Online Parent Support Chat

23.4.09

His rage has caused so much hurt...

My son (16) recently got 'annoyed' at his father and I for asking him to turn down his music. His dad walked into his room, asked him again to turn it down, Ben said no plus a few other unnecessary comments, Dad said please turn it down or I will need to confiscate it... meanwhile Ben was standing with his face and body centimetres away from his father's face... my hubby (regretfully) pushed him away out of his space to which Ben then 'tackled' his father into a wall, then cupboard, then chest of drawers etc etc. There were punches thrown by Ben but his father just tried to restrain his arms and legs throughout the episode.

He refuses to acknowledge that his rage has caused so much hurt... it was all his father's fault. He sees the whole incident completely differently to how it was. He is also annoyed at us because the following day he wanted money to buy jeans to go to a concert and we did not give it to him.

This all happened a couple of days ago. Much has happened before all of this over the last year but this was a huge and very destructive event (emotionally) in our family life.

I have asked him if he is happy with the situation in our home and he says that he doesn't care about anything, all he needs is a place to sleep for free... doesn't care about what kind of relationship we might or might not have, does not feel any need or wish to be considerate/kind/helpful to any of us in any way... because he feels of course that we are not considerate or giving to him...he says that I have to make the first step to making things better by doing nice things for him like buying his jeans.... of course there have actually been many things that I have done for him in the normal course of being a mum - cleaning, feeding, allowing friends over, providing phone and internet access (minor amounts) etc. I do not consider myself indulgent of him, in fact I believe that we all should do things for each other and be considerate of everyone in the home and family. Our children have always helped with minor chores but of course now that they are 16 and 15 both are starting to say more and more that they are not our slaves and they don't need to do anything for us.

I realise that he is trying to control what goes on in our home. His father and I both work full time but try and have several meals together each week to talk etc. He has a girlfriend, which is yet another complete story. I just want us all to be civil, kind and considerate of each others needs..... but I don't know how to begin without feeling like it is only myself that gives and does... I feel that I have taken the 'first step' but he doesn't recognise any of it and says that all that I am doing is what I have always done and am supposed to do as
a mother.

My Out-of-Control Teen

No comments: