Online Parent Support Chat

13.2.09

He has downright refused to do schoolwork in school...

Hello, my name is Kristie Hills. I have a 10 year old (almost 11) son who has been diagnosed with ODD and we have been seeing a Psychologist for about 2 years now. First of all I will give you as short of a history as I can about Will. His father and I were never married. He has gone between our houses since he was six weeks old, spending one week with me and one week with his father. His father and I have always communicated and do our best to do what is right for our son. I have to admit that I was a very indulgent parent until the past three years and have been working hard at braking this cycle. I am on week three (so it has been a total of 5 weeks) of the program. My son has been grounded 85% of the time he has been with me. I am committed to seeing this through. I plan to give his father copies of your program, soon!!!

Will's behavior is disruptive in school and at home, he is defiant and refuses to willingly do anything that he does not want to do. This includes cleaning his room, homework, or just about anything that does not fit in to his plan. So, to make a long story short he is a textbook ODD kid. He can be great at times, and so very challenging at others. I am currently working on a Psychology B.S. and almost every journal review I have done for school has to do with ODD. I have tried to educate myself the best I can on the disorder and how to properly handle the situations he throws at me.

I recently found out that he has been lying to me about homework (again). He is required by his teacher to write down his assignments on a sheet that I (or his father) sign every day. His grades dropped significantly in the second quarter of school, and I have more diligent about checking to see if the homework is done. I have required him to sit at our dinning room table (TV and other distraction turned off) to do his homework. This way I am there if he needs my help and I can observe that he is actually doing his work (I don't know how this is done at his father's house). Together we review his sheet from school to see what needs to be done, this is where the lying is coming into play. He will bring home one or two assignments, and tell me (and I guess his father) that the other ones (if there are other ones) are at school and have been completed. I received an email yesterday from his teacher letting me know that he is again getting behind for the quarter and has been very disruptive in the class room, to the point where he had to eat lunch in the principal's office, and has been sent to another class room to work independently (without an "audience"). He has downright refused to do schoolwork in school, and has been lying to both his father and I about the homework at night.

I don't know if I should ground him after the fact, or set clear rules and start from here. We ride a roller coaster with him. He will be good for months, and then he will be defiant for months. On top of the ODD he has an above average IQ, so he is intelligent in how he manipulates the adults in his life, and we all have to try to be one step ahead of him all the time, which just isn't possible.

My Out-of-Control Child

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