Online Parent Support Chat

6.3.09

She is not a girl I approve of...

It has now become apparent to me that he has been moody since he was 12, 13, when he met this girl called “Billy”. He has always told me that she is his best friend. In the last couple of years I have found a couple of love letters he has written to her but obviously never given to her. I think the love was just on his side. Over the last 2 to 3 years thinking back there have been several occasions where he has come home very upset, angry, moody and then when I have asked him to do something or asked where he was he has become angry and we have had a fight. But he would always tell me, I am in a bad mood and I cannot tell you, I have problems. These problems are because of this girl. Another friend (boy) told me that this girl has arguments with him and then he becomes very moody.

I think she may be causing some problems here. I have always thought this in the past.

Before he came back to the house he told me he loved this girl and she loved him too now. I had been in touch with her over the 2 weeks he was living away from the house. She kept me informed of his movements etc etc, so I got to know her a bit.

Last night I could hear him arguing with her on the phone when he was talking to her for almost 2 hours. She just would not let it go. He then said I have to go out and sort it out and he left the house for 1.5 hours late at night and then came back. I asked if everything was ok and he said its ok for now and he went to bed. I told him I am here to listen if he wanted to talk about it but he said no, its personal, I cannot tell you.

If this girl is influencing him and making his life miserable as he is so upset by what she says to him (vulnerable) his home life and his mood if they are the result of her actions, then it is going to be very difficult for me to carry out my assertive parenting technique if he will be more influenced by her and moody. When he is in this state he does not want to listen to me or reason, just needs clarification or re-assurance from her. She is not a girl I approve of but as you say we cannot control them. How do I deal with the situation with this girl always ready to cloud or ruin any good I am hoping to achieve in his behaviour?

My Out-of-Control Teen

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