Online Parent Support Chat

6.1.09

Is it too late?

My son (only child) recently turned 18 and since then announced, he's 18, he can do what he wants. He's a senior in high school. He should graduate with no problem, however he has been offered a baseball scholarship but may not be admitted to the college if he doesn't improve his grade point average. He had many colleges interested due to his baseball ability but the doors closed once they saw his transcripts. He is capapable of B work but rarely puts the effort in. He has told us if we get off his back his grades will go up. We are taking your advice and removing ourselves from that situation...big relief to all of us.

Since he is 18 will we still be able to follow this plan, or is it too late ?

When we started to talk to him saying we made some mistakes etc, he left the room. He interprets everything we try to say as trying to control him. Should we back off from everything for awhile until things cool down. We told him we had some house rules we expect him to respect, and he wouldn't even listen. He was recently hurt by a couple of relationships with girls and friends, he was supposed to be selected captain of the baseball team, but his coach told him he will keep the spot open but didn't give it to him because he was disrespectful and slow getting ready for practices and games toward the end of the season.The pressure started last season when colleges were sending him letters and scouts watching. He is a pitcher and his team was not great...he felt every game was all on him to win. Until last April he was the happiest kid around, around this same time he was hurt by a girl who he had asked to the Prom. People tell us all the time how very polite, respectful, personable, has tons of friends. Teachers tell me he is their favorite student, but yet in some classes he is disruptive and won't sit still...and just like you said diagnosed w/ ADD just this past fall. He was voted "class flirt" and "class clown". I thought it was kids who don't get attention at home that crave it, but apparently I was wrong. Over the past few months he started to hang around with older kids and we suspected drugs, but all our detective work has proven to be purchasing stereo equip for his car. Car was given to him in April by grandfather who could no longer drive. We originally told him he couldn't get his license until he made the honor roll...the vice principal told me that maybe that was a standard he felt he could not achieve and so maybe he was giving up....we let him his license in April (he was 17 1/2), saying that if his grades or behavior slipped we would take it or car away. We threatened but never followed through, trying to be understanding that he was going through tough times. He began lying and not letting us know where he was. Pierced his ears, looks different, acts different. Found cigarettes and cigars, all these new kids do have reputations of smoking pot.

He acted very defiant over the past couple of weeks because he was on school vacation --he said he will get back on track now that he's back to school. What should our next step be ?

I spoke to a therapist a few week s ago and she said he is trying to break away from us to help him be able to leave for college -- natural part of adolescence. Advised not taking the car away and us backing off. Do you agree? He had a part time job on Friday nights and did not go the past 2 Friday nights. We don't know if we should make him get another job or if this is too much. He is starting to work with a private Coach this week each Wed. on his pitching. He is playing basketball in a town league on Tuesday nights. He also started going to the gym yesterday after school, I heard him ask a friend to go with him but the friend wouldn't go. He didn't go to the gym all vacation because the gym he was going to went bankrupt and closed.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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