Online Parent Support Chat

14.1.09

She's acting out sexually...

I'm having serious problems with my 12-year-old daughter. Fortunately or unfortunately she is a very beautiful girl and has been acting out sexually. She is tall (5'11") with naturally blond hair, blue eyes, tanned skin and a developed figure. At 12 she looks like a teen super model. This has resulted in a lot of attention from men in their late teens/early 20s who think she is older. She enjoys the male attention a lot but is too young to date, establish healthy boundaries and understand when she is playing with fire. Earlier this year she had been allowed to attend movies with her friends at the mall but unfortunately her best friend (13) met someone online, and invited him to the movies (he was 17). My daughter allowed him to have "a bit of a pash" and things went too far and she was raped this past August. I discovered what happened by accident and we've since gone to the doctors, police, child protection services etc. I thought that was the end of it. Prior to this entire happening she had been having sexual conversations with boys on the Internet and on a back up family mobile phone. When my husband and I discovered this, the phone was deactivated and all of her computer privileges were taken away. (She had been previously warned not to go into chat rooms post photos of herself on the Internet etc.)

When we discovered what had happened to her we found that she was of course very distressed about the rape, happy that we now knew and eager to seek medical screening. We never blamed her for what happened and have given her as much support as we can. We have been trying to teach her how to avoid getting herself into potentially dangerous situations. We have been trying to give her back her computer privileges on the proviso that she doesn't visit inappropriate sites, have illicit conversations, visit chat rooms etc.

But, last night I discovered that even after being raped she has been having extremely illicit sexual conversations over the computer with a local boy. I confronted her about it asked her WHY she was doing this, explained that she was leading him on, reminded her that she'd been raped and how could she possibly keep doing this sort of thing. I reminded her of the life consequences of unprotected / teen sex. She swore that she has never allowed the boy to touch her - and I believe her but she keeps playing with fire, I can't trust her and don't know what to do to protect her from herself. Any suggestions you have would be very welcome - I love my daughter very much, she is a bright beautiful girl with SO much potential and I just want to see her grow up safe and happy.

PS. We have a stable home life happily married for the last 19 years, upper middle class, both parents professionals and work, children in Christian schools. They have never suffered any form of neglect or abuse.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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