wrong course of action again.My son has been excluded from school for the third time and is on his very last warning.We have three other children who are all fine and I constantly blame myself or my actions for the way he is. He doest seem to do authority all that well and certainly makes it really clear he hates his step father .Family members constantly view their thoughts on the situation and put it down to my divorce when he was 4 years old and having his nose put out of joint at the appearance of two younger siblings, who got more attention than him. He has taken cannibals drinks steals money, and is constantly in trouble with the school, and police. I love my son but he is putting so much strain on my marriage and other children I feel I can not cope with him.

My Out-of-Control Teen

22.5.08

She was sexually assaulted...

Not sure where to start but since sophomore year she lost several pounds and was very strong willed and independent and that has proven to be her downfall. She was sexually assaulted last summer because she was out with a boy who is from the wrong side of the tracks if you will. She was at a sleepover so I thought she was safe but went out on her own cuz she was upset about something and put herself in a very dangerous situation which led to the assault. We had several health problem due to this but I was naive in thinking this would keep her from doing something stupid as premarital sex (which her twin has pronounced herself as abstinent so thought that would help too) so didn't put her on birth control. And since then my husband her father has been very overprotective and strict about her having any independence but I've tried to give her some leeway and found it when she went and got pregnant it was a night I was at work and she had a fight with her dad which caused her to seek friendship with a neighborhood boy and ended up going too far. She told us only because she was due to have a gardisil shot and knew she couldn't with pregnancy. She has decided not to do abortion because we don't believe in it. And her college plans are changed drastically and not sure how we're going to afford taking care of this but don't want adoption either. But now my question is how to tell a grandma(her dad's mom) and other family members even though my side has gone through a similar situation.

Sleepless mom

My Out-of-Control Teen

21.5.08

Her behaviour is getting riskier and riskier...

My daughter's father will not discipline our teen runaway daughter, even though her behaviour is getting riskier and riskier. His answer to the problem is to placate her, even reward her for her bad behaviour. It's this wanting to make her happy-type of response, I guess, hoping that if she is happy, she won't run away. Last time she ran away from home, it was 13 days before she came home. The two of them are driving me insane!

Stressed out,

Brisbane
Australia

My Out-of-Control Teen

Had a shitful day...

Just stumbled across your website after a somewhat shitful day, when to top it off, I hear my 13 year old daughter throwing a fit at her 11 year old brother, swearing, yelling and screaming!!! I run down to their bedrooms to referee before it gets uglier, see and hear my daughter storming into her room swearing like I've never heard before and I followed her in and was positively furious at her tantrum and foul mouth. I lost my control and slapped her arm as she was still swearing about her brother in front of me, and then she launched the swearing at me....never happened before, 1st time. As punishment for her rudeness and disrespect I proceded to take her aerial from her TV and said television priveleges gone for 3 days, whereby she screamed at me that she hated me and ran out of her room. She has never been the easiest child, always very strong willed, has to be right, impulsive, insensitive at times about others, cheeky etc. but behaviour like tonight was the worst I've ever experienced with her.

My Out-of-Control Teen

20.5.08

She is hyperactive, incredibly noisy and distracted, aggressive, argumentative and abusive...

I live in Australia and have an 81/2 year old daughter (an only child conceived by IVF) who behaves badly a lot of the time and causes me great stress. A child psychiatrist assessed her as being needy, insecure, immature and attention seeking but she behaves more as if she has either ADHD or ODD. She is immature for her age but is also quite perceptive and academically advanced in certain areas (she is reading at about 2 years beyond her class grade for example). She is hyperactive, incredibly noisy and distracted, aggressive, argumentative and abusive (more so to us than others) and is rude to a lot of kids at school using a "smart alec" tone of voice. She cries a lot when things aren't going right and plays the "everyone hates me" card a lot. She seems to have limited insight into the reasons for her difficulties and I despair for her on a daily basis. The psychiatrist had her doing play therapy once a week (whatever that is) but the temper tantrums and abuse continue. My husband says I should cut her some slack but I can't get her to school on time or do other things (homework etc..) if I don't run a strict routine.

I was thinking of taking her to see someone (a psychologist) to get a formal diagnosis but was looking at symptoms of ADHD and ODD on the Net this morning and came across your site.

Online Parent Support

18.5.08

I don't want to exist like this anymore...

I am almost to depressed to do any more with him i am on the verge of telling him to leave i just can't do it anymore i am out of juice i have 2 terminal parents living with me i am the only child and no relatives in australia my parents are totally bankrupt my daughter is great she is doing her school cert and i have david who is always telling me to F@#k off as part of my normal day I just can't take it with his behavior and attitude, school don't want him there and are on the phone to me daily,my ex has a new family and doesn't want to know i have reared him on my own since he was born and before. he is so mean aggresive hurtful amd cruel to me in front of his friends and when there is no one around I love him and when ever I do anything he abuses me and makes me feel worthless. I am destroyed and am just past the point. I t has been so bad for so long in and out of courses pychlogists councilers you name it we've done it and nothing has worked. I don't want to exist like this any more its no life.

My Out-of-Control Teen

16.5.08

16 yo son was caught shoplifting...

My 16 yo son was caught shoplifting with a friend and is facing 2 felony counts because of the dollar amount and the use of duffel bags. This was a week ago. He has 3 tv channels and one game on the computer. We took away all internet, cell phone, cable tv in room, home phone, going anywhere with friends and have been picking up and dropping him off to and from school and football practice. He previously took the bus on his own. We also found out there had been other instances of shoplifting small ticket items before but he had not been caught. My son previously had also accused us falsely of abuse and we had an informal meeting with CPS but no report was filed as they realized that there was no abuse. My son is in weekly counseling as are we. He has been compliant with most requests to do chores, has been doing homework but still has had occasional outbursts. We meet with intake, parole, in a week to see if they will be filing charges. I remain terrified to release him back on his own and what might happen next. Your website was a relief to find thanks for the time and effort, it matters.

My Out-of-Control Teen

15.5.08

It is getting worse and worse...

I was looking on the net as I have run out of energy and soul I have a son (16yr) with ODD he has every symptom and more I am divorced and going out of my mind.

I have done all the courses avail to me since he was 6yr and seen 5 phycologists I have 2 terminal sick parents and I am the only child, I have a daughter 18 and she is fine.

I cant do anything with him and it is getting worse and worse at home and school he has a foul mouth and I am so scared he is going to end up behind bars he is very im mature for his age in many ways and i don't know how to help him I have tried everything I can think of for the last 10yrs and we are still no where.

I feel trapped as I love him so much but he is distroying me emotionally and stressing me to the point of health issues I love him but can't stand to be around him help us please you are my last hope.

My Out-of-Control Teen

13.5.08

Frequent bursts of anger...

Our 9 year old daughter has always had frequent bursts of anger. She seems to have a negative attitude much of the time and gets frustrated very easily. She does well at school and w/ others but she is not very nice to us as her parents as soon as she meets w/ opposition. She seems to have difficulty w/ time management and organization. She does respond to different approaches from us but we haven't found consistent, efficient ways to help her and reduce the drama in our household.

My Out-of-Control Child

I am at my wits end...

I am a very stressed out parent of a 17 year old daughter who is out of control, she doe not come home after school, usually she takes off on Friday and I can not find her for 2-3 days, she has received 2 charges in 2 months, (1) underage consumption and (1) theft, and just got caught shoplifting today, she also says she drinks, I took her to be evaluated at a Behavioral & addiction program she was supposed to go to first class yesterday but she did not come home after school until 1130 pm, so she missed the first meeting she is also very mean to younger brother and sister and extremely disrespectful to me and step father, I guess I just want to know if this behavior is capable of this kind of program or do you think I need some other kind of help? I am at my wits end.

My Out-of-Control Teen

12.5.08

I felt like I was at the end of the rope this weekend...

This past weekend, my 16-yr old daughter, spent the night @ her father's house - even though he wasn't home & I had told her she could not. She then stayed out all Saturday, called to tell me what she was doing & I told her she needed to be home. I called her a bit later & she told me she couldn't talk b/c she was driving - she was then pulled over & given a ticket for talking on her cell phone while driving. She called me back up to tell me I was responsible for her ticket, b/c I called her. Her ticket was written a little after 7 PM, she came home around 8:45 & told me she was going back to her father's that night.

I called to cancel her cell phone. Yesterday (yes, Mother's Day), she left a sarcastic note for me in a mother's day card & told me nice move canceling her phone & to call her to let her know if she was going to stay @ her father's. I told her on Saturday that I was done w/ all of this. I called and left a message w/ her father to let him know that she will be staying w/ him. I have not heard from him yet.

As you can tell, this was not this first time she has pulled this. She passed her road test about 3 weeks ago & has been home just barely long enough to sleep. In New York, jr drivers have to be off the road by 9PM & a few nights - she came in just after that. Her father bought her the car & she pays her own insurance, so I felt like I had no say in if she was allowed to drive.

I really feel that she is in a downward spiral. She has slept around w/ different guys. Called her pediatrician to recommend a gynocologist so she could be put on birth control pills, lies constantly, will not do what is asked of her (& I'm not talking little things like cleaning her room). She was caught drinking by her father & he didn't tell me about it.

On the positive, she is a great student (95+ average), is on the cheerleading team at school, has been dancing since she was 3 & works.

We really need some help. I feel like anything I say is ignored, she has no respect for me & for that matter for herself.

I felt like I was at the end of the rope this weekend, I know sending her to live w/ her father is not the best answer, but to be honest, I cannot be with her if she is going to upset my home that much.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Our home life is a hell with him ...

We are trying to raise our soon to be 15 y.old son who started act out after he turned 12.

School is been difficult from the beginning and I and his dad have been pushing him to do his homework day one. He is in 8 grade and teacher said that if he wants to pass he have to give extra work in but he is not interested to do that.

We have spoke with him and offered any help he would need to pass the 8 grade but all he is doing is using swear-words and threatening to kill himself if he is not passing the 8 grade.

Teachers have done a lot to help us and him and he can have A -s but he is not even trying to do any homework and at school he seems to disturb the lessons with his constant talking to friends and sometimes he sleeps !

Our home life is a hell with him. There is not a moment with him when he is not using abusive and horrible language to address me , his dad or his little and sweet 10 years old sister . She is already showing the affects and nightmares so she is afraid to sleep in her own bed at night .Our son have been threatening to kill us many times so she is probably scared that he may one day do it .

I had a brain tumor removal surgery 7 months ago and all that time he did not change his attitude at all to help his dad or little sister to cope in the house or show me any kindness.I was recovering at home and he still abused me with his cuss and many times told me that I will die anyway because my tumor will come back ...............

I have ever heard anything so cruel from anyone ....and he is my son.......

He seems to have no remorse and never comes and apologize , he told us that apologizing is a form of weakness.

My husband have been very calm person and talks with him calmly and is been trying to understand his teenage struggles. All he gets is abuse and punching and what ever he does to bond with him is been slap in his face from our son.

He is been discipline taking his computer and games awei but he is always stealing them back and he in number one liar .......we can not take his words seriously a long time because he is doing it all the time.

We have seen several different psychiatrists and he was on the depression medication 5 moths because they thought he is depressed and he is very thin and ill looking. I saw no major changes and told them that I think he have ODD.

They did some tests and I think the test showed nothing major but he is very good knowing what to say and what to answer so I am quite sure he =
cheated there.

His therapist told us that he is telling him that everything is fine at school and home and he believed him all the time. He was surprise when we told that it is not the truth at all.

So I feel very little hope left with him ....I feel more and more that it is becoming harder to say to him we love him even I still to say that every day.

This is almost destroyed my marriage, our health is going and our younger child is suffering.Our son just goes one and laughs and of cause tells us every day that he wishes we all die and how much he hates us.

My husband now think that he is a psycopath and I am afraid that he may be, because he does not show any remorse of his action and hell he is putting us every day.

I am starting to think that he will kill us one night because his anger is so shift and he is angry all the time ...

We have tried everything, he just getting worse and down hill. I have no money to private special school or wilderness program. I just would like to have normal family life and marriage back and hope to my daughter to live stress free in our home.

I honestly do not know if there is any hope left to our son but I am starting to think that it is wrong him to destroy rest of our family because he does not care.

And then one day he leaves and starts living his young life hopefully and we are left here with ill health, divorced maybe, mental scares to our younger child.

My Out-of-Control Child

He is a daily user of pot...

I come across your program while searching for answer to a out of control 17yr son who has just about ripped our marriage and family apart.

I have been in court this past week to take out and avo against our son as I have very little control. we need help fast. I would like to know if it is to late for our family, my son has been out of school for 3 years and works part time, he is a daily user of pot and drinks on the weekends, do we stand a chance with this child, we have demanded he leave the house, but he refuses to go.

My Out-of-Control Teen

11.5.08

I am at my wits end...

I have just read the information on your website about out of control teens. It sounds like the answer to my prayer. I have sat for hours pouring over websites on the internet for any help, tips, support I can find. It's a terrible situation to find yourself in & one of complete failure.

I have a 15 year old daughter (turning 16 in June). When things are going her way etc., she is right as rain BUT this is quite rare. She is what I would call a complicated child always full of woes, falling out with friends, hating school & doing as she is told. I give her wide boundaries but she tramples all over them & continually defies me etc., She is never able to see my point of view! I am at my wits end.

My Out-of-Control Teen

10.5.08

Life is hell...

I have a son who refuses to negotiate or respect me or my home. If I leave to go to my room he often follows and refuses to let me be on my own. He is very angry and this is fueled by his fathers hatred of me. So it is difficult for me to set boundaries as they are just ignored. He is 17 next week and I am becoming afraid of him. I cannot continue to live like this but would feel so guilty if I threw him out (even tho I keep threatening to) Any time I take a stand it is met with unbelievable fury, there is no negotiation and life is hell. Help!

My Out-of-Control Teen

9.5.08

We don't know what to do...

My name is Wally. Our 2 grandchildren lost their 26 year old mother in a car accident in October 2007. The 2 children are Josh - age 6 and Jana age 9.

We have been through what their respective teachers refer to as the normal stages (denial, anger, etc). Josh seems to have accepted things and, except for occasionally getting up in the middle of the night crying and saying he misses his mommy (it breaks our hearts), is adjusting okay.

Jana on the other hand is not. She is deliberately failing tests, lying and even cheating. She is acting out in class and no longer listens to the teacher.

Jana and the rest of the family are in therapy. We hired a tutor to work with her on her schoolwork and my wife works with her an hour a night on her homework. But Jana's acting out is getting worse and, even though we are positive she knows the answers, is failing tests on a regular basis. Her only explanation is "the work is getting too hard."

We don't know what to do.

My Out-of-Control Child

8.5.08

I find it very stressful dealing with my son...

He goes straight to the computer right from the moment he gets home from school at 3.30pm & goes on it till 6 or 7 pm. The computer is in my bedroom so he sits there for hours and hours refuses to come down for his tea or dinner. Now that it's summer, and I bark at him, he leaves the computer at 7pm, goes out to play with his friends and gets home abt 8.30pm, and when he gets home, demands for dinner while watching TV in the living room till about 9.30pm or 10pm, and then I'd have to bark at him to go upstairs and sleep as it's school night. He argues saying that he's the only child in the street who's sleeping so early as all his friends sleep later, all his friends have got TV or computers in their rooms and he's got nothing (He's sleeping in a big room with a double bed all to himself and he's got some wrestling figurines, boardgames, books and study table). He doesn't like reading or studying. Next week on Monday, he will begin his important school exams, but he's not bothered about it. I've tried for the past two weeks to not allow him to be on the computer or tv, but he throws intense temper tantrums, screams, name calling, takes away my laptop & even influences the mind of my daughter to be against me! His behaviour is not a good model for my little girl who's trying to copy him. He treats the house like a hotel and expects things done for him all the time. Everyday, we get into an argument and each time that happens, he wets the bed, creating extra work.I've tried applying consequences for actions, like he can only be on the computer for one hour and I come switch it off, but before I even get near it to switch off, he gives me a very hard time, then I get put off and just leave him alone cos it just drains my energy out as then I'd have to tend to my 5 year old daughter who's busy watching the TV!

He doesn't listen to instructions and does things according to his own accord, not having any fear for authority figures. For example, yesterday, he walked my daughter home from school not using the lollypop man and he was caught by the teacher. He came home angry saying she's got no right to do so cos he was already across the road and out of the school compound. He said he felt like firing her at that point. It's not that my son doesn't know the dangers of crossing the road without using the lollypop man as I've told him many times and the school has reminded the children, but he has always just crossed the busy main road on his own just because all his other friends do it. His excuse was he forgot but I said how could he forget especially yesterday when he was walking his little sister home. As a consequence for not listening to instructions, he was not allowed the computer. Then he threw such a big tantrum (as he usually does), kicking, screaming, crying, saying I'm not being fair, etc etc and all the other stuff you mentioned in your website, and then he just ran up and went on it. This morning, I said since he didn't cross using the lollipop man, that I was walking with him to school. He just walked out of the house angrily and rushed ahead for school with a sour face saying I'm the worst mother on earth etc etc...

I've tried to avoid power struggles with my child but find myself in a constant battle and fighting back in rage. I hate that because it leads to me being all stressed and depressed and him being upset and angry with me and taking things personally.I've also moved from to a child friendly neighbourhood simply to give my kids a better growing up environment but I notice he is easily influenced and getting more defiant, so am thinking of moving somewhere else so he will be more restricted. I find it very stressful dealing with my son as all my decisions in life have to evolve around him. I have no support at all, no peace of mind for my studies and had resorted many times to send him back to his dad cos perhaps he needs his dad at this age and also that my husband would probably be able to handle him using his methods of parenting which is the traditional way. I'm not sure the way ahead but at this stage, I know that some things have to change and I'm hoping to follow through the programme.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Out of Control Teenager

I am a mother of "Out of Control Teenager"...She is 15 years and isn't doing so hot in school, lying and doesn't want to help around the house. I am not a slave driver, but if you talk to her that's what she would say.

She is very grouchy and if she doesn't get her way she is immediately pissed off!!

I really would like to get some help quidance...Counseling isn't something that she would be OKay with..she doesn't like to talking to strangers...I think if I had some materials that I could learn from I could help her through what she has going on that makes her this way...

My Out-of-Control Teen

7.5.08

Danielle's behavior seems so etched and unchangeable...

Like many others trying to cope with a child with ODD, I am ready to consider residential treatment centers. The centers are quite spendy and $30 bucks seems like the golden ticket. However, our child is 15, and I'm curious as to what you think your program has that eliminates the (desperate) need to try wilderness ranches, boarding schools, etc. Danielle's behavior seems so etched and unchangeable, especially the older she gets. I actually don't think she's reachable (we've tried encouraging good behavior -- why wouldn't you WANT to be good? -- and there are always consequences ...usually grounding...for her bad choices and attitudes).

Much of the reason I research the disorder is just to learn how to survive it. I can be stubborn myself and, thus, end up in shouting matches because "you mess with me, I WILL win because I AM the parent!" Nothing makes me angrier than a mouthy, disrespectful teen. You seem to understand the dilemma parents have and that's comforting, but is 15 too late in the game? It really does feel hopeless. I think we're all exasperated.

My Out-of-Control Teen

My son may have ODD...

It has been brought to my attention that my son may have ODD. He is seven years old. In school he is in first grade. His teacher reports that he has no issues within the classroom at all. At home it is a whole different "ball game". I am struggling very badly.

My Out-of-Control Child

6.5.08

Constant arguments battles shouting aggression and major amounts of disrespectfulness...

Its the classic tale of constant arguments battles shouting aggression and major amounts of disrespectfulness and that's just from him.. He is 14 this Aug and an incredibly intelligent young man Here in England he is classed as a Gifted child academically but the past 4 years he seems to have gone from a wonderful kind respectful child into this raging monster that I to be quite honest I really don't like anymore. I find it unbearable to be around him most times as the minute I wake up in the mornings his vile mouth and attitude kicks in for no reason he is aggressive with his 2yr old brother and shouts at him and is very ruff with him to the point of leaving bruises on his arm where he has gripped him. I really don't think I can cope with him any more and its tearing me apart. I work so hard to give him the great standard of living that we have but nothing is ever good enough because he always wants more and feels hard done by if im not constantly giving him what he wants.. I really need some help...

Online Parent Support

I feel scared, frustrated, tired and inadequate...

I'm a parent of an 11 year old son and am having problems parenting him alone. I'm also pursuing a post graduate degree and find it hard to juggle the stress of my exams & deadlines as well as the stress of managing him which many times have made me just break down and cry. Like this morning before going to school for instance, he wanted to be a member of an online game & when I explained to him that he can't, he threw temper tantrums and started kicking me. Also the night before, which is a school night, he also hit me when he wasn't allowed to switch on a video to watch at 9.30pm! He's always unhappy about things, always angry, dissatisfied and always defying rules to suit his whims and fancies. He makes all kinds of excuses to read or study and is all the time on the computer till late. If he is not allowed to do what he wants, in anger and frustration, he hits his head real hard on the wall or threatens to kill himself once or twice running to get the knife from the kitchen drawer. I don't know how to react. On several occassions, he bedwets in the morning and when he does that, he gets upset & angry with himself for doing that. I feel scared, frustrated, tired and inadequate parenting him as it drains a lot of my energy. He is fine at school and is able to control his temper there.I have tried all methods but nothing seems to work. Perhaps I'm not strict enough or not doing things right, but my son says I'm horrible and resents me.

It's the final straw & I'm at the end of my tether. I fear the kind of teenager he will grow up to be. Hence I'm writing to seek some support on how to deal with him before he grows any bigger cos as it is, his behaviour is already like a terrible teenager.

My Out-of-Control Child

She shows me and her step-father very little respect....

My daughter Sophie is 12 years old. Bright, funny and beautiful. We’ve just heard glowing reports from her at school. And her friends parents have no problems with her.

However, she shows me and her step-father very little respect. She screams and shouts and if she can’t get her way all hell breaks out. I’ve tried every avenue but she just makes life hell if she can’t get her own way. So setting boundaries doesn’t work. There’s always a row. She treats me worse than one of her peers.

She has lots of issues to deal with – her life has been far from easy. Her father left when she was 7 months old. A subsequent boyfriend ignored her most of the time. Now I am married to a lovely man. But she won’t accept him. Her blood father is very erratic and being alcoholic lives chaotic lifestyle. (He is abusive and aggressive and impossible to deal with.) Sophie hasn’t seen him for about three months.

I have tried to take control and give her boundaries but the next day, there’s another argument. We’ve tried counselling – much time and money has been invested and there’s been very little change.

At bedtime, she’s lovely, we chat and laugh and share the day. But this only lasts for about 30 minutes. I’d like the rest of our time together to be as precious and loving.

My Out-of-Control Child

1.5.08

When he gets mad it's like he's a completely different person....

I have been searching and searching the net for some kind of advice. It started when my teen just turned 15 and started a new school. All hell broke loose, he thought he was a grown up now. He was hanging out, not coming home on time, talking back, yelling, throwing things, telling me what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it. Last year we had a fight and when we fight he always very defiant and tells me things like "I don't want to, I won't", "do you give up yet", "just be quiet" etc. I told him to go to his room and he refused. He came at me yelling in my face and putting his hands in my face. I got the phone and told him I was going to call my boyfriend to come over and diffuse the situation. He took the phone from me a threw it across the room, when I took my cell phone and told him I was going to call the police, he took that phone too. I grabbed his arm and he pulled away from me, my nails scratched his arm and he now has a scar. After that I vowed to never let it get like that again and it hasn't gotten physical but he still tries to dictate what he will and will not do and the last argument he punched a hole through a door. He still comes to my face yelling and puts his hands in my face. I ignore him and tell him I will not respond till he calms down. We recently had an argument because he was on the computer while he was supposed to do hw, he stays up late every single night doing work because he refuses to do it uninterrupted. Then he gets 2 or 3 hours of sleep and does it all over again day after day. I don't understand why he doesn't see his way isn't working. When I told him to get to it the 80th time he got nasty. He deliberately continued doing what he was doing and ignored me, turned his music up real loud and said "just give up already" over and over. I told him when he was done acting like an infant, I'll come back. I didn't know what else to do. This is part of our aim conversation the day after that.

(4:17:44 PM): but why do you need to be on my back anyway
(4:17:48 PM): why can't I just deal with my own junk
(4:17:49 PM): in my own way
(4:17:53 PM): you're not the one going to school
(4:17:53 PM): I am
(4:17:58 PM): you're not being affected at all by what I am doing
(4:18:03 PM): in the way I do things that have to do with schoolwork
(4:18:17 PM): if you were being affected by it, too, then I'd say it's alright
(4:18:20 PM): but you are not being affected
(4:18:24 PM): you already have your job and your stuff

He has a short fuse, whenever things don't go his way. He is never accountable, everything is everyone else's fault and he has yet to say sorry to me about anything. He acts the same way with his girlfriend but he at least says sorry when they fight. He is respectful to all other adults and authority. He says things like "you know how to push my buttons" "You must like seeing me lash out" "watch what happens" One time I took his ipod away and he called me useless, stupid, meaningless. When he gets mad it's like he's a completely different person. He hates school because it makes him work harder than he wants to. He never says sorry or admits to being wrong about anything. Those things hurt and all of this is breaking my heart. I want to be strong and deal with this.

My Out-of-Control Teen

The child appears numb and could care less...

I have a soon to be step son who will be 15 on May 2 and is making me rethink my whole marriage to the man I love, his dad.

I don't want to be a mom to this child. He has a mom, a very dysfunctional one. I don't have the patience to deal with the child that we believe to have ODD. He is medicated for ADHD. I am overly stressed and in pain from the tense nerves I have dealing with the situation. I have my own 16 year old son that I have had only periodic growing pains with. They've been surmountable compared to this.

I would like to know what consequences you might recommend for the endless disobedient behaviors he has while being grounded. His dad tells him not to "do it again." But, there is no "or else" to follow through on. We don't have anything left to take away. Also, since we both work, we have a difficult time enforcing his "stay at home" grounding. He's been caught several times leaving the yard and we have nothing else to take away from him or impose on him as we can be around to monitor the job completion. The child appears numb and could care less.

My Out-of-Control Child