Online Parent Support Chat

13.4.09

Out of control daughter...

2 days ago my husband (Jeff) found in my daughter Stephanie’s journal, that she has been smoking pot, having sex with a 17 yr old boy every chance she get’s (in school) she is addicted to cigarettes, and has obviously been lying to us for quite some time now. She has a history of cutting and I suspect she is still cutting. She, her sister and I were abandoned by my second husband(their father) 12 years ago. My 2nd husband of 12 years (could be a pattern with me), dropped out as in, He “has had it” and doesn’t want anything to do with “My kids” and me anymore. He lives here but will not contribute other than financially. My husband and I started reading and applying your program 5 days ago. Since he found out, about her journal and its content, he wants nothing to do with the program. I on the other hand feel it would work with jeff’s help but I am between a rock and hard place. Our marriage has not been good. He does his thing I do mine for the past oh about 12 years. There is little argument in our house. He travels periodically but is a loving father figure. He is uninvolved with the kids most of the time except to watch a movie now and then and correct them when they need corrected. He orders them to do chores and cooks when he can. I am fearful for my daughters life, concerned for my family as a whole and need good family counseling. We carry “Cigna” insurance but very few counselors will accept it in the surrounding area of Mars PA. I am at a lose. She is presently seeing a student counselor every Monday for the past 3 month but she said Steph will not open up about anything else but this boy (outside the fact that they are screwing each other) I will continue reading an applying your program as I need to be more assertive and consistent. I am a mod. indulgent parent style. Jeff is the same but a little less indulgent. We are inconsistent and inappropriate with grounding, ( ground her too long term) We have not confronted her about what was in her journal as of yet. I am for confronting it now but he is not, he wants to have a way he can find out things in the future. Being a cutter, having a journal is very important to her to get things out. I am fearful she will cut again or cut more. Yet, I think we need to deal with this in the light, promptly. I don’t want her to stop writing though. It helps her . I am clueless as to what to do> have no other way of writing. Did I mention Stephanie was arrested for theft this past Jan., apologized, paid her dues and received 24 hours com service as a minor, no record. (Thank God) Maybe not). but she was little sorry because she did it again a month later and received a fine and a 4 hour class on thrift. She hugged me and said she was sorry, that she wouldn’t do it again but now this… What am I going to do? The counselor is inexperienced and Steph isn’t biting. Parents are at odds and desperately need guidance themselves. I feel your program will work but will it work without his support or help? HELP!! I pray 24 /7 . I am wrong to lighten loads for her. She needs to fall on her face but I need support while doing this. Should I put her in boot camp alterative? She needs long term results with short term funds.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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