Online Parent Support Chat

2.6.09

The disrespect, the manipulation, the tantrums, the lying and total defiance is beyond my understanding...

I am a single 48 year old woman (professional, certified accountant). I have 2 children ( 31 girl and 22 boy ). I practically raised them on my own (husband was never around) and I did a smashing job of it. I am so very proud of my children. I was a strict parent and never lost control of them (without using physical agressiveness, that was not my style). They did not like it at the time but they both thanked me eventually for the way I brought them up and prepared them for their own journeys into the world. I know I did right by them. But that is not my problem.

Last year I met this wonderful man, we are great together but.... he has an ODD son who is 11 years old. What I see baffles me. I have never experienced this sort of thing. I see an 11 year old boy who has his dad under his thumb. I see a dad who walks on egg shells so as not to set the boy off. I see an 11 year old boy who says "Jump" and his dad says "How high?". The disrespect, the manipulation, the tantrums, the lying and total defiance is beyond my understanding. All I can think is "Oh my god what's this? Surely its the devil's spawn.... PLEASE get control of your child already!" To me, controlling a child is simple. But to him I guess it's a whole different ball game. I had never heard of ODD before until now.

I love this man (we will call him Bill) very much and we would like to start a life together but my values, my ideals and convictions will not allow me to be treated like a piece of shit. I don't allow anyone to treat me this way, let alone an 11 year old boy! No way, sorry, not happening. So, our lives right now have been put on hold (my choice).

To make matters worse, Bill does not have full custody of his son. He sees him every Wednesday and every second weekends. The mother, whom am sure is at her wits end as well with this kid, doesn't discipline him at all; she takes the easy way out and caters to his whims. So, no one is disciplining this kid at the moment. He has full control, and its his way or the highway. I have tried to help Bill with his son but to no avail. I guess my conventional methods which worked wonders with my children have no effect on this kid at all. This kid is so far gone, am not sure anyone or anything can help him. He's headed for juvenile detention.

Hence, in a nutshell, this is my dilemma....

My Out-of-Control Child

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