Online Parent Support Chat

30.9.08

Daughter Obsessed with Boys

My 15 year old daughter is driving me crazy! She is obsessed with boys. I let her go to a football game friday at school with her cousin and when it was time to leave she was no where to be found!! She doesn't think it is a big deal. She is very angry and defiant. Earlier this morning she asked to stay afterschool for drill team. I told her no because she was grounded. Now just a few minutes ago she called as said that she had After School Detention??? I have contacted the school?????

My Out-of-Control Teen

Teen & Alcohol Abuse

At wits end. 18 yr old son has had several encounters with alcohol 1 with us during the summer came home ripped and now was breathalized at school dance and had had a shot of something we were called to pick up and had to go before school adm his punishment was 1 expelled day and 30 day in school detention which means he goes to school but is off campus. His car is not running so we cannot take that away and dont feel to compelled to get fixed. When he turned 18 he totally went nuts. Help.

My Out-of-Control Teen

She is a door slammer...

I have 13 year old Daugther only child. My husband and i have had her in therapy for 2 years. Its not working. SHe is a door slammer if she doesnt like what you say she runs upstairs and slams her door LOUDLY. She is disrepectful, nasty mouth etc. We have tried taking away computer, cell phone etc. and nothing works. I am tired of her therapist she is useless. I want my happy child back. Its just the last two years have been hell. Every vacation we go on she ruins to the point where we dont want to go anymore, even when we let her bring a friend.

My Out-of-Control Teen

29.9.08

School Refusal

hi my name is teresa, iam a single mum living in the united kingdom england. i have a 13yr old son who will not go to school. i have tried home educating but that did not work. my son finds learning very boring he has no motivation to get up in the mornings . his attendance is 48% which is very poor . he is a bright child he has not fell behind with any of his work considering the amount of time off he has had. education welfare are considering taking me to court for failing as a parent to get my son to school. i do not know what to do as i have tried rewarding for going to school and depriving him when he does not go to school. i feel i can not physcially get him out of bed i do not know what to do. at first when he wouldnt go to school i thought it might be bullying no bullying then i thought depression but after 1 hour of being out of bed he was as happy as larry , very talkative as soon as i mention school arugments and threats from my son.

My Out-of-Control Teen

28.9.08

Too little - too late?

My oldest son just turned 18 last week. He has yet to get a job and he pretty much quit school as of early this year. (We homeschool by the way).

Yes I've waited too long to deal with this. But now that he is 18 I'm sure he will come back with the idea that he is an adult now so what can we do to get him to do anything. I figure that now he is 18, then I have the legal right to kick him out of the house (the extreme) if he doesn't follow the rules of the house. And if he says, "Have fun trying", then I can probably have him legally removed, right?

I know the above sounds bad, but I have to have him make decisions for his future. Is he going to college or not? If not then he definitely needs to get a job. And he needs to get his GED in either case. For his birthday this year all he wanted was a round trip to Milwaukee to see his girlfriend. The girl's parents were in agreement to this. I was hesitant but he has a good attitude toward the opposite sex and treats them very well. We told him that when he got back he will need to get a job and his GED and his driver's license. He said OK.

He just got back Thursday so I'm planning to talk to him about all of this this weekend.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Signs of a slight dual personality?

Do to insurance problems with my work and his medical assistance being canceled, this has set us back in his treatment program but that has just been resolved. Larry now has a new Dr. and she says in all her years she's not not seen any one like Larry with all of the problems that he shows and is going to try a different strategy other than treatment for ADHD, ODD and PDD. She says she has seen signs of a slight dual personality, he can be talking negatively one moment and then talk about a complete different topic normally as if nothing was ever said about the other, and then immediately go back to the other, with anger.

My Out-of-Control Teen

26.9.08

It's killing me every day!

I have a 16 year old. I also have a 15 year old. My 16 year old left home and went to live with his father. He got suspended from school yesterday. He has much more freedom there, unsupervised. His myspace says that he's feeling "high" today but he has blocked me out. He has been caught hacking. I had him home the first week of school and made it a routine to do homework after school, before and after dinner. I bought him all of his clothing and school supplies. I take him driving with his permit. I bought him and insured it, a 2003 Haundai and was giving it to him for Christmas. He didn't want to work so I made him volunteer at the county library. He gets good grades and has an hight IQ. He has a processing disorder and a speech impediment. I give him everything and I am an excessive over indulger. He stated he got angry with me because I yelled at him after asking him several times to try on his $500 worth of school clothing from the local sports store. He packed his stuff and attempted to "hitchhike" to his father who lives 30 miles away. I finally went and picked him up and drove him to his father's for safety reasons. He came on once for his library job in the 2nd week he's been gone and afterwards asked to speak with me alone, so we went into my bedroom and he accused me of "stealing a bottle of wine, from his father's house", breaking and entering. After that he chose that he will live with his dad. It's killing me every day! I run a 4 story high income assisted living facility and I'm started to have problems there also. We started therapy last week and have another appointment on the 30th. His father is demanding that he goes.

My Out-of-Control Teen

She just has no regard for the rules and boundaries that we have set for her...

My 16 year old daughter behaves badly. She just has no regard for the rules and boundaries that we have set for her. It's school holidays in Australia and she is out everyday. I told her that I had no issue with her going out and enjoying her holidays but in return I ask her to let me know when she goes out and when we should expect her back. She walks out whenever she feels like without telling us and comes home very late at night usually after 1 am. She often asks me for money and I usually say that I'm happy to give her some but I ask for her to be considerate and inform us of her comings and goings as well as completing her chores before she goes. She then usually just walks out without getting any money. I've told her that I refuse to reward her for bad behaviour. We don't get the profanity as much only because she doesn't talk to any of us much anymore.

It was my birthday a couple of days ago and she didn't come home for that. I called her and told her that I would really like her to come home for a family dinner which my son had cooked and she said that she was out with her friends and won't be coming back for it. I told her that I felt very hurt by that and thought that she would make an effort because it was my birthday and was told to "get over it".

This afternoon I saw her throw a cigarette butt in the garden. I've told her many times that there is to be no smoking on our property but she has no regard for that rule either. She told me point blank, I'm going to keep doing it and you can't do a thing about it. I told her that she had to pick the butt up before she goes out, which of course she didn't do.

Grounding doesn't work. She scoffs at it and has never completed it. In fact she laughs and sometimes says, why don't you ground me again. The sitting down together for dinner doesn't happen but my husband, son and I still do it.

I refuse to give up on her. I feel that she now behaves and talks badly to us because it's become a habit. I've heard her talk to her friends on the phone and she is her usual self. We can't figure out why she is so hostile towards us. I told her the other day that if we were a dysfunctional family or something traumatic had happened, then we could understand the acting out and bad behaviour, but in this case, nothing has happened and for the last 2 years, our lives have been hell because of her. Her 19 year old brother has lost all respect for her. He is the total opposite of her, has a heart of gold and is very caring and considerate.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

My husband and my son fight all the time...

Hi, my name is Donna and I have an 18 year old living here at home a senior and he's out of control. He has a good heart but he has so much anger built up that my husband and I just don't know what else to do. It's like he expects us to do everything for him, like we owe him. He gets mad if he doesn't get his way, etc. He got a warning yesterday by a police officer (luckily we know this officer). He was warned about speeding (75 - 80mph). My son has told me that he just don't care anymore. I explained to him that it wasn't just himself he should worry about that he could of killed someone else or maybe his sister and her two children were on the road and he hit them. I asked him if he could live with that the rest of his life. He said it was a mistake and he wouldn't do it again. I told him it only takes one mistake to screw up his whole life. My husband and my son fight all the time. Which isn't good. My husband doesn't know how to talk to him without yelling and calling him names. I doubt there is any hope or help for him and for this I am truly sorry. I've asked him about going to counseling but he refuses. I have anxiety attacks frequently and have to take xanaxs. I don't know if this or my work or maybe both are causing this but it has to stop.

My Out-of-Control Teen

25.9.08

His mother is nowhere to be found and he is P____d off...

My challenge is: my husband and I are the legal guardians of my 14 year old grandson, who will be 15 next Monday the 29th. He is presently in the hall for a 30 day stay. We raised him from age 5 to 13 at which time he went to live with his mother. He had regular every other week visits with her and it took 4 days to undo the damage she caused on those visits. When he was living with her, he was abusive and argumentative with her, teachers, etc. He was expelled from school in Nov. 2007 for an assault on another student. (he threw his urine from a water bottle on another boy). He got into a lot of legal trouble and spent a lot of time with no supervision from his mother and ran free. He went to the hall 2 times for short stays and in April 2007 was there for 30 days. His P.O. and social services called us and begged us to take him back as they felt it was the best place for him. Soooo we did, and became his legal guardians again. The first 3 days we had a very grateful kid. Ever since then it has been WW3.


We have two weeks to make a decision weather to accept him back in our home. The judge made him a ward of the court on Sept. 9. and has made the statement the last 3 court visits that he does not want to give up on him. I am learning a lot from the first lessons in your program. I really like the fact that you are a probation officer.

His mother is nowhere to be found and he is P____d off that his mother never visited him in the hall before we got him.


He also tested dirty last Friday.


My Out-of-Control Grandson

He does not listen to what we say and thinks that he can do what he wants...

My name is Joel Morffi and I live in Roseville, Ca w/ my girlfriend Melanie Reese and her 2 children Gabe(11) and Isabel(9).

Melanie and I have been together for almost 2yrs now and I have known the kids for about 1.5yrs. We are having a great deal of problems w/ Gabe. He does not listen to what we say and thinks that he can do what he wants. He will usually start yelling frantically and even strike at us. His mother is very passive but I have a temper and dont put up w/ it. It's almost like he is bi-polar.

We need help. Tonight his mother told him to get in the shower and he wanted to eat, he said that he wasn't gonna do that that he was gonna do what he wants and that he was gonna eat and then take a shower. After 45min of being home and doing nothing his mother told him that it was time for bed. He went to the kitchen and told her that he was eating. She sent him to his room after he threw a fit. When I got home he was lying in his doorway w/ a blanket on him. I asked him if he had showered and he didn't respond so I took the blanket off of him and he started yelling and kicking and screaming so I lifted him up by the the arm and started walking him to the shower when he started punching me and kicking me. I then held him on the floor so he couln't hit me and started talking to him. Asking him what the problem was and why he was upset and he didn't answer me, so I started telling him that he can't act like this because he has everything that a little boy could think of. He goes to a great school, has all the toys, plays football, never starves and lives in a nice place, plus we take great care of him. I think went to get him up and he freaked out again, so we put him in the shower and he proceeded to yell and scream so his mother came in the shower. He then started to yell and scream and kick again, so I came back in and went to lift him up to take him to his room when he started cursing and kicking and screaming again, so I spanked him twice on his butt. He then got up and started yelling again and cursing at his mother so she slapped him in the side of the mouth(Not very hard) then we put him in his room and he went to bed. I then went in his room later to talk to him about the whole thing and started yelling and screaming again so I left.

I have a feeling that he was upset about his father because he is not around, or at least only when he wants to be. The kids haven't talked to him in about a month. They have tried to text and call him and nothing. We had mediation the other day to get full custody of the children so we can try to help Gabe and take him to see a psychiatrist but we couldn't because we only have 85% custody of him. He didn't even show up to the hearing or answered his phone.

I don't know if this is it because he doesn't always have problems, just when he does he really freaks out like a crazy person.

We don't know what to do and we really need help. I don't think that we make the situations any better because his mother his very passive and I get angry w/ him and we argue back and forth like children and then he will get physical. I know that arguing w/ him is not the thing to do but I feel that he should be spanked because that's the way that I was raised and I feel that it worked but I can't do that w/ him because he is not my son. I only spank him when he hits me.( In the 1.5yrs of being his guardian I have only spanked him twice and it sucks, I feel guilty and bad for him, it's the worst feeling)

My Out-of-Control Child

24.9.08

He’s defiant...

I have a 16 year old step son, who has been back & forth between his natural parents several times. He’s defiant, tries to tell his parents what he’s going to do, is not responsible for anything that makes him behave badly. He’s not a bad kid, my husband keeps him on a fairly short leash as he was experimenting with drugs and alcohol at his mother’s home. He is not in trouble with the law, but is disrespectful to all of his parenting figures, and female teachers. He’s good as gold at other people’s homes. My husband is at the end of his rope. We’re having the child evaluated for a learning disability or ADHD right now.

My Out-of-Control Teen

23.9.08

My 16 year old son has refused to live at home for the last 3 months...

My 16 year old son has refused to live at home for the last 3 months. He would rather live at his friends house (where there is little discipline and few house rules).

He is making no contact with us, and appears to be happy.

We have asked his friends parents not to let him stay there as we have lost all control over him. They however say that they are doing a good thing by keeping him Off the streets. The police will not get involved because he is 16 and not considered to be in danger.

He is not at home causing problems - so it is not the usual scenario.

My Out-of-Control Teen

19.9.08

Are we fighting a battle that can't be won?

My daughter has started smoking and we (her parents) are very much against this. We will do whatever it takes to get her to stop. Today I am having to tell her job that she can no longer work there b/c we have now three different episodes that say she is smoking. She tells me that she is leaving home at 17 (Birthday 04/24/92) and that she hates us. Each day is so stressful. We have tried to get her to help around the house (like she used to) , to do some things with us (like riding ATV's, going to the lake) and she never wants to be around us b/c she can't smoke.

Are we fighting a battle that can't be won? Does your book focus on these types of issues? I am at my wit's end with her. I so much wish she could go back to being the sweet little 12 year old or smaller that used to live in my house. Now sometimes I don't think I know her at all. She twists my words around to where she wants them. Her cell phone is her main focus. We have taken it away as well as the internet and land line. She has no communication with anyone except at school and work. And the work is about to end.

My Out-of-Control Teen

18.9.08

I want so bad to know what to do to save my son...

I want so bad to know what to do to save my son. I have no money no job I have lost everything and will loose my home next if I do not get him in some kind of program. I can not work I am always trying to fix him and nothing so far has helped as soon as I think its over it pops up again. Yes I feel like a looser the worst parent who ever lived I just need a clue and help I do not want the police to kill him or him to get so much meds that he is turned to a veg.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Looking forward to my new journey with the kidz!!

hi mark

looking forward to my new journey with the kidz!! have been calm and proactive about dealing with issues as they arise and the girls sense that things are different.

had opportunity to get other help for the girls to speak with someone as suggested by school nurse however my x was not of the same view, unfortunately he has had some counselling himself with me when we were under going marriage guidance help, but didn't want the help. i do feel like i'm on my own with this anyway now at least i can use the tools you are providing me

be in touch

kind regards

My husband and i parent very differently...

I have 2 kids, a boy almost 16 and a daughter just 14.i recently started my daughter in therapy. we all did some family therapy last year; my husband attended 2 sessions out of say 8-10. i felt as if our kids were just not being kind and accepting of one another. the judement, the discord, the frustration etc. come to find out my son was being bullied at school for over a year,so when he came home he dogged on his sister...pecking order. the bullying has stopped as my husband and i intervened at school.

my daughter has discovered boys,makeup and hair.her grades have dropped each marking period for the past 3 quarters.she has a hard time keeping friends for too long. she got into a lot of trouble with the Internet and cell phone over the holidays. it is just too much for her to manage at her age. unfortunately she has made some poor decisions and her reputation at school has taken a small beating. her not making the modified basketball in oct/nov was a blow to her psyke. she had made the team last year.

my husband and i parent very differently, so much so that it is causing a lot of marital problems.for example, i wanted my husband to express to my daughter that her clevege showing is not appropriate at school or for that matter any location other than the beach at her age, he responds by saying this is the way kids dress today, she is trying to fit in.like i don't know this??

lastly, her whole body image obsession is also an area of concern. i was bulemic for many years.i try to impress upon her the importance of health not being thin. i teach fitness part time and my husband is a recreational tri athlete when he can get in the game. my husband has come a long way, but still likes to drink a glass or 2 of wine a few nights a week.

how damaging is mine and my husbands lack of symetry in parenting to my daughter and for that matter our son?
my son's biggest hurdle right now is that he can't stop picking his face and body, but he is devilishly handsome. he runs track and cross country and is prone to acne.

we all have something!

how can i get to my daughter who is so disrespectful to me to be an obidient child who cares also about what is going on in her home and not just about her world?

i recently enrolled her in vioce lessons to build her esteem, she likes it!

they are my world and i am just trying to help them make better choices than i did.

We've spent over $900 in one-on-one counseling for him which proved fruitless...

We have a few concerns with our son that you didn't touch on...he has come to a point where he can lie to our faces and even produce tears on a dime...we spend countless hours worrying that he hasn't found an appropriate pastime to fill his idle hours (he just doesn't have any interest in hobbies, athletics, music or a decent group of friends like his sister) and the same amount of time worrying about his preoccupation with pornographic materials. I understand that adolescent boys will be fascinated with things of that nature, but he's only 11 years old and has tried repeatedly to circumvent me and his father to gain access to adult materials. We've had the sex talk with him. He understands the semantics of reproduction but even after we blocked all the channels on cable that showed adult content and password-protected the computer we'll see on the browser he's tried to do searches for graphic imaging.

Help! We've spent over $900 in one-on-one counseling for him which proved fruitless.

My Out-of-Control Child

I'm at my wits end...

Im a single mum of 5 kids aged 13 to 5 months, caleb, my 11yr old son is so out of control that i had to call the police this morning as he was threatening me and throwing things through my front windows smashing them. i felt bad about calling the police but with the other kids there i didnt know what else to do. i have no family near me at all only a very very good friend whom im borrowing this computer to try ang get some help. im at my wits end and sometimes fear for my other kids safety. please i need help!!!

My Out-of-Control Child

17.9.08

We can't make it through another day without some support...

My 10 year old son has been acting out for a few years now, progressively getting worse. My husband and I have went through every excuse in the book and finally came to the realization that even if it *is a phase* we can't make it through another day without some support.

Today the principal called and my son hurt another child, at first in defense supposedly, but the second time just to hurt him, and I was embarrassed, shocked, appalled and disappointed...in myself as a parent. Because apparently I haven't been doing my son right by allowing this behavior in the first place.

Looking forward to some resolve and peace at home.

My Out-of-Control Child

I am trying to set more limits and be firm but feel I'm not doing it effectively...

We have an 8 yr old son who has always been very sweet and well behaved but he does have alot of energy and can be anxious. He has had night terrors since he was 2 yrs old, he was a colicky baby and he now is wetting his bed and ends up coming into our bed every nite by 2am. In the last year and most noticeably in the last 3 months he has been increasingly rude and annoyed with me. He will say "MOM..just leave me alone..can you just stop bugging me and give me some peace.. quit bugging me" or he will talk in a way that is disrespectful. My husband and I have gone thru some bad times and I thought he was mirroring how he will see my husband speak to me but now that my husband and I have noticed it and are in couple's therapy we are trying to be more aware and respectful to each other. How can we blame him if this is what he sees? we must change first.

But despite saying things like B you may not speak to Mom that way. Or ...I know I may be annoying you and Im sorry but you cant' speak that way or there will be consequences.. We have taken away his precious Pokemon cards but only for a day and says if he has good behavior he may earn them back..etc. He also can be loving and sweet and at nite he will hug me and tell me he loves me. It's like he is already a teenager..he feels embarrassed in front of his friends with me. "why do you have to say hi to everyone..MOMMMM can you just please stop talking..you're driving me crazy..you're sooo annoying...jeesh..just leave me alone:.

He has been a top student and received the highest marks in all his classes last year for 2nd grade..but I'm already seeing the beginning of his being defiant..also trying to do everything quickly..etc.. He can be great and he is a great kid..it's just this behavior is something I feel has already gone on too long and I'd like to nip it in the bud..is your class/book appropriate for him..He has gotten physical in a negative way with his sister and a younger kid at Aftercare one day. His Aftercare teachers were shocked that he displayed this kind of behavior..Help..what is happening to our son? I am trying to set more limits and be firm but feel I'm not doing it effectively.

My Out-of-Control Child

12.9.08

I am struggling with my 15 year old daughter...

I am struggling with my 15 year old daughter. I had very little trouble until the last year. She has 2 friends(1 is her cousin) that she has had for years. B. the other friend has been involved in several things that alarm me. She was sneaking out her window at 13 to meet a boy that she now says raped her. Her next boy friend at 14,was a boy from another town that her parents would drive her back and forth to meet. This ended in an altercation with the boy and B. slashed her arm and ended up in the psych unit. They discovered at that time that she is a cutter. She has been taking anti-depressants for a few years. This mother has made her home a haven to all these kids. The boy friend had a restraining order, but she was allowed to go back to him. All of this at 14! She now is dating an 18 year old boy who has graduated. My neice and she have been caught smoking, smoking pot , drinking, shop lifting and B.is sexually active. My daughter is obsessed with being their friend and going to!

this girl's home. We have had 2 parent meetings. My brother is finally on board, but his wife and the other mother continue to enable the behavior.

This mother wants our daughters their to emotionally support her daughter. My home is a battlefield and my teen obviously doesn't see the harm in all this behavior. I have been painted as the bad guy and both mothers support this thinking.I hear on a daily basis how much "everyone" hates me. I do not think my daughter has completely crossed the line,but has probably dabbled in some of this. This is because I have said no to most of the freedoms the others have. You can imagine how much she resents me.

I am a single mother with little if any support from their father. I have an out of control 18 year old and a pretty well adjusted 13 year old. I truly believe my daughter is not like these other girls, but because she is shy, she believes these are her only friends.

I have told her she may not go to B.'s house and if she wants to be her friend(which I do not want)they must come here.She said no one will come here because they all hate me. I truly have never said an unkind thing to them. But I do say NO!

I feel as if I am loosing her.

My Out-of-Control Teen

9.9.08

MY partner and I have gotten into numerous arguments...

Hi Mark,

My name is Erica, I just recently purchased your product, I have gone through some of the information which I am have very helpful. Not feeling so alone, and feeling a bit of validation on my step-son's behaviour. Let me set up the situation first and then I am hoping you will be able to help me to better approach the situation then I have been;

My partner and I have been together two years, we are expecting a child, and miscarried last year. I have three daughters born to me, 15, 7, and 3. My partner has a 10 year old son to which he holds full custody. I have joint custody of my eldest daughter and full of the two younger ones, they have different fathers. I am 41 and my partner is 29. My stepson Jaylee's mother is very inconsistent in his life, she comes in and out as she pleases, and when she does she spends her two hour visitations shopping and buying him anything he wants. My partner was in a very toxic relationship prior to ours, and to my understanding she was "mean" to the boy. However, I only have one side of the story. My partner had spent 5 years with her.

Prior to me moving in i made it very clear to my partner, Jamie, that I do not raise my daughters the way he raised his son e.g. playing video games for hours on end, watching tv, or laying around doing nothing and being paid to do household chores.

I have spent the last two years stressed out!!!! The boy has lied about me, he tried to physically push me, he argues back with me, he has tried to hurt the younger children - "accidently" dropped the 3 year from the top bunk, and tried to get her to put her hand in scolding hot water. After the second incident I made it very clear that this kind of behaviour would not be tolerated. It hasnt happened since. The boy has had some improvement since I moved in, yet my days are filled often times filled with constantly telling him the same things over and over. For lying he has to do math pages we jus started this, the first day he got 10 extra math pages. His favourite words are I cant do it, and then cries incessantly. I give him 5 minutes to cry then he is to finish his work, which he does, and i know he knows it isnt going to work but he is so used to doing it that it happens automatically it seems. I have tried ignoring his behaviours and jus sending him to his father but his father does NOTHING, and if he does do something its so over the top that I dont understand why I sent him to him.

I know I am not a bad parent but I feel as though the child is winning and my will is being weakened. My daughters get disciplined for things they learned from him. He answers every question not directed at him, he speaks for every person in the house, or so he thinks, everyday he is told "not talking to you jaylee" EVERYDAY!!!! He consistently tries to make decisions for himself and my girls. None of these behaviours are encouraged, consequences are given, and yet he persists, when I have to go away he does as he pleases, and whines to his father about having to do things that he cant. He still has to do them, but after two years he still uses the same techniques, he asks obvious questions, he tries to kiss butt when he is being ignored, he thinks compliments will get him out of trouble, which with me it doesnt, it in fact gets him completely ignored.

The principal of his school has encouraged me to continue whatever it is that I have been doing because he seems more secure, and his program was modified for the better a year after I moved in, his teacher felt the need to tell me first because she wanted to encourage me to continue. MY partner and I have gotten into numerous arguments over what is or is not being done for him. I try very hard not to lay blame, yet I get so frustrated that I end up taking out all my frustration at whichever one is closest, my partner or his son. My partner refuses to see how important it is that consequences take place that are fair for the development and personality stages of the children, and he thinks I should punish my 3 year old the same as i would the 10 year old. It doesnt make sense to me.

I am sure you get many emails of this sort, but as i started to do your quiz it occured to me that, I am not an over-indulgent parent, I didnt parent the boy and my girls do not display the characteristics. They are polite, well-mannered and have friends. However, it seems to me that I am going to become this over-indulgent parent if I dont get hold of this soon. I believe my partner and the boys mother have been the over-indulgent ones, how do I deal with this, so as to not lose my sanity or my relationship? I have often thought of leaving my partner because of this issue.

Thank you. I am not on my high horse as my partner would imply, my issues comes after two years of observation and experience with the boy, and 15 years of parenting. And no I am not a perfect parent and have made many mistakes with my children. Every time I try to speak to my partner about it, i get the ``you are no better`` speech. So if i seem defensive i suppose this is why.

My Out-of-Control Teen

She is drinking smoking pot...

I am in despered need of help with my daughter she is 13 turning 14 in november 21 . my heart is breaking I am lossing my little girl . I am teriffed she is cutting herself and has been for a while she stopped for a little while because I starting checking her. I just seen news marks and I am so scared . She is drinking smoking pot , she is out of control she will not listen to me takes off for hours till I find her I love my daughter she is my world please help me I myself struggled with alcohol and drugs and do not want my daughter to loss what I have to that world and we need to deal with things that happen in the past so we can have a much brighter future and she can have a life full of sucees and be proud of what she has done with her life .

My Out-of-Control Teen

I found out that my daughters had their boyfriend in their room...

I found out that my daughters had their boyfriend in their room and i was so upset. even i talk to them in a nice way and explain that what their doing is wrong, has no effect and decided to leave the house that night with their boyfriend and later found out that they have their friends as well hiding in the closet. in short they decided to leave the house together with their friends and told me that they're leaving and giving me space and peace for few days. I told my husband and on his way home from work he saw them on the street and speak to them convincing to come back home. but my husband told me me that they are determined with their words and looks very happy with their boyfriend. it's been a week now and has not return home yet, and I am in and out of the hospital because I am bleeding, me and my husband are working out to have a second baby, and suspecting that I had a miscarriage. I am so depressed and stress at te moment and dont know what to do coz my daughter has been away for school for few days now.

My Out-of-Control Teen

Hanging with a problem group...

Having real trouble with my 17 year old since xmas .he has been hanging with a problem group of kids younger than him and 2 weeks ago took a mobile phone from a boy and punched him so now we have to go to the police for a talk and some consequences.he was never any trouble until this year . I have told him to find more sensible friends and his reply is theres nothing wrong with them and he can choose his friends. These kids are known to the police . we come from a good family he has always been in sport and doing a trial as a plumber . its causing friction with all our family. My sister said to put him out . my husband has conflict with him he is rude to my husband .calls him loser .he is setting a bad example to my 16 year old and I don’t know what to do any more. I’m hoping the police are going to give him a curfew and restriction on places to go but that’s only short term. He is on adhd medication since he was 7 but only a very small dose but is extremely sensitive to artificial colours and since earning his own money he spends it on red bull and other types of drinks and has been drinking. Help

My Out-of-Control Teen

Nothing has helped her or us...

I am seperated 11 years. Married after 3 years by myself with my two children, then age 3 and 1. My daughter has always been hard work, very confident and yet sensitive. She has taken the seperation hard all these years and not really accepted my husband. She worships the ground her Father walks on and for years I encouraged them both to see him regularly. Over the years my daughter has become violent and head strong. Jealous of her brother and evil with her words against him. I won't go into the details of what she says as it is too awful to write down. My son has been affected by this a great deal.
Over the past 6 months my daughter has become worse. Hurting me and actually drawing blood on a couple of occasions. She has lost her close relationship wth her Father which has in turn made her behaviour worsen over the past month. He said he doestn't want to see her unless she is good....she is a teenager not a dog! This has hurt her deeply.
I just learned today on her refusal to go to school that she has been self harming and she putting this down to the arguments that we have and her hatred of me. I am worried sick and in the UK there just isn't the support for parents who care about their children. Unless your child acts this way in school or in a public place or is in the hands of social care there just isn't any help. I have informed the school on her refusal to go in and they are going to call me back regarding this but other than that I have no one else to turn to.
I do blame myself for a lot of the behaviour as I do not ask anything of my children other than they keep their rooms tidy, are good in school and do their homework when asked. Everyday there is an issue with my daughter. One thing or another. Her room is always a mess unless I do it, although she did do it the other day and I praised her up for that as I was so happy she had done it. I support her in everything she does, school, concerts, friends sleepovers etc. We run around for her so she is safe and we know where she is but we also give her the independence that she needs by letting her take public transport to some of the places she wants to go to and all I ask in return is a call to say she is safe. My daughter says I am too controlling. I don't let her drink or smoke, all the usual things that get thrown at parents. I totally understand her thinking but I don't understand why she hates me this way.
The atmosphere in the house is so bad and so sad and not a happy place at all and I love my children so very much. I really only wanted to have a happy family life, nothing more and I have tried so hard to support and nurture them but it is backfiring on me and it hurts so much. I don't know what to do to help my daughter. We have been to councelling on several occasions and also participated in 'journey' work. Nothing has helped her or us.

My Out-of-Control Teen

7.9.08

Our problem is drinking and possible marijuana use. ..

We have twin boys, almost 17. We have had an eye opening summer! Our problem is drinking and possible marijuana use. The boys refuse to stop drinking beer at our house on the weekends. I don't know where they are getting it. They threaten to drink somewhere else if they can't do it here.

We have bought at home test kits for marijuana but have not used them yet. What do we do if they test positive?

They each have a vehicle and one has a job, the other is looking for one. So far, no problems at school. They like to just "hang out" in town, usually congregating in a parking lot after school and on the weekend nights. This really concerns us because we can't monitor their behavior.

My Out-of-Control Teen

6.9.08

He is a beautiful boy until told to do something he doesn't like...

I am a divorced mum living in Australia with 2 of my 3 boys. My youngest has just come home to live with me again as his father can not handle him or his behaviour. I have lived apart from the boys for the past 3 years and in that time a lot of changes have taken place as you can probably imagine. I am delighted to have my eldest and youngest with me however I am struggling to get some form of discipline back with my youngest.

He is a beautiful boy until told to do something he doesn't like then the conflicts start to the point of his 18 year old brother getting involved and things becoming physical between both the boys
and Zac and myself. I have been told by his school principal that if we don't get a lid on the behaviour he is heading for delinquency. I don't know what to do next he is to big to put over my
knee and sending him to his room won't work anymore.

Tonight I got a 4 am call from his father that he was on his way to the nearest town, 15 kilometres away to pick Zac up as he had left the house while I slept even though I went to bed in the room next door to him just in case he tried something like this.

My Out-of-Control Teen

I'm telling you that you are acting like a bitch...

I just told my daughter that "when someone talks to me in that tone, I feel hurt and I want to stop you from being so disrespectful." Then she says " I hate you, I'm not going to listen. " And then I don't know how to manage consequences that make sense, and will help rather than fuel the fires. She says "I'm not rude, I'm telling you that you are acting like a bitch." She is 14 years old in November.

Online Parent Support

4.9.08

She won’t take the medicine the Doctor put her on...

My daughter Jessica has already thrown a bomb. She is 15 years old, has been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder and severe depression, and just started high school. Her case manager just updated me on Jessica’s lack of performance in school. She doesn’t want to do her assignments in study class (I have an IEP set up for her, so she has a case manager and extra help if she needs it), preferring to do the homework at home, but then doesn’t do it at home. She also doesn’t get along with my husband (her father and I are divorced, and both of us just recently remarried other people); my daughter hates my husband and can be extremely belligerent to him. I am looking for an adult to stay with her after school until I get home, but until then, she usually stays with a friend. Of course today, she’s at home with my husband (I am at work), but I am extremely concerned with this situation. My daughter has no problem yelling at my husband, and if she loses her temper she gets verbally abusive. My husband is not a quiet person and can exasperate the situation, but I don’t know how I can “control” this, even if I were at home. I apologize for the rambling, but I honestly don’t know how to handle these two situations. My husband insists I send her to her father, but when she lived with him last year for a quarter, nothing was resolved, and her father doesn’t think Jessica has any problems, that it just must be I and my husband. I do have her in therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, but she won’t take the medicine the Doctor put her on.

My Out-of-Control Teen

1.9.08

I'm getting tired of the struggle...

Our boys are adopted (they are half brothers, too) and we home school. David is going to be 18 this month. Jared just turned 13. Our concern is with Jared.
I'm getting tired of the struggle. I'm not sure what to do other than grounding for these behaviour problems. I work from home (I am a software developer) so I'm here to overlook things 24 hours per day.
A couple of times in the past week he has been grounded but has ran out of the house anyway. When he comes back (in about an hour) he just says he went for a walk. One time was during school hours so I know he didn't go to his friend's house because his friend wasn't home. I wouldn't be able to catch him. I'm 52. And even if I did, what would I do? I've thought about calling the police department and informing them. Maybe if they picked him up and brought him home that would put a scare into him to not do this any more.
I'm planning on seeing another counselor this week.
Other things he does in regards to the ODD: He makes noises or has his headphones up too loud disturbing others, and sometimes you can tell it is intentional. He does have a hard time sitting still. He is always leaning back in his chair and we constantly have to tell him to put it down before he breaks it. It will get up and prance thru the house once in awhile slapping the tops of the door frames (sounds more like ADHD here). He can be irritating but we have always just took that as "that's Jared" and sort of shrugged it off.

My Out-of-Control Teen

She comes across arrogant and thoughtless...

I have a nine year old daughter. From her very first birthday where she managed to make everyone at her party cry due to being over powering and possessive of her toys, I have had nothing but heart ache trying to bring her up to be happy and well adjusted. My life have been filled worrying about so many things – allergies, bedwetting, encopresis, audio processing delay (mild), flat feet; weight gain…the list goes on. I have addressed many of these issues and after a recent visit from my mum-she very tactfully made me aware that I am doing her no favours. After a good cry and candid self reflection, I realized that I needed help to help my daughter.

A brief history--

My daughter is the youngest of 3 girls. Her older sisters are 13 & 16 and have no issues. They are well mannered and excel at school and in their personal lives. From a very early age ‘J’ has not been able to socialise peacefully with other children. She makes friends easily and quickly but is so possessive that problems arise due to intenseness and lack of awareness of those around her. ‘J’ is attracted to certain children but then manages to alienate others near by as she seems to cut them out and ignore them. She comes across arrogant and thoughtless. The truth is ‘J’ is very caring and I don’t think she sets out to do this. There are always social issues at school and she often sits on her own and plays on her own. As a baby ‘J’ was very sensitive to noise and has always been oppositional. She wears me down and no never means no to her. She can push all day to get what she wants. ‘J’ is not violent and isn’t aggressive now, but she always has issues with us and her siblings and I always feel like I’m on her back – not consistently enough and am either too hard or too lenient (mum’s observations). She can be disrespectful and doesn’t like to help with chores and often doesn’t feel responsible for her actions. Part of her personality is that she asks a lot of questions, many that are obvious and she knows the answer to. It gets very frustrating because she doesn’t think before she speaks….& often says very inappropriate things! More recently ‘J’ has put on weight. It seems to be a boredom thing. She is very active and swims three times a week, plays tee-ball and dances. I think it’s just part of her obsessive personality.

My Out-of-Control Child