Online Parent Support Chat

6.5.09

I have tried everything...

I have tried everything you mention: Parenting classes, the bad advice from counselors and social workers, letting my son get over it, giving him time away with his father since January (!). None of this is working. Things are actually getting worse and out of control. I have been patient and remain in shock until now that I realize that in everything else I do in my life, I am a solution-oriented person. Why haven't I been able to find a solution that works??

My son Brad:

My son is 13 years old. I realize that this is an age where young boys want to spend most of their time male bonding. Brad is an incredible athlete and prides himself (as does his father) on his super-stardome.

I am divorced and have 60% legal and physical custody of Brad. His father was ordered to take parenting and anger management in our final court orders 4 years ago. He has never done this and is currently keeping my son away. He is also negatively coaching my son and interfereing with my parenting. One day when Brad lied to me about doing his homework, I sent him to his room. He called his father and was instructed to jump out of his window and retreat to his fathers house. Another time after Brad's basketball game, I was waiting for Brad outside the locker room and he never came out. He was supposed to go home with me, but his father snuck him out the back of the gymnasium and took him home with him. I have no parental control if I cannot see my son. I have let him be with his father full time since January with Brad coming to my house 1 day/week until this blew over. That was his fathers request. Now I haven't seen Brad at all for the past 4 weeks. I call, I leave positive, loving messages and texts with no response. I am not only discouraged that his father is controlling Brad's thoughts, but that Brad himself wants to be away from me with no good excuse. I am a good person and a very good mother. When I have spoken with Brad and ask him why he is acting this way or if I did something, he tells me no, that I (mom) didn't do anything. So I don't understand......(?!!)

Your message and analogy about building the bridge is brilliant! I feel confident that I have built a very strong bridge with my son Brad through his upbringing. Both Brad and myself used to be able to have comfortable and open conversations about anything. One of my problems is that I need to get my son back home so I can finish building that 10% of the bridge and help guide him to be a successful human being who makes good choices. With Brad staying at his fathers all of the time, I have been striped of my parental opportunities.

What can I do to have his father stop interfering with my parental rights? I have continuously asked him to co-parent with me. He refuses and is non-communicative and wants to be in full control. I am home from the hospital for the next 4 weeks, so I have dedicated time to find solutions. I realized this is way out of control when my son didn't even come see me in the hospital and his father didn't encourage it due to our son having baseball and basketball games. very sad... I am guessing you answer may be to focus on the bridge with Brad and there may not be anything I can do about his father.

My Out-of-Control Teen

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