Online Parent Support Chat

11.2.09

His grades have gone in the toilet...

My son is a junior in high school. He has never loved school, is very bright, and easily made As and Bs with little effort taking all honors courses. This year his grades have gone in the toilet. He is a band student (first trumpet), varsity wrestler, and is taking all honors and 3 AP courses. He has decided to not do the work. This quarter he has Ds and Cs. I can't believe I am even saying "just let him get Cs". That is one problem.

My husband's and my relationship with our son is terrible. We are constantly after him. He has a bad attitude and does little around the house. He curses and yells. He tries to shout me down, and is successful. That is another problem.

He got a car last February. He has gotten 2 tickets and had 2 minor accidents. We made him pay for the tickets (he worked during the summer and over Christmas) and he will have to pay the extra insurance if it goes up. The tickets were for an illegal U turn and not coming to a complete stop at a light (there was no traffic on the road - just him and the police) I am telling you this to let you know it was not for speeding or reckless driving. He paid for one minor accident and there was no damage in the other. Another problem.

Basically, the kid is good. Everyone outside the home thinks he is great, except for the grades. He says as soon as he turns 18 he is joining the Army. Of course, we want him to go to college first. I ask him to please go to college first and then join the military, but he says no. He thinks he will go to college in the Army. And, he wants to join the special forces and be a sniper. That he would want to be a sniper makes me sick to my stomach. I can't bear to think that killing another person would be a goal for my son.

Anyway, I don't know what to do. Do I just let him fail and join the Army. Is there a way to help him succeed with the remainder of school? Can we repair our relationship? Will your course help with our problem. Oh and by the way, he hates us. I just tell him my love is unconditional. Even if you hate me, I still love you. And, I truly mean that, but I would love to be loved and respected by him.

PS: My husband was in Vietnam and is completely against our son joining the military. (Of course, he can't prevent this)

My Out-of-Control Teen

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