Online Parent Support Chat

11.2.09

Out-of-Control Daughter

I need to preface this by telling you I know that compared to some my issues are minimal and I am grateful that I have the children I have.

I have an 11 year old daughter who is a good kid for the most part. She gets good grades, good communication skills with her teachers, polite on most occasions etc. The problem we have is when she blows there is no stopping her. I don't know that it is as much her problem as it is mine---the lack of our knowing how to deal with it. She gets mad about something and then there is no shutting her down for a bit..... nobody cares about her, everything we say she puts a spin on and makes it sound terrible, always has to have the last word in, gets very loud, clenches her teeth, says hateful things. ( I know this must sound like every kid in America to you.) The problem is we don't know how to deal with it and I am terribly afraid that if we have these blow ups at 11 then at 15 it will be a problem for her in her ability to have healthy relationships not to mention devastating to ours. Usually within 1 hr she is over it and can talk about it calmly, not to say she will assume any responsibility and if she does it is usually a lot of crying and "it is all my fault"....etc, etc. But it will happen again maybe the next day, next week, next month, you just never know.

I read the information on your website and it talked a lot about troubled teens and although we are not there currently I really want to make sure we are not there in the future. She is a good kid that is bright, beautiful but extremely easily manipulated by others also and I fear that if I have any communication barrier in the home it might cause her to lean in the wrong direction outside the home. I was just wondering if your material covers anything of this nature? Helping her deal with her anger....from an adults perspective who knows how rough she could have it I find myself thinking, "what could you possibly have to be that mad about". Certainly not much in her lavish little lifestyle. Is there something to help us as parents put into perspective how big the issues she is having really are in her mind? I would like to find something that we could all benefit from. We live in a very small community and I have suggested we talk to someone locally but my daughter is actually against that because of the stigma sometimes associated with seeing a counselor.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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