Online Parent Support Chat

17.3.09

My wife thinks I just have to be nice to her...

I discovered your web page when trying to find help with my step-daughters odd. I have read alot about the symptoms and am convinced this is what she has. She is 22 years old and is an alcoholic. She has not grown out of her behaviors but has gotten worse. She had all the behaviors you catalog and now is also violent.

AS her stepfather I believe I am in no position to disipline her. Her mother cannot seem to bring herself to give her consequenses for her behavior. Her mother just tries to keep the peace and would seem to do anything to avoid upsetting her daughter. She is lieing and manipulating our conversations to her mom. She is trying to break us up and is close to succeeding. She has no respect for anybody in the house.

She will fly into a rage for just calling out her name or knocking on her bedroom door and then convince her mom that it was something that I precipitated. Everything is always someone elses fault. The more I try to reason for consequenses for poor behavior the more resistance I get from her mom and then the mom will find fault with my children (her stepchildren). Everybody who knows our situation tells me to just kick her out. I can't do this, it has to come from her mom, and she won't do it, she would trash her marriage first.

Her mom says she would like to kick all the kids out (my 17 year old as well). He is an A student and graduates this year, but gets frustrated a the different treatment and lack of respect he gets from his stepmom and domineering attitude of his stepsister. This daughter is very inteligent and can have a very sweet demeanor if she wants to. Only she rarely shows it at home and can change in an instant. Very unpredictable mood swings. She is ill equipped for the real world.

I am at a loss as to what to do. She resists any guidance or direction from me. And continually causes fights between me and my spouse. My wife has suggested that they would get along great if I were to move out or that maybe they should move out.

Well I don't think this is the answer and would have a confrontation to kick the daughter out first. Also not the answer. My wife thinks I just have to be nice to her. I am convinced that I can be the most influencial and supportive person in her life.However as things are there is no joy in doing anything for her. I guess what I would like to know is does your program work for young adults, or is there anything specific out there tailored to them. I wish I found you 10 years ago.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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