Online Parent Support Chat

12.2.09

Our daughter has found ways now to not come home on the bus after school...

Our daughter has found ways now to not come home on the bus after school this past week. She is 16 and is getting a ride from other teens who have their license. (She was interested in a time in getting her license but doesn't seem to care about earning that privilege now.) She instead goes over to her boyfriend's house.

He recently dropped out of school so she is now spending after school and weekends at his house. He is 16, does not have his license either. He does not work but tells my daughter he is looking for a job. I've spoken to his mother about my daughter going there and she says she doesn't mind. She says that Taylor helps her with the other 6 boys she has as she is pregnant with another one. There is no father in the picture. His mom even picks her up at school, picks her up from our home on weekends and brings her home. (We offer to take her to his house on the weekends but it is always a "Yes, but..." so that has stopped.) The boyfriend does not want to hang out at our house.

There are also times when my daughter calls us to pick her up as it gets close to curfew and says the mom can't take her home for one or another reason. I know my daughter does this because of the consequence for running away over the summer. The probation department still has not had her to court over it so I imagine they are waiting to see if she has a second offense before they take any further action. So one of us, of course, picks her up and brings her home.

She has an excuse each day as to why she is going there after school. She texts me from a friend's phone. (She does not have a cell phone.) Each night she comes home smelling like cigarettes and she came home high on marijuana once. We are taking each issue one at a time and she is just blowing off the consequences. We've tried to talk to her and set up some perimeters on working on what is going on but to no avail. In fact, it is an issue she won't talk to us calmly about at all. She says she does not like our rules or talking to us about anything. We've maintained our poker faces. We've stayed calm. We've repeated the house rules and issued consequences but are currently at a loss as to what has happened here.

Let me say her grades at school so far are very good. She was working on applying for a job. We had compromised with her previously about the weekends as to be more accepting of the boyfriend.

She has however stopped taking care of herself like she used to. For example, showering every day, getting enough sleep, and eating right. When she wants something from us she can lay on the charm. We've stayed steadfast and focussed on the issues at hand. Since your course, however, we are watchful of the guilt trips and reacting. She no longer does her chores either.

Needless to say we are concerned about what is going on with her and how you thought we could or should approach this.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

No comments: