Online Parent Support Chat

4.1.09

Our problems stem from my son's learning disabilities...

My husband believes that our problems stem from my son's learning disabilities and how the school system is failing him. My son is 14, in the 8th grade and currently has 7-F's, 2-B's on this last grade sheet. He has an IEP, his diagnosis is "slow learner" with cognitive problems. He is having another evaluation done on the 23rd of this month with a psychologist and psychiatrist, for a complete eval. I am also agreeing with my husband that part of our son's behavior is due to his low self worth, self esteem and how other children constantly remind him of how dumb he is. I don't blame any one person or group of people for our situation. As long as "we" place value on knowledge, high achievement, image, and class, and not values, we will see a rise in crime in our country.

I try to always understand where my son is coming from....at times it is hard because of the mind set I must put myself in to understand how he is processing information. I must say it is hard and challenging most of the time, especially now that he is a teenager and he knows much more about avoidance.

We just recently started seeing a counselor. He told Ep, my son, that he is oppositional. I think most teens are if they haven't learned how to "play" or "manipulate" at a higher level. The counselor is about 57 and seems to see things through humor interaction, which I kinda like. Humor is something that has been real difficult for me in the last 14 years. I am looking into taking a class from our local college on "how to laugh again". I can't say that I never laugh, it is just hard to find the humor when your always looking for a fix.

One of the issues I face is with my son being a slow learner, is that his cognitive thinking is starting to deteriorate and his emotional development is in full swing. This last few days he stayed gone with a 19 year old girl. I plan on approaching her on how this is not an appropriate activity for her or him. I hope to not be a person of "control" but an advisor to their well being. How do you think I should deal with this situation?

His slow learner has also put him in jeopardy of having to deal with the law and being expelled from school. I told his counselor that Ep took a BB-gun to school. He did not take it to hurt anyone, just wanted to take it some ones house after school. It is this kind of non-thinking actions that I worry about. I am afraid to tell the school because they have already labeled him a "bad kid" and so all teachers have sent the word out and they all treat him like he is not there. I have a lawyer. The counselor is suggesting I not go that far. It is a place between a rock and a hard spot for me. I know my son is damaged and we pick up the broken pieces here at home. another words his behavior. My husband wants to send him away. I will not see to that. I am strong and wise enough to know we all make bad choices, just hopefully others will forgive us and we can continue to become the person God intended us to be in his image.

I know the system does not acknowledge slow learners, and so they make no allowance for mistakes in the courts. I just need your advice on how to open his cognitive thinking skills, Should I take him to the prisons, court house to hearings, shelters, and anywhere else for exposure....remember I am talking about a 14 year old who took a weapon to school, and had no idea of the consequence.

We live in the country and the police said that is our safest place. We are not letting him get a driving permit due to the fact he will acknowledge that as a license and drive something to town when he is angry with us. It is very hard very hard to know what to do with him. No one seems to care or understand. Parents appear to be the worst. They criticize us, and tell their children they cannot have anything to do with my son. I understand... we all want to be the best parent for our child.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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