Online Parent Support Chat

17.4.09

Out of control daughter...

My daughter has to mop the kitchen and bathroom floors every week, as well as help in the kitchen either cleaning or cooking, after work. She travels around to schools, and often has to leave at 5-6 am. We had her move back home after getting poor grades at college. I told her she had to do well in high school, or I refused to pay for her college. Subsequently she has substantial student loans. We made too much money to get the interest deferred, so her loans are increasing as we speak. She had no interest in high school, however, when it came time, she wanted to go to college (just to get away from home, and to avoid growing up) I wanted her to live at home and go to a community college. My husband talked me into letting her go to a state school. She has adhd and spent most of her time socializing and goofing off. She is not a bad kid. No drugs, no sex. But she was doing some drinking/partying. Went on probation 1st sem. Grades up to B’s 2nd sem. All d’s and 1c 3rd. I had her move home and told her she had to go to community college, and get a part time job, too. She went on a job interview for a “part-time photographer”. They told her they would hire her on the spot, if she agreed to full time.

She has been working since the end of January, but it is not “steady” 40 hrs. Some weeks more, some less. She is doing better at doing chores. We use the art of saying “yes” when it comes to going to the mall, etc. We even have required that she pay us back what she owes us for the last semester (which we did finance). We are also collecting money from her to pay for some of her share of the utilities, and rent. But she wants to go to see her friends on weekends. She has NEVER had friends that she just visited. There always had to be a sleep-over, even when she was a kid. Being adhd, she didn’t have a lot of friends, so we did enable this behavior. She has no friends locally, and I am torn. I want her to be able to spend time with friends, however, according to the program, I can’t think of what kinds or how many extra chores she could do after working over-time, that would enable her this level of privilege. I need your input. Her father is a push-over. And although he sees the value of this program, if it was up to him, it would be okay for her to just go, since she worked all week and did her weekly chores.

My Out-of-Control Daughter

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