Online Parent Support Chat

26.1.09

My daughter decided over Christmas to leave school...

My daughter decided over Christmas to leave school. She is 16 and studying for her A levels. She decided instead to go to college in September. Although I am unhappy with her leaving school we discussed it very calmly (much to her relief) and I said that I would support her decision but that she was not going to be allowed to sit around the house entertaining her friends but would be expected to work and contribute financially and practically to maintaining our home together. I said she would have to leave and live elsewhere if not (perhaps with her dad). I gave her a month to find a job. I have not bought her anything or given her any money in order to reinforce this message (other than food), however, she was given money over christmas. She has frequently demanded money and I have said no consistently in the manner you suggest and she is gradually breaking more and more things in the house and throwing things at me, pushing me around and threatening to hit me. She has made virtually no effort to get a job and in the current climate effort is what is needed. Her dad has now offered to find her voluntary work and pay the at or above the minimum wage depending on what sort of voluntary work it is.

I can't make her do anything let alone something as difficult as getting a job. Should I say you can only live here if you are working and contribute and thus risk having to throw her out? Most of her peers are living like this and some have been thrown out of home for this reason.

Also she is a very angry young woman and is not only verbally and physically abusive with me but also with her boyfriend, even to the point of hitting him and giving him a fat lip!. She has at times resorted to self harming and did ask at one point for me to find her a counsellor. It has taken a few weeks to do so and she is backing off the counsellor idea now though I think it would be so helpful. I have had counsellor call and offer her an appointment but she is reluctant to return the call. How can I support her to do this better without resorting to bribes? Any ideas?

I am at the end of my tether and feel like throwing her out now just so that I can have a life and not dread coming home from work and have to put up with the abuse, damage to the house and my things and the threats. I feel I need a break and it is so tempting to kick her out!

My Out-of-Control Teen

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